What is virginity?

die2live · Jun 16, 2008

What is virginity? Good question. One that I have been increasingly confounded by ever since my little sister lost her virginity. It's weird to think that she's a not a virgin, but I am.

I mean, I've messed up sexually a lot. I've been involved with heavy petting and fondling. I've spent hour after hour viewing and reading pornographic materials. Let's not even start with my thought life. And yet, I'm considered a virgin.

My sister had sex one time with her boyfriend of over a year who she knows she is going to marry, and they didn't even finish (they stopped mid-act). They didn't even mean to, they just got caught up in the moment. So she's not a virgin anymore, but I still am, even though what I've done is a whole lot more perverted and despicable.

So, I don't place much value on virginity anymore. I really haven't ever since my first make-out session. Like others have said, I think purity is more important than virginity. Virginity is good and something that all those who are trying to stay pure should cling to. However, someone who has lost their virginity but has recommitted to celibacy until marriage, like my sister, is no more or less pure than someone like me, who has made other mistakes but has also recommitted to celibacy until marriage.

As far as whether or not someone who has had anal or oral sex is a virgin, I believe that they are, technically. I would consider anyone who has not had vaginal intercouse to be a virgin. But I don't think virginity is worth anything apart from purity. So what does it matter?

I can honestly say the thought of marrying a nonvirgin doesn't bother me at all. Virginity isn't even a preference. Purity is a requirement.

deliciousBass · Jun 16, 2008

Tamara224 said:
Saying that someone is a virgin who has had oral/anal sex but not vaginal is like saying that a forest is virgin because all of the pine trees have been cut down but not any of the hardwoods.

die2live said:
What is virginity? Good question. One that I have been increasingly confounded by ever since my little sister lost her virginity. It's weird to think that she's a not a virgin, but I am.

I mean, I've messed up sexually a lot. I've been involved with heavy petting and fondling. I've spent hour after hour viewing and reading pornographic materials. Let's not even start with my thought life. And yet, I'm considered a virgin.

My sister had sex one time with her boyfriend of over a year who she knows she is going to marry, and they didn't even finish (they stopped mid-act). They didn't even mean to, they just got caught up in the moment. So she's not a virgin anymore, but I still am, even though what I've done is a whole lot more perverted and despicable.

So, I don't place much value on virginity anymore. I really haven't ever since my first make-out session. Like others have said, I think purity is more important than virginity. Virginity is good and something that all those who are trying to stay pure should cling to. However, someone who has lost their virginity but has recommitted to celibacy until marriage, like my sister, is no more or less pure than someone like me, who has made other mistakes but has also recommitted to celibacy until marriage.

As far as whether or not someone who has had anal or oral sex is a virgin, I believe that they are, technically. I would consider anyone who has not had vaginal intercouse to be a virgin. But I don't think virginity is worth anything apart from purity. So what does it matter?

I can honestly say the thought of marrying a nonvirgin doesn't bother me at all. Virginity isn't even a preference. Purity is a requirement.

Wow this is a great post so I will quote all of it and highlight the parts I really like.

BTW, thank you for being so honest. You explain in vivid detail what I've only thought but couldn't put into words.

Tamara224 · Jun 16, 2008

deliciousBass said:

Okay, it seriously took me like 2 minutes to figure out what the heck you were on about....

Someone's mind is in the gutter.

Inkachu · Jun 16, 2008

Are you surprised? lol

deliciousBass · Jun 16, 2008

*giggle*

BranwenUerchLlyr · Jun 16, 2008

I think the large variety of definitions goes to show the vanity of even wasting time on these kinds of terms. You can call someone a virgin, a non-virgin, a "technical" virgin, a born-again virgin, a false virgin, whatever--people are people are people. And people have sex--all kinky, strange and offensive kinds of it at all stages of life. Some have sex when they're young, some have sex when they're old. Some have wild sex and some have tame sex. Some "virgins" are complete lusty horndogs and some "non-virgins" are pure as snow.

I'd much prefer being with an honest person who had their first experience at 8 years of age and had 284 partners since than a sly "virgin" who lords it over people like a bargaining chip. To me, a "history" matters not beyond what is important for me to know for my own safety.

(Btw delicious, I like your threads =P)

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 16, 2008

beamishboy said:
I disagree. There are lots of ideas a person can have in masturbation and technically, in can appear less pure than a person who has sex just once. But doing it with a girl is VASTLY different from masturbation and that's what virginity is all about - you haven't done it with a real person. Maybe that's why single-sex schools are better. The opportunity and temptation are less.

And why are you on this thread when it says you are 13? You shouldn't even be in this section, let alone this thread.

deliciousBass · Jun 16, 2008

BranwenUerchLlyr said:
I think the large variety of definitions goes to show the vanity of even wasting time on these kinds of terms. You can call someone a virgin, a non-virgin, a "technical" virgin, a born-again virgin, a false virgin, whatever--people are people are people. And people have sex--all kinky, strange and offensive kinds of it at all stages of life. Some have sex when they're young, some have sex when they're old. Some have wild sex and some have tame sex. Some "virgins" are complete lusty horndogs and some "non-virgins" are pure as snow.

I'd much prefer being with an honest person who had their first experience at 8 years of age and had 284 partners since than a sly "virgin" who lords it over people like a bargaining chip. To me, a "history" matters not beyond what is important for me to know for my own safety.

(Btw delicious, I like your threads =P)

Yay my favorite person on CF has decided to grace my thread with her presence.

So you think "virgin" is merely a label? Hmm... I tend to agree...particularly how it applies to females... the concept of virginity and losing it is put on a pedestal I think when there are other sins out there.. I think we focus too much on sexual immorality be it premarital sex or homosexuality.

Supplanter · Jun 16, 2008

deliciousBass said:
Yay my favorite person on CF has decided to grace my thread with her presence.

So you think "virgin" is merely a label? Hmm... I tend to agree...particularly how it applies to females... the concept of virginity and losing it is put on a pedestal I think when there are other sins out there.. I think we focus too much on sexual immorality be it premarital sex or homosexuality.

I don't think we focus too much on sexual immorality when it is a big deal in the Bible and vastly important to God. However, I do think that there are many miscoceptions about sexual immorality and we are made to feel cndemned about being sexual people at all. The fact of the matters is that humans are sexual beings, all people should have a healthy sexuality though no ones sexuality is the same.

The reason that we make such a big deal about sex is that all other sins are committed outside the body but this one is committed against the self. Which taken to the full conclusion could mean that you have a self-hatred which means thats you will have difficulty recieving the love of God and you would also have difficulty loving/recieving love from a spouse, because you are suppose to love them as you love yourself.

Furthermore, our ideas about the purpose of sex should not come from a secular viewpoint, but rather a Biblical one. Sex is spiritually significant on more than just the husband and wofe joining as one flesh. Sex is the manifestation of a covenant not just with a spouse but with God, so any perversion of this is a big deal. Why else would so many people have issues and sruggles with this, if it was not significant?

deliciousBass · Jun 16, 2008

Supplanter said:
I don't think we focus too much on sexual immorality when it is a big deal in the Bible and vastly important to God. However, I do think that there are many miscoceptions about sexual immorality and we are made to feel cndemned about being sexual people at all. The fact of the matters is that humans are sexual beings, all people should have a healthy sexuality though no ones sexuality is the same.

The reason that we make such a big deal about sex is that all other sins are committed outside the body but this one is committed against the self. Which taken to the full conclusion could mean that you have a self-hatred which means thats you will have difficulty recieving the love of God and you would also have difficulty loving/recieving love from a spouse, because you are suppose to love them as you love yourself.

Furthermore, our ideas about the purpose of sex should not come from a secular viewpoint, but rather a Biblical one. Sex is spiritually significant on more than just the husband and wofe joining as one flesh. Sex is the manifestation of a covenant not just with a spouse but with God, so any perversion of this is a big deal. Why else would so many people have issues and sruggles with this, if it was not significant?

I don't see how you get self-hatred from a temporary moment of weakness and intense pleasure. I take it you mean that the full conclusion is someone who hates themselves and maybe sleeps around to try and attain some self worth from the glimpse of love, affection, and intimacy that sleeping with somebody provides?

soccerdad66 · Jun 16, 2008

BranwenUerchLlyr said:
I'd much prefer being with an honest person who had their first experience at 8 years of age and had 284 partners since than a sly "virgin" who lords it over people like a bargaining chip. To me, a "history" matters not beyond what is important for me to know for my own safety.

(Btw delicious, I like your threads =P)

Was I the only person that thought, that's what I call keeping a list.

Supplanter · Jun 16, 2008

deliciousBass said:
I don't see how you get self-hatred from a temporary moment of weakness and intense pleasure. I take it you mean that the full conclusion is someone who hates themselves and maybe sleeps around to try and attain some self worth from the glimpse of love, affection, and intimacy that sleeping with somebody provides?

You can take it in that context, but actually what I mean is this. If you sin against some one are you showing them love, no. Maybe most would no take it to the extrmeme of hating them, but if you do something wrogn to them then you cannot love them at the same time you are doing that. If you sin against yourself, are you showing yourself love? No, not at that moment you are not. The problem with sexual immorality is that is often an ongoing sin with major consequences. So, you ahve a constant sin in your life, so you are being constantly unloving toward yourself which pretty much leads to loathing. Most people who have been deeply involved with sexual immorality whether they are virgins or not, including myself, will tell you that continued failure in this area leads to serious problems with your own self-worth and self-love. You truly do begin to hate yourself the more you give in. It is hard to explain, but I am sure there are others here who have felt this self-loathing that takes hold of people involved in sexual immorality.

soccerdad66 · Jun 16, 2008

Supplanter said:
You can take it in that context, but actually what I mean is this. If you sin against some one are you showing them love, no. Maybe most would no take it to the extrmeme of hating them, but if you do something wrogn to them then you cannot love them at the same time you are doing that. If you sin against yourself, are you showing yourself love? No, not at that moment you are not. The problem with sexual immorality is that is often an ongoing sin with major consequences. So, you ahve a constant sin in your life, so you are being constantly unloving toward yourself which pretty much leads to loathing. Most people who have been deeply involved with sexual immorality whether they are virgins or not, including myself, will tell you that continued failure in this area leads to serious problems with your own self-worth and self-love. You truly do begin to hate yourself the more you give in. It is hard to explain, but I am sure there are others here who have felt this self-loathing that takes hold of people involved in sexual immorality.

I understand what your trying to say, it's just not easy to state in a paragraph.

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 16, 2008

So you say, but at 13 you hardly have anything of experience to contribute to a "singles" forum.

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 16, 2008

Surely you jest! Really? You may think that, that is logical, but I think you've got some learning to do.

penNpaper · Jun 16, 2008

**raise hand**

Everyone has their own opinion on the matter of being pure as well as the whole virginity debate. From the ones that have lived pure for all of their adult life, great job to the ones that has had an sexual encounter, it isn't the end of the world either. The Lord loves us all even if we made a mistake in purity in the past.

We are living within the 21st century where the whole concept of 'sex' has been perverted by Satan and has taken away the original concept of 'sex' from God's viewpoint between a husband and his wife. Yes the Lord made Sex and He knew what He was doing too in that regards to give a gift in marriage for a husband and a wife to 'express their love for each other'...

Sometimes as Christians we can wear that 'Virgin' t-shirt on too tight at times. We can be proud that we haven't screwed up in that area. But at the same time we are human beings too I mean we aren't perfect Christians either we all have sinned from His glory. I just worried at times there are too many Christians with the viewpoint 'well I'm only going to married a virgin because I'm a virgin' clause. I am sorry but that is a little like 'well I'm only going to married a thin person' sterotypes and so on. I am really worried about this matter. You have to realized the Lord has forgiven all sins I mean every single sin from stealing a cookie from the cookie jar to the grand crime ever murder...and it takes that little prayer Lord, forgive me from my sins. Yes we all have to face certain things from our sins at times what we reap is what we sow...but as Christians we need not to judge our life partners because of their past mistakes. Is it because your life partner got some and you did not when you were younger jealous thought? It could be many yes we all want to live pure for the Lord just don't be too shock when your life partner that the Lord has chosen you to be with is not a virgin...and if that person is well then God Bless!!!!!

The Lord made 'sex' in marriage for a husband and a wife. To express their love for each other and have children and so on...Sex in the right concept is gooooood...

That is all

God Bless,
Drew

Outlaw7583 · Jun 16, 2008

OK time for my opinion, ahem ok virginity is being sexually pure, can you be unpure in other areas of your life and still be a virgin sure you can....but you can also have a past of sexual sin and still be a virgin as well. if you repent your sins then you will be washed clean. I mean does it make sense for Jesus to tell us that he will wash away all of our sins with his blood but we still say that it don't matter because we have sinned in the past by having sex? well not to me it doesn't but thats my opinion and interpretation of the Bible.

So now I have read many people who say that this topic is not black or white, but rather there is a lot of grey area. not in my mind its quite simple sex is sex point blank. lust is a sin. it is a sexual sin. therefore it takes away from your sexual purity. oral SEX, vaginal SEX, anal SEX. is all SEX...... and masturbation is a sexual practice and it's also in the bible that it is better to drop your seed into a belly of a harlot then on the ground. so if you touch you might as well be having sex with a harlot in God's eyes. so pretty much in God's eyes if you have sex in any shape, form or fashion then it is sexual sin and it takes away from your virginity. which in a way it is harsh because i'm pretty sure everyone has at least lusted over someone, and even a lot of people who have not had sexual intercoarse has at least masterbated. it's human nature. luckily Jesus died for us on that cross in Calvary and he can wash away all these sins and we can all be clean and pure again. Lord knows I have committed my share of sexual sins but I can still be washed clean (thank you Jesus). but again we are all born sinners and we will continue to sin till the day we die. just gotta make sure you ask for forgiveness.

Again just to avoid some arguments from people who may say i'm wrong in what I say all this is based on my interpretation of the Bible. and to say that a virgin is someone who is sexually pure is my opinion. a lot of people see that word to say someone who has never had traditional sex. to me it's anyone who has committed a sexual sin.

soccerdad66 · Jun 16, 2008

Outlaw7583 said:
... and masturbation is a sexual practice and it's also in the bible that it is better to drop your seed into a belly of a harlot then on the ground. so if you touch you might as well be having sex with a harlot in God's eyes...

I'm curious now, do you have a reference for that?

memoriesbymichelle · Jun 16, 2008

It's not in the Bible. Here's a link about that very statement.

http://www.probe.org/content/view/555/47/

Tink · Jun 16, 2008

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What is virginity?

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