Why do christian couples break up?

loved · Apr 11, 2005

If they've sought God, and they've prayed about whether its right to date that person in preperation to spend the rest of their lives with them, then why???

What reasons are there??

SirKenin · Apr 11, 2005

Because they are human like everybody else.

plum · Apr 11, 2005

If they've sought God, and they've prayed about whether its right to date that person in preperation to spend the rest of their lives with them, then why???

well isn't the breakup God's answer to those prayers?

JustLiz87 · Apr 11, 2005

Christian couples break up b/c the first person you date may not be the one who God means for you to marry. God may have led you to that person only to befriend them and you misinterpreted it or took it a step farther. God means for us to have good experiences and I think that the guys I have dated have helped me to decide more firmly on what I am looking for. Also, they have helped me to learn how to act in a relationship. Christian couples break up like everyone else. Sometimes they may not be meant to be together.

Princess Pea · Apr 11, 2005

A year ago I was in the same situation. I'd been praying really hard about the relationship almost from the beginning - not even specifically that it would work out, just basically thanking God for him, and asking that we would treat each other right and that God would make His will clear soon - and had asked others to pray as well. I honestly thought for a while that he might be "the one" - so many things seemed right on, especially at first. But he wasn't, and I can't deny that the breakup really hurt.

I've concluded since then that He had lessons for me to learn that I couldn't have learned any other way than through dating and losing this particular man. For reasons none of us understand, God allows His children to suffer pain sometimes, even when they are earnestly trying to follow Him. But I still don't believe I was out of His will, or sinning, by dating a man He didn't intend for me to marry. I honestly believe God wanted us to date for a while, for reasons of His own. I think the fact that I prayed about it, and that we dated with integrity, was pleasing to Him, regardless of the final outcome.

Don't get me wrong - I'd never date a man I knew I wasn't going to marry - there would be no point. But somehow, the fact that *GOD* knew I wasn't going to marry him, even if He didn't let *ME* in on that tidbit of information, makes it OK. I finally realized it was a matter of faith - could I still trust God even when things didn't make sense and weren't going my way? It's easy to do when everything's great, but it's another matter to say "OK, God, I don't get this AT ALL, but I believe You are still in control, and I choose to keep trusting You."

One last thing: People may try to tell you that you are suffering pain because you sinned somehow - that if you had TRULY been in God's will you wouldn't be going through this. Sometimes that's true, but not always. Just remember that those are the things Job's friends told him, and God was pretty clear at the end of the story that they were way off base!

InTheFlame · Apr 11, 2005

A relationship can't simply be based on finding the right person.

You may find someone who is the exact type of person you should marry. God may tell you that this person is someone he wants you to marry. But like most of God's gifts which involve responsibility, you can lose it (or reject it, depending on your viewpoint) with bad behaviour - or the other person can do likewise.

Here's what I mean... you can have a person who you get along with, wonderfully. You're both christians, you both read your bibles and pray, and you have a lot in common. But if you act unlovingly (selfishly) toward each other, or if you don't know how to carry out a healthy relationship, or if you refuse to listen when the other person tells you your actions are painful to them... your relationship will shrivel up and die. You'll break up, or you'll be miserable with each other.

silentpoet · Apr 12, 2005

My flippant answer based on my own experience is "because God wants me to suffer". Best answer I can come up with.

Who knows? This side of Heaven I don't think you can really say with much certainty about many of life's questions. You just have to do your best to follow God and hope you serve him well. Everything else is meaningless.

flounder7786 · Apr 12, 2005

God opens doors...

and he can also shut them!!!

a break up isnt a bad thing...God has huge plans for your life, and maybe that person wasnt in that plan.

SirKenin · Apr 12, 2005

flounder7786 said:
God opens doors...

and he can also shut them!!!

a break up isnt a bad thing...God has huge plans for your life, and maybe that person wasnt in that plan.

It sounds nice, tight and all sewn up in theory, but you're forgetting the one key factor that is the most basic fundamental concept in Christianity, and actually in life period.

God gives us free will...

By you saying something like this you are insinuating that God is denying us free will and that concept is flat out wrong.

superfly · Apr 12, 2005

sorry, but i can't agree with you there...

God intends you to marry a good christian spouse. He doesn't have any particular person in mind for you, that's your decision. God likes to help us make good decisions, but He doesn't make them for us. read the book Guidance and the Voice of God from matthias media - very good book, i would recommend anyone who is contemplating marriage especially to read it, but i think everyone should read it anyways. it will open your eyes a bit more to what God is like and how we should be making decisions.

but to get back to the original question... christian couples break up for a lot of the same reasons that non-christians break up. sometimes people just don't get along, sometimes things just don't work out. there's a song called "jaded" by a christian band called la rue, which actually speaks about this...

barefeetonholyground · Apr 12, 2005

Just because they're Christian couples, doesn't mean that they won't change to not fit one another anymore. Or sometimes they just realize that God is calling them in seperate directions.

SirKenin · Apr 12, 2005

superfly said:
sorry, but i can't agree with you there...

God intends you to marry a good christian spouse.

Since when? Can you back this up with Biblical fact? No? Of course not, because none exists. The only place in the whole Bible where it is outlined what kind of woman we should marry is in Proverbs, and I challenge you to point out where it specifies "Christian" because to be quite frank with you it doesn't.

Mr.Cheese · Apr 14, 2005

The proof is in the pudding.
It all may look good on paper, or in the mind, but in real life it doesn't work.

I think a lot of them who get married should have broken up rather than get married.

trust_faith · Apr 17, 2005

JustLiz87 said:
Christian couples break up b/c the first person you date may not be the one who God means for you to marry. God may have led you to that person only to befriend them and you misinterpreted it or took it a step farther. God means for us to have good experiences and I think that the guys I have dated have helped me to decide more firmly on what I am looking for. Also, they have helped me to learn how to act in a relationship. Christian couples break up like everyone else. Sometimes they may not be meant to be together.

I agree truely with this... Hmm.. perhaps life is just like that. God has his meaning...

lady_of_god · Apr 17, 2005

Well i think the reason christian couples break up could be for many reasons....

1. They didn't listen to the call of God. (they are different spiritually, meaning they have different values)

2.They were both not ready for a relationship (and they thought they were)

3. There are different situations that arises that keep them from truly commiting

....i mean the list is infinite as every relationship's problems are unique to that couple. In any event, as long as you seek God first everything will be fine. Its all about working for God's Will, if the person is right for you (and it alines with what God wants) then you'll stick together no matter what

-Lady

goat37 · Apr 18, 2005

I'm with SirKenin here...

God gives us free will... God does not intend for us to marry anyone in particular, or at all... and the only basis on which to deny this with is just your wishful thinking.

It is up to us to decide whom and what we love... should we choose to marry, God will bless that marriage if it is done in his name, however the task of finding spouse rests squarely on our shoulders.

To those that disagree with me and will say something like "God brought my wife and I together"... its a lot like saying "I found my keys, they were in the last place I looked"...

God wants us to love one another... however he does not force us... it is our choice.... much like the choice we have on who we choose as our spouse. Personally... I don't want God making the choice for me. I'm a big boy and I can do it on my own. God gave me my brain and free will for a reason... so I can be strong enough and wise enough to make choices and do things on my own, so he wouldn't have to do everything for me.

I think being a strong christian is not relying solely on God... but loving him for what he is and what he has created for us, and give him respect and dignity by showing him that he didn't create a race that can't do anything for themselves.

InTheFlame · Apr 18, 2005

Goat - Why would you not seek God's opinion on something as important as choice of spouse? Isn't that kind of like having a car manual and refusing to consult it when attempting a new procedure on your car? I was happy to talk to a number of people about my prospective spouse, and interested in their opinions - in case they noticed something I missed. I'm not infallible after all. God, on the other hand, IS... where does the bible tell us not to consult him, or that it's wiser/stronger/better not to?

rare_rhapsody · Apr 18, 2005

while I agree with the fact that you shouldn't date someone that you know there would be no way that you would marry them (for whatever reason), I also think that there's more to dating than preparing to live with that one person for your whole life. Dating also opens your eyes to things you may like or dislike in a future spouse that you never thought about before. I dated one other guy before my current relationship, and it taught me a few hard lessons, but it also helped me realize just how lucky I am to be with the man I have now. When you come right down to it, Christian couples aren't really all that different than any other couple. Their common faith is just one more thing they have in common (although a vital similarity).

invisiblebabe · Apr 18, 2005

Why?

*sometimes one or both people weren't ready
*sometimes legalistic parents think it's a good idea to butt in and break the couple up (sorry, speaking from experience here...)
*sometimes one or both people were not, in fact, as good a match as they initially thought.... and if they seek God's guidance, He will lead them elsewhere, often to someone who can better connect with them, and whom they can better connect with
*communication and/or personality differences are too large
*family backgrounds are too different

ahhh the possibilities are endless.

goat37 · Apr 18, 2005

InTheFlame said:
Goat - Why would you not seek God's opinion on something as important as choice of spouse? Isn't that kind of like having a car manual and refusing to consult it when attempting a new procedure on your car? I was happy to talk to a number of people about my prospective spouse, and interested in their opinions - in case they noticed something I missed. I'm not infallible after all. God, on the other hand, IS... where does the bible tell us not to consult him, or that it's wiser/stronger/better not to?

Where in my post did I say not to consult God? All I was saying is that God doesn't make the choices for us, and shouldn't.

Why do christian couples break up?

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