Why are you still single?

scooby · Mar 31, 2004

For me...I'm uncomfortable around people...You really can't meet people if you only go to work (90% of my colleagues are male) and home.

For the first time I actually think I'm making progress. First step was to actually join a church where I can meet people. I am getting involved in the classes at the church (new christian classes) and I'm involved in a small group study. It seems the more I do...the less afraid.

I'm also working on myself trying to develop hobbies and things that I would enjoy and would enjoy with others. For example I took up Scuba diving (a great thing to do in Fort Lauderdale) and I actually took a wind surfing class which was interesting. I didn't have much courage to talk to anyone or make friends...but I did have fun.

Right now my goal is to put myself out in the public where I can meet people. This still isn't easy for me.

I'm starting to ask colleagues for fashion tips. It isn't easy./

mrstace said:
I am wondering why do you think that you are still single? especially if you are over 25. I have come into contact with a lot of great people who are over 25, and still single, and I think Lord, why have you not blessed them with someone. They seem so deserving to me. To be honest this really puzzles me. It is one of those things the devil uses on me to really question God.

Personally, I feel that God (in the past year) has greatly worked oh my emotional and spiritual majurty. Molding me into something worth having.

What about you? Why do you think you are still single? Has God been working on you? or is there some other reason.

scooby · Apr 1, 2004

I used to think like you and before I was a Christian I used to want to kill myself and I used to get overwelmed thinking about the things that are wrong with me. After I became a Christian and meeting other people I am learning that other people have problems...too. Some people have problems worse than me and yet they get to have relationship with people.

As I find myself around positive people I find that I don't really have any problems that someone else has. Also I'm working on my problems one at a time. For example I'm trying to make friends. I'm also trying to get involved in sports and work on my weight.

mina said:
There are a combination of things. In my opinion why I am still single is a long and depressing list. And if i started to list them I would get depressed so I won't bother. Basically I think there are a lot of things wrong with me.

Greenriser · Apr 1, 2004

Hi guys,
All of your thoughts make an impact on someones life. That's what makes this forum special. God has a purpose for us all.

"Look around you, appreciate the daytime, never fear. God is there, even if he's at the bottom of a broken pocket, at least he's by your side" .

Sign Of The Fish Burger · Apr 1, 2004

I am still single because God has not brought the right man into my life yet. And if he has... he is very very far away right now

Philippe2 · Apr 1, 2004

I do not really know why I am still single. I am trusting God for a wife and am praying that I will get one, because I really want kids. I thik He will send one at the right time, which my mom seems to think should be now.

Sign Of The Fish Burger · Apr 1, 2004

Philippe2 said:
I do not really know why I am still single. I am trusting God for a wife and am praying that I will get one, because I really want kids. I thik He will send one at the right time, which my mom seems to think should be now.

I literally bursted when I read that... LOL .. my mother is the exact same way.... talk about pressure!!

Beauty4Ashes · Apr 1, 2004

Because it's obviously God's will for me to be.
Everything happens for a reason in His perfect time, not my own.
Why should I argue against my creator.

mina · Apr 1, 2004

scooby said:
I used to think like you and before I was a Christian I used to want to kill myself and I used to get overwelmed thinking about the things that are wrong with me. After I became a Christian and meeting other people I am learning that other people have problems...too. Some people have problems worse than me and yet they get to have relationship with people.

As I find myself around positive people I find that I don't really have any problems that someone else has. Also I'm working on my problems one at a time. For example I'm trying to make friends. I'm also trying to get involved in sports and work on my weight.

Well it's not like i'm not trying to work on the problems i have. I am. It's just a slow process. I'm trying to work on them not so that I can be attractive to someone and get married, but so I can actually like myself. Of course other people have problems- Everyone has problems. This thread asked why are "you" still single so I was answering from my viewpoint.

HoosierCanuck · Apr 2, 2004

Because men are shallow. They want Beyonce's (or insert "IT GIRL" of the moment) body and June Cleaver's personality. OH yeah, and Hillary Clinton's attitude. Heaven forbid someone who's 'nice'. Gotta have the DIVA!!!!

Jedi · Apr 2, 2004

HooseirCanuck said:
Because men are shallow. They want Beyonce's (or insert "IT GIRL" of the moment) body and June Cleaver's personality. OH yeah, and Hillary Clinton's attitude. Heaven forbid someone who's 'nice'. Gotta have the DIVA!!!!

I'm sure this might be coming from some bad experiences you've had, however, we must realize that guys have often said the same thing about women: Young ladies claim to want a gentleman, but reject that sort of man at first sight of the jock. Thus the phrase "Nice guys finish last."

Rest assured, there are those diamonds in the roth who are, indeed, gentlemen and godly; deep men, respectful knights in shining armor who wish for nothing more than to ride off into the sunset with a precious fair maden. Such men get the highest degree of pleasure and satifaction in a relationship when the young lady of their affections is most pleased and satisfied; he derives his pleasure from hers.

MrsGnomeCrusher · Apr 2, 2004

HoosierCanuck said:
OH yeah, and Hillary Clinton's attitude.

I don't think I know any man who likes Clinton's attitude.

Philippe2 · Apr 2, 2004

Sign Of The Fish said:
I literally bursted when I read that... LOL .. my mother is the exact same way.... talk about pressure!!

You really have to pray, cause some times it is not easy.

HoosierCanuck · Apr 2, 2004

Jedi said:
I'm sure this might be coming from some bad experiences you've had, however, we must realize that guys have often said the same thing about women: Young ladies claim to want a gentleman, but reject that sort of man at first sight of the jock. Thus the phrase "Nice guys finish last."

Rest assured, there are those diamonds in the roth who are, indeed, gentlemen and godly; deep men, respectful knights in shining armor who wish for nothing more than to ride off into the sunset with a precious fair maden. Such men get the highest degree of pleasure and satifaction in a relationship when the young lady of their affections is most pleased and satisfied; he derives his pleasure from hers.

Unfortunately there is some truth to that but it seems that the DIVA always ends up with the nice guy instead of the jock. While the nice girl is rejected by ALL. Jocks don't want her because she just doesn't look like the 'perfect trophy' girl, and nice guys are busy drooling over themselves because they got the Diva girl. What does a NICE girl end up with??? A FREAKIN' CAT!!!!

From a woman's perspective, I don't know why nice guys get dumped on so much. I know of two 'nice' guys who had supposedly liked me at one point....the first one, we were both only 15 and I just wasn't ready to date. If it were today, I'd go out with him (actually we DID end up going out once back then but 'as friends.'). That won't happen though because he did eventually find someone and is married with a daughter. In school he was considered 'the ultimate nerd' and I have a friend who was shocked to hear he was married. (she has some judgemental issues of her own as well!)

The second one (never confirmed that he was interested...just rumour that I heard at work by someone who liked to stretch the truth a lot) was desperately lacking otherwise in personality and in common sense and had some weird obsessive compulsive behaviours that were a little creepy. Plus, we had nothing in common outside of a love for music and a similar religious background.

I suppose if I left this barren wasteland known as Indiana I would find 'nice' guys. My town is full of rednecks, druggies and child molesters (and some are probably all three!)

alaurie · Apr 2, 2004

INFP- "The Idealist"- probably 'nuff said.

I'm still single for a combination of factors. I didn't copy/quote the person above who talked about finding Master, mission, mate in that order but I'm still on mission. I've also had bipolar spectrum disorder since early childhood and have only been diagnosed last year- those ups and downs have certainly impacted my serious relationships. Bipolar worsens with age, so getting a graduate degree and holding down a full-time job with this disorder has left me with little emotionally for a relationship. And frankly, I'm in a "take it or leave it" mindset about a relationship. I'm financially secure and have a wonderful close, godly family, and good guy friends (including the one I've come closest to marrying). Many undeserved blessings. I often joke with my friends and family that when God gets ready to send me a husband he's going to have to put a sign around his neck saying "This one is for you, Allye".

Jedi · Apr 2, 2004

HoosierCanuck said:
Unfortunately there is some truth to that but it seems that the DIVA always ends up with the nice guy instead of the jock. While the nice girl is rejected by ALL. Jocks don't want her because she just doesn't look like the 'perfect trophy' girl, and nice guys are busy drooling over themselves because they got the Diva girl. What does a NICE girl end up with??? A FREAKIN' CAT!!!!

I see where youre coming from, however, Im not so sure this description of the social world and the attractions of people makes much objective sense (although subjectively, it may appear to be as you described). If it is the nice guys that end up with the divas, then whom do the jocks end up with? Surely there aren't enough divas for every guy who wants one. In this system were discussing, is it not the jocks that are supposed to outshine the nice guys (hence the phrase Nice guys finish last)? If the nice guys are drooling over the divas, then how are they different from the jocks? Are all men now the same, but some are more attractive than others (the attractive ones being jocks and the not-so-attractive ones being nice guys)? If so, then nice guys really arent nice guys theyre simply the underdogs who play second fiddle to the jocks.

In the end, I think we tend to lose focus of whos really in charge of our love life: God. Of course, one of the most difficult lessons for humans to learn is that we ought to be more excited in accomplishing Gods will than our own. I think if we can do this, our discontentment concerning our single status would be far less.

HoosierCanuck · Apr 3, 2004

Jedi said:
If it is the nice guys that end up with the divas, then whom do the jocks end up with? Surely there aren't enough divas for every guy who wants one.

I guess I've always been under the impression that the world's female population is larger than the male population.

Jedi Quote: In this system we’re discussing, is it not the jocks that are supposed to outshine the nice guys (hence the phrase “Nice guys finish last&#8221? If the nice guys are drooling over the divas, then how are they different from the jocks?

Body fat percentage (yes, that was 100% sarcasm)

Are all men now the same, but some are more attractive than others (the attractive ones being “jocks” and the not-so-attractive ones being “nice guys&#8221? If so, then nice guys really aren’t “nice guys” – they’re simply the underdogs who play second fiddle to the jocks.

In the end, I think we tend to lose focus of who’s really in charge of our love life: God. Of course, one of the most difficult lessons for humans to learn is that we ought to be more excited in accomplishing God’s will than our own. I think if we can do this, our discontentment concerning our single status would be far less.

I agree with you on that we ought to be more excited in accomplishing God's will than our own. My (personal) problem is that I find that difficult when all I seem to run into is hypocrisy and shallow-minded people who only like you on Sunday morning. I'm so lost at this point I'm not even sure what "God's Will" is anymore. Honestly, for me personally, I can't imagine it being wasting away working 3 jobs and still not making it comfortably while watching life pass by and the life I wanted being only a dream. What kind of a loving God would do that? He gave me a few brains (obviously not enough) but this world is only obsessed with outer beauty (something he obviously forgot to put in my DNA). How can someone who's life is a pathetic, lonely, meaningless existence make a difference for God?

On one hand, I believe singles have the ability to do so much more for God because we aren't tied down to the spouse, kids, etc... but....we are made to feel like aliens in our own religion because we don't fit into the special little mold of housewife, soccer mom, etc... Sometimes I wonder why in the heck I even try to be a Christian....I don't fit in!

mina · Apr 3, 2004

HoosierCanuck said:
I agree with you on that we ought to be more excited in accomplishing God's will than our own. My (personal) problem is that I find that difficult when all I seem to run into is hypocrisy and shallow-minded people who only like you on Sunday morning. I'm so lost at this point I'm not even sure what "God's Will" is anymore. Honestly, for me personally, I can't imagine it being wasting away working 3 jobs and still not making it comfortably while watching life pass by and the life I wanted being only a dream. What kind of a loving God would do that? He gave me a few brains (obviously not enough) but this world is only obsessed with outer beauty (something he obviously forgot to put in my DNA). How can someone who's life is a pathetic, lonely, meaningless existence make a difference for God?

On one hand, I believe singles have the ability to do so much more for God because we aren't tied down to the spouse, kids, etc... but....we are made to feel like aliens in our own religion because we don't fit into the special little mold of housewife, soccer mom, etc... Sometimes I wonder why in the heck I even try to be a Christian....I don't fit in!

I've felt that way before. It's hard. Even in the church we have to fit a certain mold to be accepted sometimes and that's so hard, and hurtful at times. What i've been learning is that God can be trusted, no matter what. And when the world (and sometimes the church) is telling you that your life is a waste and you don't belong anywhere, please realize that this is the furtherst away from God's truth about you. The world is going to try to tear you down and the church is made up of imperfect sinful people saved only by grace. There is nothing that we can do or be for ourselfs or God that is going to make us more worthy to Him. We cant be good enough, smart enough, cute enough, or go to church enough to make God love us anymore, or manipulate Him into giving us what we want. Our worth to God is only because of Christ's death on the cross. Just because someone is married and "fits" into that little insignificant church mold, it doesn't mean that God loves them more. God love all His children and all our worth is the same in Christ. It still doesn't feel fair though, does it? All I know is that God can be trusted even and especially when things in life don't make sense. Trust is hard, but it's so worth it to persevere because you get to know God in such a tremendous way that you never would have if life was easy. I hope these words were encouraging to you. I still find it hard to trust God in the unfair things. But God knows it's hard for us, and we can be honest with Him about it. God bless you.

JPPT1974 · Apr 3, 2004

mina said:
I've felt that way before. It's hard. Even in the church we have to fit a certain mold to be accepted sometimes and that's so hard, and hurtful at times. What i've been learning is that God can be trusted, no matter what. And when the world (and sometimes the church) is telling you that your life is a waste and you don't belong anywhere, please realize that this is the furtherst away from God's truth about you. The world is going to try to tear you down and the church is made up of imperfect sinful people saved only by grace. There is nothing that we can do or be for ourselfs or God that is going to make us more worthy to Him. We cant be good enough, smart enough, cute enough, or go to church enough to make God love us anymore, or manipulate Him into giving us what we want. Our worth to God is only because of Christ's death on the cross. Just because someone is married and "fits" into that little insignificant church mold, it doesn't mean that God loves them more. God love all His children and all our worth is the same in Christ. It still doesn't feel fair though, does it? All I know is that God can be trusted even and especially when things in life don't make sense. Trust is hard, but it's so worth it to persevere because you get to know God in such a tremendous way that you never would have if life was easy. I hope these words were encouraging to you. I still find it hard to trust God in the unfair things. But God knows it's hard for us, and we can be honest with Him about it. God bless you.

We aren't like you said are good, smart, attractive, or manipulative enough but our worth is from God who sent his son Jesus into the world and gave his life for us. Most of the time I feel God isn't with me at all in times of trouble but I know I can put my faith and trust in him no matter what occurs. But keep beliving and having faith is all I can tell you all.

Fungal Growth · Apr 3, 2004

just waiting for the perfect woman to come along, one thats a Prov 31 woman and that can put up with my faults and nerdiness. seems most of the women im attracted to are ont heir way away from God, such the double whammy, hopefully God will open the dorr to a relationship that i never thought could happen, til then ill be happily single

Greenriser · Apr 4, 2004

I'm waiting for somone who is happy, healthy, and Strong. Someone who has a beautiful smile and eyes that light up the room. Someone who has an inner glow , Yes. God will allow me to see that person one day, and I will have alot of fun and good times with them .

The future is influenced by your realationship with God . Make it good. God Bless you all .

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