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Wondering if it will be weird to ask a church friend out...

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The_Gaurdian87

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So I am a 28 year old man and honestly, I have never really had a girlfriend. I struggled with low self esteem and figured girls didn't find me attractive since I am a introvert, never been super popular, and into some nerd stuff like comics and video games and filmmaking. But there is a girl I attend church with that I REALLY like. I know her for about three years now but the the problem is we still don't REALLY know each other that well since we have never hung out one on one. We usually only see each other at church or on rare occasions when a mutual friend has a social gathering. However, when I do see her, she seems to go out of her way to come talk to me. Also, the first night I met her she some how found me on facebook and sent me a friend request. I guess that was also a good sign right??!! ha

Also she hugs me I will say 90% of the time but I also seen her do this with other dudes in church. At the last two social gatherings by a mutual church friend, I noticed she made a point to stay near me even when there were other seats open. She even asked one of her friends to move in order to sit next to me ha. But again, she is naturally a nice person and I don't want to make it weird if I ask her out and she only likes me as a friend. Also, while I am attracted women of all races, the church I attend is predominantly white but has a good mix of people (I am black if my Avatar pic didn't give it away lol). Anyway, my point is I am black and she is white. I am not sure if is is even into black guys but the way she interacts with me sometimes makes me think she REALLY likes me if you know what I mean. I guess I am looking for advise from christian folks who had experience dating in the church/ among christian friends. So I go for it? Did any of you get rejected and it got weird at church??? Sorry if this post rambles, just looking for some advise. I ask because there was also a conversation I had with friends about Christian dating outside the church and non believers because they are afraid of getting rejected by people they know in church or claim "there is no one good in church".
 

rickster

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You should have asked her out yesterday.

Since you don't know her that well, it's possible she hasn't friend zone'd you yet. But based on your description of yourself she probably already classified you as not dating material. Women are really great at sizing men up and figuring out their confidence levels with limited information.

But there's only one way to find out. Ask her to go to an activity with you. Invite her to something you are passionate about or some physical activity that's fun. Or if you can't think of anything like that, go out for coffee (as opposed to something heavy like dinner).

You need to ask women out right away or else you're going to have a bad time. Waiting for some stranger on the internet to tell you what to do is way too slow to be making a move.

The problem is that if she declines your offer, how are you going to handle it? You sort of built this pedestal of this girl for the past three years. If you get rejected, it's going to be brutal, and your self esteem will be shot. Questions of race, introversion, doubt, and nerdiness will pop in your head. Are you going to make it weird between you two? It's perfectly fine to not being able to handle the rejection, especially if you haven't been rejected very often. You have to have a plan to handle the rejection. Do you leave this church? Do you limit your contact with her so you don't have to see her very much? Or do you ask other women out to get the current rejection off your mind? Or some combination? You don't want to seem socially awkward as that will spoil the church group for you.

Go for it. If it doesn't work, start meeting other women. If you keep meeting new women it will solve your "not really had a girl friend" problem.
 
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NewUser777

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rickster said:
The problem is that if she declines your offer, how are you going to handle it?
Click to expand...

I agree with rickster. Ask her out, but be ready for anything. If she says no, don't treat her any different. That's sometimes easier said than done.

There are so few good prospects out there. When you find one, by all means, ask her out. If you don't, you will think about it constantly and wonder "what if".
 
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Jisun

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I agree with all of the above. If you guys don't know each other that well yet, well, there's the chance to get to know her! haha. talk to her more, hang out with her, chill with her and other friends at church, pick up what she doesn't like, what she does like, stuff that regular friends do, I guess. If after a time, she feels like a girl you want to date, don't feel scared and just ask-- you'll regret not asking more than asking and getting rejected.

It sounds to me like she's very social and extroverted, so you asking her to do something with you, she would be on board with. Platonically that is. Don't be a creep or anything. Stat with hanging out with her and her friends if that'd make her more comfortable. If God allows you two to become closer and almost to that stage where you guys might start to talk about dating, then there you go.

even if she says no, there are a lot of other girls out there man! xD If dating is something you're interested in, you have to put yourself out there, talking to girls, hanging out, chilling. All that.

also, you being black and her being white shouldn't be a problem in 2016. It might be that she isn't attracted to black men, but as long as she's not racist, you know? we girls have our own type and what attracts us more or less. you gotta just go ahead and embark on a journey to find a girl that's right for you.
 
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