Why There Is A Shortage of Christian Men, Even To Date?

JonMiller · Jan 3, 2009

Honestly, the only place I have ever met girls were at parties/clubs/coffee shops/classes.

I have no clue how to do so otherwise. I no longer party much, and don't go to bars/clubs/etc looking for women (they were never the type I wanted to find). And I no longer take classes.

JM
(And coffee shops are getting expensive.)

GQ Chris · Jan 3, 2009

flnativegrl said:
I agree that we should be seeking God and that, in the process, we will find the right guy. But, this doesn't mean we should sit at home at night with our knitting needles wondering and waiting. We need to get out and live life and be involved in ministry and just life in general if we are ever going to expect to meet someone. God's plans are not so narrow that we can only meet someone at church. My sister met her husband in a bar of all places and he has grown to be one of the most Godly men I know. I'm not suggesting that we should all run out and look for Mr./Ms. Right in a bar or nightclub - I'm just saying that we never know when our paths will cross with that person. But, it sure isn't going to happen if we're limiting ourselves to church for finding a mate.

Good thing I didn't totally give up bars, just drastically reduced the number of times I go to one...

JonMiller · Jan 3, 2009

I still go to bars occasionally. But when you go to bars with physicists you aren't going to meet any women.

And once more, I never met a woman at a bar that I was interested in having a relationship with.

JM

JCFantasy23 · Jan 3, 2009

Im not sure about at church. I know that all my boyfriends have been Christian, even if I havent sought them out that way. Some just claim to be Christian though and you can't tell by the way they act.

Niels · Jan 4, 2009

welshman said:
*coughs*
Could say the same about women

I'm thinking the same thing, Welshman.

CoachR64 · Jan 4, 2009

Maybe there is not a lack of good Christian mates out there.... maybe there is a lack of the ones who want to be found by you?

That is something we all have to come to grips with. Maybe we should take the time to focus on making ourselves something others want to be with. That doesn't mean chancing who you are, but being the most desirable you that you can be.

Coach

AdrocK48 · Jan 4, 2009

there could also be the possability that God has put you in a place where there is a lack of companion for a reason... not so that you will neccesarily find someone to date, but to do something else. that may be finding the you God wants you to be... ministry, growth... who knows>?

JonMiller · Jan 4, 2009

I don't think that everything that is in this world is as God intends it to be. Often times we humans have really screwed situations up. And what God wants us to do is to have faith, and to act from that faith. To be like Abraham, if you will (although I don't expect that any of us is as special as Abraham).

JM

Markus6 · Jan 4, 2009

I go to bars because I like them.

BTW I've noticed the shortage. Being an active Christian guy who's not bad looking and not completely socially awkward gets me plenty of female attention. The English accent doesn't hurt either.

Cjwinnit · Jan 4, 2009

Markus6 said:
I go to bars because I like them.

BTW I've noticed the shortage. Being an active Christian guy who's not bad looking and not completely socially awkward gets me plenty of female attention. The English accent doesn't hurt either.

Huh..

welshman · Jan 4, 2009

Amen to that

I think this thread could rapidly turn into some sort of all-out "gender war" between the guys and girls; so I'll try and make this my last post.

I have to admit it really gets to me when I hear things about there being a "lack of good, Godly men" from women in church.

In one sense there is a point to the case as I would think that statistics show more women go to church than men (I would have to look this up though). In saying this, I find it a little disrespectful to many guys who go to church (and I'm sure some of the men on here perhaps found it a bit hurtful or annoying) when women start going on about such an issue as this thread is discussing.

The bottom line is that there could also be a case for saying there is a distinct lack of "good, Godly women" in church. I refer back to another post I made where I said that there are as many women who have as little idea on how to be a good wife as there are men who have no clue on how to be a good husband.

The fact of the matter is that none of us are perfect. We are all sinners saved by grace. Men are no better Christians than women, and women are no better Christians than men. Period.

We will all disappoint our boyfriend/girlfriend, fiance, husband or wife because of sin. I am far from perfect and I know if I ever get married there will be times I will let my wife down, do something wrong etc...The same will go for my potential wife.

That doesn't mean I think it's acceptable. Love covers a multitude of sins, however; it doesn't condone it

Miles said:
I'm thinking the same thing, Welshman.

ido · Jan 4, 2009

I've seen this type of thread from both men and women here on the Singles board. This isn't the first and it won't be the last. Unfortunately, it does nothing to lift our brothers and sisters up in Christ to lament about how few decent ones a person perceives there are.

lostaquarium · Jan 4, 2009

CoachR64 said:
Maybe there is not a lack of good Christian mates out there.... maybe there is a lack of the ones who want to be found by you?

That is something we all have to come to grips with. Maybe we should take the time to focus on making ourselves something others want to be with. That doesn't mean chancing who you are, but being the most desirable you that you can be.

Coach

That's a very good point, though a harsh one to accept!

My perfect guy is Christian, rich, handsome, patient, caring, funny, etc... but if I find such a man, chances are he won't want to be with me! :o

deliciousBass · Jan 4, 2009

lostaquarium said:
That's a very good point, though a harsh one to accept!

My perfect guy is Christian, rich, handsome, patient, caring, funny, etc... but if I find such a man, chances are he won't want to be with me! :o

Haha yeah... I feel that there is an assumption being made that as long as the guy is Christian, that he's dateable...

However, a lot of other things are not being taken into account such as looks, personality, financial status/job, etc.

I personally think there is not enough supply to meet demand for both men and women when it comes to Christians.. especially in specific locales. Ideally, I would like a Christian woman who is beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted and outgoing. I trust there is a lot of competition out there for a woman like that and I can kind of see why some Christian guy would want to snatch her up and take her off the market in her early 20's.

lostaquarium · Jan 4, 2009

deliciousBass said:
I personally think there is not enough supply to meet demand for both men and women when it comes to Christians.. especially in specific locales. Ideally, I would like a Christian woman who is beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted and outgoing. I trust there is a lot of competition out there for a woman like that and I can kind of see why some Christian guy would want to snatch her up and take her off the market in her early 20's.

It's also a lesson for us to have wiser expectations when looking for a mate. Not necessary lower expectations, but wiser ones. For example, a man doesn't need a great CV to be a good provider. He doesn't have to be funny to make you laugh. He doesn't have to be good-looking to be attractive. He doesn't have to be popular to be loved... and so on. The same for women.

What you say about amazing women being "snatched up and taken off the market in her early 20's" is true, and I agree that happens to some women. But there are also others - I know some amazing, beautiful, kind, intelligent women who are still single in their late 20's and 30's, simply because their expectations were too high, and they rejected all the men who asked them out, because they were looking for the "perfect one", who doesn't actually exist.

Thomas1984 · Jan 4, 2009

lostaquarium said:
That's a very good point, though a harsh one to accept!

My perfect guy is Christian, rich, handsome, patient, caring, funny, etc... but if I find such a man, chances are he won't want to be with me! :o

How flexible are you on the rich part?

Thomas1984 · Jan 4, 2009

I think the bottom line for both men and women is: "Stop bloody moaning!"

Finding love isn't really complicated, but it's not exactly simple either. Maybe it's all down to God, or maybe it's just a case of being in the right place at the right time.

As FNG said, lamenting doesn't do anyone any good, so we're all just better off getting closer to God, learning more about Him and how we can serve him by showing love to others; and if we show love to other people, it's possible that one of them might come to love us in return. At the very least, you'll make someone smile.

Right, you got that? I won't tell you again!

(Said in love)

hockeysistah12 · Jan 4, 2009

lostaquarium said:
It's also a lesson for us to have wiser expectations when looking for a mate. Not necessary lower expectations, but wiser ones. For example, a man doesn't need a great CV to be a good provider. He doesn't have to be funny to make you laugh. He doesn't have to be good-looking to be attractive. He doesn't have to be popular to be loved... and so on. The same for women.

Yes, in a perfect world, but unfortunaly, people (and I'm not saying everyone, so please do not interpret this as a mean-spiritied post) but every christian fourm which I come across say that physical attraction hooks people other than charater and if you not "hot", you are not suitable for marriage, nor you are marriage material. But I agree that he does not have to be good looking, but unfortunatly we do go after looks instead of looking into the charater of the indivisual.

--That's another thread for another time..

Some people think on this thread from some of your posts (and I hate to defend myself and I don't want to lose fellowship here) that all I do is sit and sit, which it is not true. I am involved in my local church--I have a life other than the church and I do go out in this wide world. I know how to discern people because there are non-believers outhere and I don't want to go there, because they Lord I believe do not want me to seek out a non-believer, nor someone who is not accountable to his brothers nor involved in a community of believers.

I do want a marriage which honors God, and yes, people found their prince, but unfortuatly,finding someone it is not working with me. Sometimes I ask the Lord sometimes, "Should I lower my standards like accepting the fact that some men want to get in bed with me to be accepted?" "Should I dress in a manner that more men would accept me?" and so on and so on...

And this thread, I did not intend to start any gender wars here, because I love my Christian brothers and sisters here. I know there are some good, godly men and I'm sorry if everyone thought that I'm picking on people, however, we need to learn to treat each other as brothers and sisters, make everyone feel that they are valuable in the body and they are loved.

Lady Bug · Jan 4, 2009

It depends what having high expectations means. If lowering one's expectations means compromising moral principles and hence going against your conscience, then lowering one's expectations simply isn't possible.

BTW I have not found a church yet so I can't answer the OP's questionall I know is that I have HEARD ad nauseum about a "man shortage" in the Christian world, but anyway.

GQ Chris · Jan 4, 2009

Markus6 said:
I go to bars because I like them.

I only go to Christian bars

Why There Is A Shortage of Christian Men, Even To Date?

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