Who really want to be a Christian?

Akita Suggagaki said:

In my brighter moments I do also. I would like to sustain them and deepen them.

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We cannot even desire to do this on our own.

Yet His Word says "ye though Ye Slay me, still will I trust Thee" ... and much much much more for our benefit and life in trusting Jesus. (do not trust men)

Akita Suggagaki said:

Grace and effort. Maybe I want all grace without effort. And yet I think I have made a lot of effort. I don't mind effort. It s suffering I don't want.

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With the understanding of truth, revealed by God,
we can come to

agree with Jesus when

Jesus says : "Do not run from suffering, rather embrace it"....

His Reasons and His Word and His Purpose are absolutely Perfect and Right and Just.

Akita Suggagaki said:

OK, yes, there are a lot of points that we can question. And I think that is ok with God. Even questioning if God exists and what that even means. For me there are a lot of points I put on the back burner. . . like "second comin", what heaven is like, and a lot of other theological debatable issues. I tend to be more pragmatic. How and what in "faith" helps me to live a better and happier life?

When it comes to Jesus I think he certainly existed. Who he is and the meaning of his death have become key issues in Christianity. But I focus more on what he is quoted as saying and teaching. And setting aside whether he actually said these things. Yes, I know the Gospels were written decades after his death by people who had their own theological and political points to make. that doesn't matter much to me. The Gospels exist. What meaning do they have for my life here and now?

I think I am struggling with reality itself. Reality involves change. Reality involves growth. And I think a primary task for all of us is to grown beyond our ego. That is painful for the ego. That is part of our cross. We identify so much with our ego we think it is all we are and can be. I think the things Jesus said about dying to self and taking up a cross are built in aspects of reality that we simply must accept. Jesus provides a loving personal context for it all as well as help. But that is a faith statement. I, my ego, is resisting reality.

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While I agree with much that you've said, I don't think a lot of Christians, or now former Christians, would agree that "taking up our crosses daily" .... today ... is only a matter of letting go of our egos. There's just too many epistemological complications for any of us to go at being Christian in that way. Sure, I too agree that Jesus of Nazareth existed as a historical person, that He died, most likely as the New Testament writers portray that He did. But the challenge in believing all of this today is what is upsetting the apple cart for many who would have more easily decided to follow after Christ and deny themselves of the world.

Anyway, as to your own personal points in all of this, I agree with you that an alottment of suffering isn't something I particularly look forward to or wish to chase after. In fact, I don't really think that suffering for the sake of suffering is what Jesus was specifically referring to when He is reported as saying we need to daily take our crosses. It's more about denying ourselves the self-actualization that a dysfunctional, sinful World promises we can have ... and if we've metaphorically born our crosses and died to sin, then there's a lot of [sinful] things we won't be doing since, again metaphorically speaking, dead crucified people don't really "do" anything.

Of course, we see this trope reflected previous to the Gospels already in what Paul and James and Peter wrote regarding "dying to ourselves before God." [................and now I'm just preaching to the choir since I know you already know this. ]

Akita Suggagaki said:

Grace and effort. Maybe I want all grace without effort. And yet I think I have made a lot of effort. I don't mind effort. It s suffering I don't want.

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I get that. It is the suffering. I don't want to suffer.

Akita Suggagaki said:

As an epistemological freewheeler, what can you believe, and more to the point, put into daily practice?

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Let me be clear here that by "epistemological freewheeler," I mean to assert that I am skeptical and critical in my thinking rather than a flagrant relativist. Being the philosopher that I attempt to be, however failingly I may do so, this doesn't mean that Logic dies and Freedom rings. No, it simply indicates that I have a reluctance to accept the terms of justification for truth that are proferred and all too often pushed by others too firmly, whether they are Christian or Non-Christian.

... as an epistemological freewheeler, then, I can come to a number of beliefs about the Christian faith because, despite my lack of subscription to the concreteness of any specific epistemological system, perspective or framework, I can still assess and evaluate the world in which I live and in which the Christian faith conceptually inhabits. It's just that I will do so with a reduction or a minimum of assumptions about the nature of Jesus Himself, or about Christianity or about the Bible.

This means, then, that I can still engage a minimum of historical remnants we have from the past about Jesus of Nazareth and decide to appropriate certain aspects of those remnants, not only because I think they're meaningful but because I can rationally and justifiably think they are "real" enough to engage, even for spiritual purposes. This allows me to read a biblical text, or several reflecting some common trope of thought particular to the reports we have about the ideas and words of Jesus such as those about "taking up our cross daily and following after Him"; I can study these hermeneutically, evaluate them historically and consider their import to my own life existentially and, if all goes well, I can then appropriate them theologically.

So, at this epistemic level, I can concur with you about the import of parallel verses like Matthew 10:38, Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, Luke 9:23, or Luke 14:27. ... It's just that I may do so for different epistemic reasons than you or other fellow Christians do so.

Akita Suggagaki said:

Matthew 16:24-26​

24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me".

I don't know about the rest of you but I don't want any crosses. In fact. I usually pray that they be lightened or removed.
Can I call myself Christian?

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Yes, you can call yourself a Christian. Even Jesus prayed something similar (see Luke 22).

Paul prayed repeatedly for the removal of the ‘thorn’ in his flesh. Can Paul be called a Christian?

Asking God to remove a burden is not the same as refusing to ‘bear your cross’ if that prayer isn’t answered in the way you are hoping.

I believe the different biblical authors show by example that we are allowed to approach God in prayer as our authentic selves. And we don’t have to get everything ‘right’ in our expressions to God. This is a wonderful thing, since I am pretty convinced all of us (including me of course) have wrong beliefs and ideas about God.

Akita Suggagaki said:

Level I: I accept the clams of faith and agree to "convert".

Level II: I begin to see that it can hurt and then begin to ask if it is really worth it.

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The seed finds life only in dying, not in thinking about death or worrying about tomorrow. The cross is not so much an intellectual exercise. It is a yoke borne and carried, and the life proceeds only from the carrying. The Lord draws us in and carries us through, and we are content to walk as he did.

There's no rose garden to follow Jesus. Thier will be some persecution. The world will hate you. Christian people speak different language than the world.
Some Christian people tell themselves lies, and they start believing there own lies.
In John 11:16 . Thomas said, Let us go, that we may die with Him. Only Jesus would be crucified. Jesus was fulfilling psalm chapter 22.
Christian people are to carry their own cross daily. No one is going to die. But if it was absolutely necessary, Christian should not hesitate to give their life for Jesus.
Do we get the point.
Acts 21:13
Apostle Paul was ready to give his life in Jerusalem.
Some people lack faith and courage. Little persecution comes and the individual gives up.
Pride another factor. Too busy making money. Or temptation of the world lures them.
They don't want accountability.
Jesus didn't promise rose garden for Christians.
Some people are weak minded. They won't carry their own cross. Thiers some Thomas in the world. If I follow Jesus, the same fate is waiting for me.
Persecution is the main factor.
John chapter 15. The world will hate you. It doesn't appeal to many people to lose friends, family or colleagues.
That big circle just got very small.
Don't expect welcome committee from many people.
It can be lonely serving God.
Many people are selfish and close minded, they are going to sheol.
Those who love and serve God have nothing to worry about.