L
LaurieMomof3
Guest
I lost my mother July 24th.
She had been very sick with lung disease that kept progressing. Then she had a stroke...but no one caught on to that. So from mid-May - mid June, she just kept getting weaker and weaker. My neice was living with her and Daddy at the time and finally I was requested to come and see her and make a decision (basically make her go to the hospital). I packed up the children and within minutes of me being there the decision was made to call 911 for an ambulance and get her admitted.
It took the hospital several days to figure out she had had a stroke. She went through many tests and even had a dx of hydrocephalus for a few days before they changed her dx to stroke.
So then, dx made, she was sent to a rehab center to help her regain her urinary continence, and regain her balance.
My mother always had a family member by her side almost constantly. There was very little that went on that there was not one of us there.
That being said...she started failing. We all noticed she wasn't eating much. I asked the nurses to make sure her food was within reach, as she told me one day she couldn't reach her breakfast. She stopped drinking. Because she was so very cold all the time, and all they gave her was ice water, even after I told the CNA's that she didn't like the ice in it. She complained that it hurt to pee, and my sister told the nurses that.
One night I got a call from my sister telling me that she in distress, and the rehab center was putting a feeding tube in. 2 hours later I got the call that she wasn't expected to live and to come right away. I went. She was in ICU, but holding on. She was admitted with severe malnutrition, dehydration, and a bad urinary tract infection. Needless to say...I was really ticked! But she rallied. And with hope, I came home. About 5 days later I got another call saying she was failing again. I drove the second trip down to say goodbye. This time, we were given no hope...as she had sepsis. But - she kept rallying, and after camping out for 2 days in the ICU, I had to say goodbye and go back home to my family. It was so hard to do that, but she got well enough to be placed into a step down ICU room, so again, I felt hope. 4 days later she was dead. At 4AM I got the call from my sister.
My mother was born again and she was the most beautiful woman that walked this earth. I know she is with the Lord, but I still hurt so very much. Why can't I be happy for her suffering to be over? Why can't I rejoice that we are one in the Holy Spirit together? There has not been one single day that I have not cried my eyes out for her. And every time I think of that rehab center the tears just kill me over and over! Even if she hadn't of been there, she was suffering with her lung condition. I know she is not suffering any longer. Why am I so selfish? Is there some sort of book I can read to help me sort out my grief?
She had been very sick with lung disease that kept progressing. Then she had a stroke...but no one caught on to that. So from mid-May - mid June, she just kept getting weaker and weaker. My neice was living with her and Daddy at the time and finally I was requested to come and see her and make a decision (basically make her go to the hospital). I packed up the children and within minutes of me being there the decision was made to call 911 for an ambulance and get her admitted.
It took the hospital several days to figure out she had had a stroke. She went through many tests and even had a dx of hydrocephalus for a few days before they changed her dx to stroke.
So then, dx made, she was sent to a rehab center to help her regain her urinary continence, and regain her balance.
My mother always had a family member by her side almost constantly. There was very little that went on that there was not one of us there.
That being said...she started failing. We all noticed she wasn't eating much. I asked the nurses to make sure her food was within reach, as she told me one day she couldn't reach her breakfast. She stopped drinking. Because she was so very cold all the time, and all they gave her was ice water, even after I told the CNA's that she didn't like the ice in it. She complained that it hurt to pee, and my sister told the nurses that.
One night I got a call from my sister telling me that she in distress, and the rehab center was putting a feeding tube in. 2 hours later I got the call that she wasn't expected to live and to come right away. I went. She was in ICU, but holding on. She was admitted with severe malnutrition, dehydration, and a bad urinary tract infection. Needless to say...I was really ticked! But she rallied. And with hope, I came home. About 5 days later I got another call saying she was failing again. I drove the second trip down to say goodbye. This time, we were given no hope...as she had sepsis. But - she kept rallying, and after camping out for 2 days in the ICU, I had to say goodbye and go back home to my family. It was so hard to do that, but she got well enough to be placed into a step down ICU room, so again, I felt hope. 4 days later she was dead. At 4AM I got the call from my sister.
My mother was born again and she was the most beautiful woman that walked this earth. I know she is with the Lord, but I still hurt so very much. Why can't I be happy for her suffering to be over? Why can't I rejoice that we are one in the Holy Spirit together? There has not been one single day that I have not cried my eyes out for her. And every time I think of that rehab center the tears just kill me over and over! Even if she hadn't of been there, she was suffering with her lung condition. I know she is not suffering any longer. Why am I so selfish? Is there some sort of book I can read to help me sort out my grief?