Whenever people tell me that God told them I always ask one thing where id the profit the benefit There is not profit to this info, basically I can assure you this didnt come from the God and a Father of our Lord Jesus Christ
These are words that people use to justify their actions, on the contrary I would say that her word are the ones that cannot be trusted
Do I not believe God tests people like this these are words that come from a pastor who is unaware of the spiritual battle but who needs to look like they have spiritual insight. I am not saying God cant turn your situation around but God doesnt cause this kind of torment in a persons marriage to test them
She is trying to justify her actions. She has a real problem with controlling her own thinking renewing her mind to the written Word.
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Remember whatever you did in the past is forgiven and forgotten by God
end of story. Your wife {and understand I only know from what you have written from your perspective} let her unrenewed mind get the best of her, she opened the door to fear and unbelief and let it grow in her life ..to her this is real; now what about you.
First and foremost you must rise above the whole situation. In other words your right in the middle of this torment, that is where the devil wants you because the devils ultimate goal is to destroy your marriage, you, your wife, and your relationship with God. Right now you cannot think clearly, your probably not sleeping or eating well, your angry, hurt, confused and you dont understand why God would let this happen. The reason you need to rise above it is to get a grip on the truth
the truth being Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
This may prove to be one of the toughest things you have ever done because you need to get control of your mind and to focus it on the Word; you cannot fight a spiritual battle with carnal weapons;so you need not keep asking, why God? Ephesians covers it.
Next you must understand that God does not possess so he cannot make your wife love you, or come back, however he can salt the path {arrange situations around her to help build that desire} God wants you two together, He wants your marriage to work, but it does take two willing participants. If she is unwilling all the desire and love on your part cannot make it work I know that is cold and I am sorry, but that is the truth, you cannot make this work by yourself. She has convinced herself of certain untruths because she has failed to stay focused on the truth and allowed fear to rule her life. All the effort to convince her that you have been faithful is almost futile because she has closed that door.
Finally you need to step back
this is almost like letting go and letting God. You step back because all the pushing towards her with questions like why are you doing this is literally pushing her further away. Stepping back is almost like being cold towards her but in your mind your letting go and letting God handle the situation. Dont talk to her about it, dont try to convince her about anything, if she asks a question just be straight foreword but dont go overboard. Stepping back is not stepping away from the kids you need to be in their lives no matter what happens.
The final step is a tough one, it goes against every inclination ingrained in us, but you have nothing to loose. If she responds fantastic, is she doesnt you didnt loose anything because she was already gone.
In between all of this you need to pray and hold a vision of you two happily together 10 20 30 years from now
I am praying for the both of you
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God bless
sandman