When did they go from thinking you knew everything to thinking you are stupid?

~Wisdom Seeker~ · Aug 4, 2006

I've got 3 kids. Only 2 are teenagers. Not even that far into the teens even. One's 14, and one's 11, 12 at the end of this year.

And they're starting to question everything I say in that condescending "you're so stupid" tone of voice?

What's up with that?

Does this happen to you? And if so, how do you deal?

And please, sombody, any idea when they'll stop rolling their eyes at me and treating everything I say as if it were the dumbest thing in the world?

tp65 · Aug 4, 2006

I don't answer them if it is in that tone of voice. I usually say "excuse me?" Until they change their tone. It happened with both of my kids, 17 and 12, but was very short lived bc we didn't take it. I treat them respectfully and expect the same. Perhaps more importantly, we as parents don't talk to them as if they are stupid so they shouldn't do that with us. Rolling of eyes got just as much punishment as anything else disrespectful. Hope it is short-lived for you too! ( I do think it is normal for them to try!)

~Wisdom Seeker~ · Aug 4, 2006

I think it's normal for children, when reaching a certain age to question adults to assert their own place among them. I even think it's normal to find arrogance in teenagers. I've dealt with a lot of teenagers and it seems to be a fairly common trait.

But, I'm not an idiot. And I'm not really sure why they think I am. Or why they think at their ages they know more than I do about, oh let me see.... everything!

It is really amusing if you think about it. Or it would be, if it weren't so annoying.

Dgooding · Aug 4, 2006

we must suffer through this ... because our parents did!

~Wisdom Seeker~ · Aug 5, 2006

Aren't there any parents of teenagers that have any real advise to give?

Or is that just too much to ask.

Andi @ Cirrutopia · Aug 8, 2006

Not exactly in this case...

* Don't tolerate it. At all.
* Can you talk with them about it? Have a long talk about why it is disrespectful, ask them why they want to be disrespectful, et cetera. It won't work with all teens, but it will work with some. It will also demonstrate to them that you do feel their thoughts deserve to be expressed...

...sorry that's probably not much help. :-/

bliz · Aug 8, 2006

We simply didn't have much of this.

We always made a point of explaining the reasons for our rules and decisions, even when they were very young. Over time they came to trust us... or they came to know how best to deceive us - one or the other!

DonVA · Aug 12, 2006

Wisdom-Seeker said:
Aren't there any parents of teenagers that have any real advise to give?

Or is that just too much to ask.

I sent my kid to his room and told him he could roll his eyes all night long up there, but I will not put up with that sort of disrespect from him. Privileges would start going away the next time I saw it, or heard that he had rolled his eyes at a teacher, a YMCA counselor, a scoutmaster... (Yea, he had a real issue with authority that we continue to deal with, but there has been some improvement).

I agree with the poster who said that it IS natural, but that doesn't mean we have to tolerate it. I rolled my eyes at my mother exactly ONE time. It was met with a slap across the face. Lesson learned!

sreno7 · Aug 13, 2006

It is developmentally appropriate, like it is developmentallly appropriate for a two year old to have tantrums. That doesn't mean it is OK to be disrespectful. They can respectfully disagree with you however the house rules are the house rules. If they have an informed opinion on something then be open to discuss it if they can remain respectful but the adults are in charge of whether rules get changed or not.
Try to not appear like too much of a dictactor and make the rules on only the most important issues to you and your family and try to be flexible on the less important stuff.

DonVA · Aug 13, 2006

I'm with you. Respecting authority IS the major issue in this house, as he has pretty much tried to run over every authority figure he's encountered. I even broke it down for him:

First you disobey me, and you're grounded.
If you disobey a teacher, you're suspended.
If you disobey a boss, you're fired.
If you disobey an officer, you're under arrest.
If you disobey a judge, you go to jail.

I've just started to introduce him to what happens to people who disobey the Lord!

Gerry_NY · Aug 14, 2006

You don't tolerate. What I do is ask my teen why she feels that she is right. Then we research it together (after several minutes of bickering), and then we resolve it. Teens are people too. If they feel that you are incorrect, find out why. Then if it is something you can research together, than do it to show which one of you is actually right.
Just an example that I have...and it is actually trivial stuff. But, my daughter insisted that the 2nd Pirates of the Carribean movie was out back in May, and I had told her that it wasn't coming out until July(I can't remember if it was June or July, but I think it was July 7th). She insisted that she had seen a sign saying it was now playing at the local theater. After bickering, she and I researched it and then I asked for an apology.
Teens will argue even when there is no possibilty that they are right. My teen battles over the principle, not because it is correct, but because she feels she is correct. I feel that researching the correct answer with them...several times will eventually help them to research their argument before bringing it to the table.

mccar1969 · Aug 27, 2006

Wisdom-Seeker said:
I've got 3 kids. Only 2 are teenagers. Not even that far into the teens even. One's 14, and one's 11, 12 at the end of this year.

And they're starting to question everything I say in that condescending "you're so stupid" tone of voice?

What's up with that?

Does this happen to you? And if so, how do you deal?

And please, sombody, any idea when they'll stop rolling their eyes at me and treating everything I say as if it were the dumbest thing in the world?

I have four teens , so i know where you are coming from , its a stage they go through, patience and prayer is the key......... The closer they get to God the bettter there attitude becomes.. also i found to watch who they hang around with .. that makes a big differance.. my 17 yr old daughter was rebellling big time, she had no fellowship in the church she was spending all her time with girls in neighbourhood... things really got bad.. i flew her to the states to a church there who had 200 youth on fire for four weeks...
God answered prayer she came back changed, didnt want the music , smoking , drinking nothing of the former her, not even the friends, it is just where togo from here as i dont want her slipping back.... now my 16 yr old boy is having a hard time and my 14 yr old just starting with major attitude, hes hanging out with wrong people though.. which i need to stop... there is no manual for parenting at all.. we have to rely on God .....

Edelweiss4Life · Sep 30, 2006

they challenge us.
I know I did the same with my parents..I don't know about the tone of voice and stupidty thing though. Mine does like to wow me with her internet knowledge.

When did they go from thinking you knew everything to thinking you are stupid?

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