What would you do?

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

I just received a phone call from my former roommate's wife (the word roommate is very important there) saying that she thinks the marriage is over (after barely a year)! She talked a while, venting her frustrations! All I could do was listen (and mostly mouthing "Lord, I have no idea what to do???!!!") I did have to restrain myself from saying out loud that she finally discovered that he's not really a mature walking christian.

She's planning to visit me tomorrow at work. My discipler (who I called right after she did) advised comforting those who need comforting.

I wish she had a mature female believer to talk with but she hasn't befriended any enough to trust them. Why she trusts me God only knows!

Other helpful pieces of info is that her husband led her to Christ!!! But they haven't been in fellowship (she's eager but he's been making excuses the past year).

MMXII · Nov 2, 2006

Not an easy situation is it? Whew!! Use caution with your comfort. She may be vulnerable.

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

MMXII said:
Not an easy situation is it? Whew!! Use caution with your comfort. She may be vulnerable.

Not easy at all!!!

I'm hoping Mike (my discipler) might make it here to help. But I really do wish she had a female friend for this!

Tumbleweed64 · Nov 2, 2006

Sounds like she just needs someone to talk to, and she trusts you, but I'm wondering what the husband would do/say... do you still speak to him at all?

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

Tumbleweed64 said:
Sounds like she just needs someone to talk to, and she trusts you, but I'm wondering what the husband would do/say... do you still speak to him at all?

He's a co-worker!

I've been a little scared to bring up the tough stuff in his life. Our friendship drifted apart a little when he became "a married man". (I know Mike's been trying but I don't know if he's been making any headway at speaking some hard truths in love either. Mainly it's been about avoiding fellowship.) I suspect he's been avoiding it because he didn't want his wife to find out how immature he really was.

Tumbleweed64 · Nov 2, 2006

Sounds like he needs a good dose of reality...

porterross · Nov 2, 2006

I agree with Tumbleweed about not reading too much into the male/female thing. My best friends have always been men and they are far better to confide in for just such things, assuming you're willing to just listen.
There is no problem for you to solve here. She just needs some comfort and a friendly/safe haven. Keep Christ at the forefront of your comfort and the Holy Spirit will guide you.
If something happens that makes you uncomfortable, it's OK to say so. The last thing you probably want is to be drawn into their drama. It's a tough situation for sure but prayer and trust in His guidance will help tremendously.

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

Tumbleweed64 said:
Sounds like he needs a good dose of reality...

He's been getting that for awhile but keeps shifting the blame to her. ("Her insecurities", he keeps saying. He doesn't realize that he's the one making her insecure!)

What impresses me about her is she really does love him! She just can't figure out why he's not more Christ-like! ("Where is the christian guy she married?")

Tumbleweed64 · Nov 2, 2006

Do you suppose, it might help sometime soon, to sit them both down, maybe with Mike, and try to think about where or why things started going wrong? Just a thought...

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

porterross said:
I agree with Tumbleweed about not reading too much into the male/female thing. My best friends have always been men and they are far better to confide in for just such things, assuming you're willing to just listen.
There is no problem for you to solve here. She just needs some comfort and a friendly/safe haven. Keep Christ at the forefront of your comfort and the Holy Spirit will guide you.
If something happens that makes you uncomfortable, it's OK to say so. The last thing you probably want is to be drawn into their drama. It's a tough situation for sure but prayer and trust in His guidance will help tremendously.

I am a listener (since I don't talk much). And one of my gifts is encouragement. And the main thing I'd want to encourage her in is if he won't take you to fellowship, then go to fellowship on your own! (But I'm not sure if God has different timing in all this. God may be trying to allow him to get to a place where he has to cry out for help! I'm just not sure.)

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

Tumbleweed64 said:
Do you suppose, it might help sometime soon, to sit them both down, maybe with Mike, and try to think about where or why things started going wrong? Just a thought...

Quite a bit! And I thought our bible study (Mike, them and I) started trying some of that. But then they moved about 4 or 5 months ago and we haven't been getting together anymore. (Mike left the "ball" in their court for getting together.)

Tumbleweed64 · Nov 2, 2006

I'll be praying that it all works out, and a prayer of guidance for you tomorrow

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

Other helpful info - It's his third marriage and her second. They got married within a month of her conversion (and within a few days of her moving to this state). They didn't get pre-marital counseling. In fact, it was a huge surprise to many people who knew him. (I only knew the last week before she came here.)

bvwsmaker · Nov 2, 2006

Tumbleweed64 said:
I'll be praying that it all works out, and a prayer of guidance for you tomorrow

Thanks!!! I'll need all the help I can get! Good thing God's got plenty to spare!!!

Tumbleweed64 · Nov 2, 2006

bvwsmaker said:
Thanks!!! I'll need all the help I can get! Good thing God's got plenty to spare!!!

MMXII · Nov 3, 2006

Randy, I'd make sure someone else was with me when I talked to her.

Most male ministers won't counsel a woman alone. That may be good advice.

NorwayUnn · Nov 3, 2006

There should always be two councellors, and at least one of them should be the same sex as the one that is councelled. I know that's a rule at some places.

bvwsmaker · Nov 3, 2006

She was waiting in her car when I went to get something from mine. (She was waiting for her husband to get here so he could sign a check.) She asked me if the church had marriage counselors. She seemed willing to work on her problems that she's bringing into the marriage! I referred her to the office. (Hopefully she follows up.)

She did tell me that this morning the two of them did exchange "I love you's".

I did get to encourage her to come to fellowship even if he's unwilling. We'll see what happens.

What would you do?

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

MMXII

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Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

God doesn't make mistakes!

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

God doesn't make mistakes!

I miss Ronald Reagan

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

God doesn't make mistakes!

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

God doesn't make mistakes!

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

God doesn't make mistakes!

MMXII

Guest

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Randy loves his wife Cathy!!!

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