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What To Say?

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Lirpa

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What do I say, what comforting words to I use when I speak with a dear friend of mine that has lost his father? ...A year ago.
He is DEEPLY depressed, and has gone completely off the wall. He's a different person now. Parties and drinks to drown his sorrows. What can I tell him? Is there anything I can do? I pray and cry to the lord almost everyday for him to take his pain away...or to put the pain on me. What isn't God listening?? What can I do?? I'm so lost..
 

Ariel

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You say something like, "I am so sorry." And then you just try to be their friend.

I lost two babies to miscarriage. Of all the people who reached out to me, the most comforting were two women in my church choir who just came and wrapped their arms around me--and then just sat with me and let me cry. They didn't try to give advice, they didn't tell me, "Well, you can try again." They just sat there.

When I finally felt like talking they let me talk. They didn't judge me in any way. They didn't say things like, "Well, you have enough children already" (we had four at the time). They basically let me talk...

There is a Proverb which has so much wisdom in it, "Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out," Prov. 20:5. To me this means that each of us has that "counsel" in us--but a skillful listener, one who has understanding, will draw it out. They will not so much talk to us, but be there as we talk, and help us listen to ourselves.

I hope this helps. Just listen to your friend. Tell him you know he hurts. Let him talk. Even better, if you know of another man who has this kind of understanding, connect your friend with him, because I think men understand each other better, if they can get past the macho pride thing.

Just getting them to talk helps so much. How wonderful that your friend has someone who cares about him.
 
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windcatcher

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I can't tell you why he is going through what he is experiencing. But sometimes, all we can do is pray. Just don't underestimate the power of prayer. You know that you need God's help, so pray to God.

It may take time, but your prayer won't be wasted. Your friend may need to come to a realization that only God can help him. Sometimes people go through painful experiences like that so that they will seek God.
 
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NostalgicGranny

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Maybe all you can say is the truth - drinking isn't going to change anything. All drinking will do is add to his problems, and possibly make him feel worse about himself.

Keep praying for him, prayer does work. Urge him to find a grief support group. Help him to find one and maybe offer to go with him if he needs the moral support.
 
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NoCompromise

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I lost my father almost 2 years ago and I still haven't recovered. I am a much harder person than I used to be. Today is his birthday and I almost lost it at work.

All you can do for your friend is just be there. Call him. Don't pity. Just be a better friend than you ever were before.

I haven't had anyone to support me through all this, and unfortunately I don't know if I will heal well from this. Just to have someone there for him should make a difference even the slightest.
 
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NostalgicGranny

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Nilla, that is awesome advise!
Nocompromise - I'm pretty much going it alone with regard to dealing with my Mom's death too. The way I figure it, is I have God on my side. He's not just taking care of me, but he has my Mom in heaven and is taking care of her too. My mom's birthday is coming up in December, and I know like you it will hit me hard.
 
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