K
KeilCoppes
Guest
I've recently come through what I believe is the tail-end of a serious relationship. She is divorced and over 40 and it was a courtship-style situation - she had been in a very long, very bad marriage, didn't trust her judgement, and gave veto power over our relationship to her brother with whom she was living.
For various reasons, which I won't go into, although we were fantastically close and wanting to marry, her brother took a disliking to me, and at one point communications with her abruptly stopped, and her brother said that she was angry at something I had said. He spoke to me on the phone, cancelled my trip for that weekend, and forbade me to speak to her.
Like a fool, I agreed. Later that week I changed my mind to go back out and visit in person and asked for visit information. However, the more I looked at it, the more I realized that his mind was made up. I had no emotional or physical energy left, having been through several trials on the way to there. I was drained, and I was not going back to deal with angry people. I wrote back and said that I was done, with a e-mail to forward to her since communication had been cut. He said "interesting", and that was that. I didn't even know if he had forwarded my e-mail.
Later I realized that I had been foolish and had allowed even the communication that might allow us to resolve things to be cut off. AND I hadn't heard anything from her directly. I wrote her brother back, repented of the rash speaking, and sent e-mail to her saying that I wanted to talk and get things worked out. The brother wrote back, called me a liar, said that both of their decisions had been made, and that I should let it lie. Basically - go away. I sent e-mail to her for the next week or so - not a peep of any kind from her. When I saw her online and sent an IM (several times) she wouldn't even acknowledge me.
For weeks I have heard - nothing.
She is communicating with some of my friends, though - and here is here is the crux of the question: They say that I need to go back, confront her brother and require communication, and that if I don't I'm denying God's power in the situation. For my part, I don't think it wise, and I have nothing left emotionally. In fact, after all the emotional reactions and cuttings of communication I don't want the relationship. If someone reacts so emotionally at the life-or-death level and will cut me off for weeks and not communicate to work it out.... that is not the life I desire.
Any thoughts?
Naturally, I'm in the rototilled heart condition right now - living, but it's like walking with weights dragging. God has my life in His hands, but accusations applied from others are difficult.
For various reasons, which I won't go into, although we were fantastically close and wanting to marry, her brother took a disliking to me, and at one point communications with her abruptly stopped, and her brother said that she was angry at something I had said. He spoke to me on the phone, cancelled my trip for that weekend, and forbade me to speak to her.
Like a fool, I agreed. Later that week I changed my mind to go back out and visit in person and asked for visit information. However, the more I looked at it, the more I realized that his mind was made up. I had no emotional or physical energy left, having been through several trials on the way to there. I was drained, and I was not going back to deal with angry people. I wrote back and said that I was done, with a e-mail to forward to her since communication had been cut. He said "interesting", and that was that. I didn't even know if he had forwarded my e-mail.
Later I realized that I had been foolish and had allowed even the communication that might allow us to resolve things to be cut off. AND I hadn't heard anything from her directly. I wrote her brother back, repented of the rash speaking, and sent e-mail to her saying that I wanted to talk and get things worked out. The brother wrote back, called me a liar, said that both of their decisions had been made, and that I should let it lie. Basically - go away. I sent e-mail to her for the next week or so - not a peep of any kind from her. When I saw her online and sent an IM (several times) she wouldn't even acknowledge me.
For weeks I have heard - nothing.
She is communicating with some of my friends, though - and here is here is the crux of the question: They say that I need to go back, confront her brother and require communication, and that if I don't I'm denying God's power in the situation. For my part, I don't think it wise, and I have nothing left emotionally. In fact, after all the emotional reactions and cuttings of communication I don't want the relationship. If someone reacts so emotionally at the life-or-death level and will cut me off for weeks and not communicate to work it out.... that is not the life I desire.
Any thoughts?
Naturally, I'm in the rototilled heart condition right now - living, but it's like walking with weights dragging. God has my life in His hands, but accusations applied from others are difficult.