Which Do You Think Is More Rude?

I guess I find it surprising that a parent would allow their child to behave so badly

Then again, last night I was shown that not all children are expected to behave properly. We attended a mostly-adults party with only our kids and two others in attendance. (They were invited.) My kids spent most of the party playing in a back room or interacting nicely with the adults. One of the other toddlers spent his time physically attacking my kids while his parents looked on. And when he caused my son to spill his drink all over him, his parents actually coddled him for it!

So maybe its just that I know how capable well-trained children are of being fun at an event rather than an annoyance, so I'm surprised when people don't want kids around. Then again, maybe that's why my kids always get invited places.

(Just a reminder, I still think it's very rude to bring children to an event where they weren't invited, just in case I sound like I'm arguing the other position.)

ProfessorMom said:

We've attended weddings where the same thing happened. It's annoying. While I don't think this a good excuse, the mom probably didn't want to miss out on the ceremony but didn't consider the other guests. Or, she thought, "Babies cry, live with it."

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leanna said:

This would have been a good situation for public breastfeeding. Keep baby quiet.

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He was probably 8-9 months old. He was not crying, he was screaming because he didn't want to be held anymore.(Yes, I've been watching babies but mine will be that age next summer. )

I thought it's the bride and grooms day and you should think of them first.

Then again, people have let older babies and toddlers scream(not cry but screaming) so much during church that our pastor tactfully for the past 3 Sundays has mentioned we do have toddler church and daycare for the ones who can't sit quietly with their parents.

I wonder though if the places they take kids to during church services is one of the reasons kids don't know how to behave/sit quietly in a church.

I'm obviously not talking about newborns here, but three-year olds shouldn't be making any noise at all during a church service. They should know better by then... but if they're always pulled out, maybe they'll never learn.

I think its about family more than the bride and groom. Although with the naughty children so common these days I can see why a couple would prefer not to have younger children present at weddings.

HeyHomie said:

I notice that there are five votes for the idea that it's rude to host an adults-only wedding, yet no one has posted their reasons for voting so.

Hmmmmm.......

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Because I suspected no one really cared to hear what I had to say. I think both are rude, but I voted for the latter for two reason, one to be different, and secondly because of the way I view weddings. As Autumnleaf just said weddings are more about the family than the bride and groom. That is what I believe. I believe that weddings are a public declaration where the family, the extended family, as well as good friends and the family of God come and celebrate their union. I planned my wedding with that in mind. Thus, it never occured to me to ask my family not to bring their children (or my friends, or the family of God). Their children are a part of my family, they are my cousins, brothers and sisters, cousin's children, my friend's children, etc. This was 5 years before I had children and yet it never occured to me to make it child-free. Children are not just "chopped liver" or nobodies because they are shorter and more impulsive. They are our future and they are still a part of the family. I can't imagine the selfishness of a bride asking the children of her family to not come. I think of my young brother and sisters at my wedding and how devastated they would have been had I asked them to not come. Do you think children have no feelings? So I think its selfish when people have child-free weddings because that is what I believe about weddings and their purpose. If a young child is disruptive and crying, of course they should be taken out, but I think people have missed the point of weddings when they make them child-free. No doubt you'll have a problem with that, but I do not care. That is what I believe.

Well, everyone might as well spare their time, because you're not going to change my opinion, and that's why I didn't share my thoughts earlier. Both are rude. So go try to change someone else's mind. Although maybe someone ought to try thinking of the children's feelings for once. I had many young cousins at my wedding being the oldest (as well as siblings), I know they would have been hurt had I not wanted them there. My sister was 2 when I got married. Maybe I am just close to my family, but that's what I think weddings are all about.

Leanna said:

Well, everyone might as well spare their time, because you're not going to change my opinion, and that's why I didn't share my thoughts earlier. Both are rude. So go try to change someone else's mind. Although maybe someone ought to try thinking of the children's feelings for once. I had many young cousins at my wedding being the oldest (as well as siblings), I know they would have been hurt had I not wanted them there. My sister was 2 when I got married. Maybe I am just close to my family, but that's what I think weddings are all about.

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Well, I pretty much agree with your feelings, I just think that there is more responsibility on a guest to either respect the wishes of the host or not attend.

The bottom line is, it's the bride & groom's wedding, THEIR day. If you get an invite that says NO KIDS ALLOWED!!! , then you either get a babysitter or stay home.

Doesn't matter if you agree with them or not, it's simply common courtesy to respect their wishes.

ProfessorMom said:

Just to let you know, while I don't know others' experiences, the few times my husband and I were invited to weddings without our children, our children weren't hurt that mom and dad went somewhere alone.
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I don't think it's an issue of being upset that mom and dad went somewhere alone, but of being excluded from something that might be special to them, too. For example, the party I went to last night. I go to parties without my kids all the time. Not everything is a for-kids event. But last night we were throwing a going away party for my best friend who is moving to Alaska. It was probably the last time my kids will get to see her until Christmas or New Years. They would have been very sad to be excluded from that just for being kids.

Even small children remember special things like weddings. My kids were 3 & 4 when I married their daddy, and they still remember it. My now 4 year old was only 5 months old at the time, but he can look back and see himself in the photos, and that's special to him.

ProfessorMom said:

Now entering - andiesmama, better known as The Voice Of Reason and Wisdom -

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guests

We had kids at our wedding, no problems at all. That being said, I think the bride and groom have every right to ask for small children to not attend, so long as they realise and accept that a request like this might meen some people can't attend who otherwise would have come.

Just my thoughts

Blessings

Steve

andiesmama said:

The bottom line is, it's the bride & groom's wedding, THEIR day. If you get an invite that says NO KIDS ALLOWED!!! , then you either get a babysitter or stay home.

Doesn't matter if you agree with them or not, it's simply common courtesy to respect their wishes.

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ditto
Years ago my best friend specified no kids at her wedding (a black tie affair in a very posh place), so I sent my regrets saying we (me & my then 6 year old daughter) would just be moving into town the week before the wedding and wouldn't be able to arrange a sitter. She suggested that we attend the ceremony and not the reception, which we did, so my daughter got to see her 'auntie' get married and we were still able to respect her wishes. We had a good time and it was beautiful.
1 1/2 years later, when I got married I had a 7 year old and she and her Sunday School class (that I taught) were my bridesmaids. We got married outdoors in a state park and arranged things specifically so kids would be ok there. We even had s'mores for dessert, which the grown-ups liked more than the kids!

Definetly more rude of the guests to bring them, specially if it was clearly stated on the invitation.

It's the bride and grooms day, they can invite whom ever they wanted. If the family could not find or afford a babysitter, perhaps they could have just sent their best wishes.

(Princess Pea sneaks into discussion hoping no one will notice she's not actually married ... )

I attended a wedding once where children (specifically, the infant/toddler nieces/nephews of the couple) were not invited. The parents brought the kids anyway - not to the ceremony, but to the reception - and one of the babies raised a ruckus during the toast. This baby is now an elementary school student, and his mother still harbors resentment towards her sister-in-law for trying to exclude him.

I can see it both ways - although I've never had a wedding of my own, I've certainly attended enough of them, and I love it when they're obviously special family events. I'd be reluctant to exclude any children in my family, and would ideally plan a day that would be somewhat enjoyable for them too (insofar as possible - what seven-year-old boy really enjoys getting all dressed up and sitting in a pew watching people kiss? ) At the same time, babies and toddlers don't understand that there are moments in life when it's important to be quiet and respectful. It's not fair to expect this from them, so why put them in a position where they may disrupt someone's special, once-in-a-lifetime moment simply by acting naturally? Is it still rude to exclude kids if a nursery is provided for the ones who are simply too little to understand and enjoy the festivities? Or what if you know the couple but your kids don't? Co-worker, old college roommate, whatever ...

For those who think it's rude to exclude children ... Say you're invited to an evening wedding. Maybe the ceremony starts at 7, and the reception follows at an upscale restaurant around your child's bedtime. The food will be the kind that kids tend not to enjoy. There will be speeches, toasts, and no chance of getting out of there before about 11 PM at the earliest. Chances are good that the bride's uncle is going to have a little too much champagne and start behaving obnoxiously. Would you still say it's rude for your children not to have been invited? Or is it rude for anyone to plan this kind of wedding in the first place? Do people have a responsibility to plan child-friendly weddings, and then invite every possible child? I'm honestly not trying to attack anyone - just trying to understand. I hope that some day I'll be planning a wedding myself, and because at this point in my life most of my friends already have kids (one of whom I mentioned at the start of this post) I won't be able to ignore this issue ...

Thanks for letting me post in your forum!

The guests were more rude.

We had a free for all ceremony but a child free reception, mostly because of space, we were so limited on numbers to have 6-10 places taken by children we would have had to exclude some close friends and family. We allowed babies and one couple who had 2 children who came from so far away for the wedding they couldn't leave them behind.

I had more problems with 'partners' I only invited married couples not boyfriends/girlfriends unless they were living together (lots of non christians!) which offended a gay friend I had when I didn't invite his bf, so they didn;t come. He was very nice about it and wrote to me to say he couldn't imagine attending without his partner and as they had just moved in together they were very much a couple. I actually didn't know they had moved in, not sure my DH would have been keen on the idea though

andiesmama said:

The bottom line is, it's the bride & groom's wedding, THEIR day. If you get an invite that says NO KIDS ALLOWED!!! , then you either get a babysitter or stay home.

Doesn't matter if you agree with them or not, it's simply common courtesy to respect their wishes.

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I agree with this wholeheartedly.

One of my sisters had an everyone is welcome- outside, early summer ceremony- buffet style reception in huge decorated tents.
The other had a child free wedding/ reception. It was a catered winter evening affair. No cotton candy.

I think both of their ceremonies were wonderful, and one was not more interesting than the other or more lacking than the other. It just made absolute sense because of the type of wedding they were having.

A guest must respect the wishes of the host. If you arent able to, don't go.

The people marrying has a right to tell who is welcome or not - and if they do, they are rude!
If it as a matter of how many guests that are invited - that's something else... If they have space enough for 20 guests, than that is a limit...

I wonder why HeyHomie is obsessed with these kinds of topics.