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i understand, i was struggling pretty bad November until recently just started feeling good again
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i understand, i was struggling pretty bad November until recently just started feeling good again@J Mick is really struggling right now (as most of us do) so perhaps a PM is in order.... as for me I completely understand what you meant and I don't take offence at all
I have had issues with this for years but thought they were human and God showed me they were actually demonic after I was saved and has healed me of the worst of it (but that sort of thing does take a toll on one's mind after so long), so there are days the enemy will try those tactics again and try to get me to fight with people instead of with him (satan). I guess my other issues that are holding me back from reading the bible, praying and getting closer to God don't help matters either.In regards to #2 I have heard a voice for many years i thought was the Holy Spirit but sometimes it would be misleading. I am also diagnosed so i hear things and now I don't let anything speak to me unless I think it might be The Holy Spirit, but even then I always do what I have chosen to do never what I am told by a voice.
It's alright lol. I do write a lot sometimes just to make sure I explain myself properly. I reckon with what's happened to me supernaturally in the last 10 years I could write a book!I read the majority of what you wrote (excuse my lack of attention I have a hard time staying focused but i really tried to read all of it)
As I clarified in the OP, I have a lot of fear and trust issues that hold me back from "advancing", what I meant by "normal" life was having problems other people could relate to and also the fact that God has shown me things I would have preferred to remain ignorant to, which many people still are in the world (and also in churches sometimes too). I know I should feel blessed to have had a revelation from God but all it did was make me feel like my view of "reality" fell apart.I understand feeling like everyone else is just living a "normal" life while you feel like you've advanced more than most. I just want to encourage you that if you are to advance make sure you are able to handle what you already have learned (i'm dealing with a lot of annoying opposition just typing this to you). If you can handle what you already have and still want to grow there is nothing wrong with wanting to advance.
Everything I've experienced so far has not been my choice. Jesus corrected me before I was saved and I just didn't know what the reality of that meant. I guess I expected to return to church and Christianity and live a "normal" life but the more I tried to fit in, the less I did. I realise now I cannot go back to who I was before the dark times of the past 10 years, and I definitely can't go back to the way I was before returning to God. So I really have no choice but to allow him to make me a "new creation" which hasn't happened yet since I think I avoided receiving the Holy Spirit in the beginning.The reason i say this is because i have reached a point where i cannot comfortably advance unless Jesus forces me to because it will be too much if i grow more. I am in a state where i need to be able to handle what i already have. Before i post a scripture that helps clarify what i mean just know you have a friend in me. I've seen what you've posted and consider you someone i take joy in listening/reading your responses. Feel free to message me or just respond to anything you see from me.
This is a place holder post, i just want you to know i read everything you wrote and will now begin to write a thoughtful responseI have had issues with this for years but thought they were human and God showed me they were actually demonic after I was saved and has healed me of the worst of it (but that sort of thing does take a toll on one's mind after so long), so there are days the enemy will try those tactics again and try to get me to fight with people instead of with him (satan). I guess my other issues that are holding me back from reading the bible, praying and getting closer to God don't help matters either.
It's alright lol. I do write a lot sometimes just to make sure I explain myself properly. I reckon with what's happened to me supernaturally in the last 10 years I could write a book!
As I clarified in the OP, I have a lot of fear and trust issues that hold me back from "advancing", what I meant by "normal" life was having problems other people could relate to and also the fact that God has shown me things I would have preferred to remain ignorant to, which many people still are in the world (and also in churches sometimes too). I know I should feel blessed to have had a revelation from God but all it did was make me feel like my view of "reality" fell apart.
Everything I've experienced so far has not been my choice. Jesus corrected me before I was saved and I just didn't know what the reality of that meant. I guess I expected to return to church and Christianity and live a "normal" life but the more I tried to fit in, the less I did. I realise now I cannot go back to who I was before the dark times of the past 10 years, and I definitely can't go back to the way I was before returning to God. So I really have no choice but to allow him to make me a "new creation" which hasn't happened yet since I think I avoided receiving the Holy Spirit in the beginning.
I won't bother you with my "stuff", although you seem to understand the spiritual realm more than I do. I am just grateful to have a handful of Christians to talk to that understand and don't look at me like I'm completely bonkers.
I can relate to annoying spiritual stumbling blocks trying to make me upset but i try my best not to get mad at people in my life when i am irritable, sometimes i have to remove myself from a place or situation to pray in a safe way, like i might go use the restroom and as soon as i get in the stall i just stand there and pray lol (probably sounds funny but it's true)I have had issues with this for years but thought they were human and God showed me they were actually demonic after I was saved and has healed me of the worst of it (but that sort of thing does take a toll on one's mind after so long), so there are days the enemy will try those tactics again and try to get me to fight with people instead of with him (satan). I guess my other issues that are holding me back from reading the bible, praying and getting closer to God don't help matters either.
Don't feel like you wrote too much you did just fine i just have a hard time staying focused lolIt's alright lol. I do write a lot sometimes just to make sure I explain myself properly. I reckon with what's happened to me supernaturally in the last 10 years I could write a book!
One thing that helps me is to think of how Jesus knew everything and must have really been dealing with a lot spiritually, all while spending time with his disciples that were arguing about if they should have brought bread on the boat trip. No one could have felt more alone amongst his own friends than Jesus, yet as He said Himself even if He was alone He was not because His Heavenly Father was always with Him. And i remind myself of that often that i am never alone Jesus is with me as i type and with you while you read this and after until the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20)As I clarified in the OP, I have a lot of fear and trust issues that hold me back from "advancing", what I meant by "normal" life was having problems other people could relate to and also the fact that God has shown me things I would have preferred to remain ignorant to, which many people still are in the world (and also in churches sometimes too). I know I should feel blessed to have had a revelation from God but all it did was make me feel like my view of "reality" fell apart.
Just ask Jesus to guide you with The Holy Spirit, Jesus will help you. The Holy Spirit has names in the Bible such as Advocate and Helper, and rightfully so for He is such, He is here to help remind us of scripture. Whenever you are reminded of a verse you read chances are The Holy Spirit reminded you of that "But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."Everything I've experienced so far has not been my choice. Jesus corrected me before I was saved and I just didn't know what the reality of that meant. I guess I expected to return to church and Christianity and live a "normal" life but the more I tried to fit in, the less I did. I realise now I cannot go back to who I was before the dark times of the past 10 years, and I definitely can't go back to the way I was before returning to God. So I really have no choice but to allow him to make me a "new creation" which hasn't happened yet since I think I avoided receiving the Holy Spirit in the beginning.
I won't bother you with my "stuff", although you seem to understand the spiritual realm more than I do. I am just grateful to have a handful of Christians to talk to that understand and don't look at me like I'm completely bonkers.
Actually it sounds like the perfectly sane thing to do! I was talking out loud to God while taking my dog for a walk the other day and people thought I was talking to myself and all of a sudden I just didn't care and started singing a worship song to top it off.I can relate to annoying spiritual stumbling blocks trying to make me upset but i try my best not to get mad at people in my life when i am irritable, sometimes i have to remove myself from a place or situation to pray in a safe way, like i might go use the restroom and as soon as i get in the stall i just stand there and pray lol (probably sounds funny but it's true)
I completely understand I went through those times the last 10 years and I still do sometimes...we all gotta be in the mood to really read and absorb things as well. It isn't like talking face to faceDon't feel like you wrote too much you did just fine i just have a hard time staying focused lol
lol that's actually funnyActually it sounds like the perfectly sane thing to do! I was talking out loud to God while taking my dog for a walk the other day and people thought I was talking to myself and all of a sudden I just didn't care and started singing a worship song to top it off.
Yes! This reminds me of the disciples arguing about who was better? Can't remember off the top of my head the scripture, but when I read it I was shaking my head feeling sorry for Jesus.. we humans can focus on shallow things sometimes!One thing that helps me is to think of how Jesus knew everything and must have really been dealing with a lot spiritually, all while spending time with his disciples that were arguing about if they should have brought bread on the boat trip. No one could have felt more alone amongst his own friends than Jesus, yet as He said Himself even if He was alone He was not because His Heavenly Father was always with Him. And i remind myself of that often that i am never alone Jesus is with me as i type and with you while you read this and after until the very end of the age (Matthew 28:20)
That's OK perhaps a PM would be better after all, it seems you actually understand the things I speak of .i say all that just to let you know i understand the feeling of loneliness even in church, it often feels as though people are unaware of the spiritual, or if they are aware sometimes i feel they are on a different team (i hesitate to write this but i am just being honest from experience and can take this sentence down once you've read it. don't want to make people paranoid i just live in an area where this is true for me)
Yes I understand the entertainment aspect. I use to be into gaming so much it actually became more important to me than life (sad fact of escapism from depression). I was thinking about the game the other day and got a kind of longing for it, but I didn't give in because I know how addictive it was for me it consumed hours at a time and sometimes whole days and it's a fruitless habit in the end.Last but not least no you are not bonkers, and your reward is great in Heaven. Continue on the straight and narrow. I know you will and are doing well. If it helps at all i've had to give up some things i once was able to do without problem, they were entertainment things but since they are specific to me i won't go into detail what they are so that i do not make that questionable for others who have the freedom to do those things, but for me certain entertainment is no longer available to me and at the days end i am ok with that. i am ok with a humble life style because it seems that is what Jesus wants for me right now and i understand. He is with me always and like my signature says He is my friend. Just cause He is my friend does not make me perfect but He who is Perfect is with me always. I know you know this but i hope you feel comfortable with this new way of life that may not seem normal to secular people but just know all that matters is that you are normal in Heaven standards, which equates to different in worldly standards, and that's ok.
It was actually liberating lollol that's actually funny
Thanks for talking about all this, appreciate your responses, and it is a breath of fresh air being able to relate to these topics with one such as yourselfYes! This reminds me of the disciples arguing about who was better? Can't remember off the top of my head the scripture, but when I read it I was shaking my head feeling sorry for Jesus.. we humans can focus on shallow things sometimes!
That's OK perhaps a PM would be better after all, it seems you actually understand the things I speak of .
Yes I understand the entertainment aspect. I use to be into gaming so much it actually became more important to me than life (sad fact of escapism from depression). I was thinking about the game the other day and got a kind of longing for it, but I didn't give in because I know how addictive it was for me it consumed hours at a time and sometimes whole days and it's a fruitless habit in the end.
I agree! Thanks for your thoughtful and honest response to my OPThanks for talking about all this, appreciate your responses, and it is a breath of fresh air being able to relate to these topics with one such as yourself
Yes, the other post though was more what I'm starting to understand from scripture as I go along... it really baffles me that many people do not realise the significance of being the Body of Christ. Even I was taught a works based Christianity as a child and didn't know about the work God does in us and through us and that this is his ultimate plan until he told me early on and even then it made no sense until recently the more I learned of the scriptures.I think what you're saying Pipp@ ties in with the other thread you made about "the true Church". There's obviously a lot of Christians who are still living very normal lives (by worldly standards). Some of us will have a closer walk with Jesus than others, and some will glorify Him more - I think of what Jesus says in the parable of the sower how some bear more fruit than others. (Matthew 13:23)
I think also of how we are pruned in order to bring forth more fruit (John 15:2), and I wonder if this is part of what you are undergoing and feeling also.
You mentioned becoming a new creation earlier and how you don't believe that's happened yet. The scriptures say we are new creations if we are in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17) But it is a process of becoming that while we live in these bodies of flesh. It's like all the warring in spirit/flesh are the things holding me back from my true identity in Christ. (Colossians 3:3)
Yes, I was beginning to think this site did not really have much of the edifying fellowship I was after, but in a handful of people so far...and I guess a handful is enough and I'm grateful for you guys and the knowledge you have and the meaningful conversations in different posts that I can learn fromIt's great to know we are among friends who have undergone similar trials. We may be in physical fellowship within a congregation and still not be able to talk about some of these things. So the Lord has given us a blessing with this forum, and I do see it as part of fellowship.
A normal life is :To me it's not having a crisis every day..I came to this site in the hopes of finding the Christian fellowship I could not seem to find in my local churches and the need to stay "on-track" in my walk of faith was becoming extremely difficult in my current situation which is fairly isolated. Even though there has been some discussions with others on this site that have been helping me to change my perspective on some issues I've been facing, the vast majority have been far from truly edifying and have actually set me back somewhat and bought out my "old man". I suppose it's something I should have expected, since this past year, I cannot seem to find the help and understanding I seek within myself or from other people. Perhaps this has been God's way for me to really understand I cannot rely on anyone but him alone.
Anyway, it seems I am more an isolated case than I initially thought, because if this site and the content is anything to go by, it's often that people are either splitting hairs over scripture or they respond to posts with it and not much of their own personal experiences so they can "back-up" what they understand from scriptures to be true... or perhaps, this is just my assumption and people have had experience but are often unwilling to share it online, especially in a public forum? I don't know. I personally have always been an "open book" so to speak (often to my own detriment), and it's come so naturally to me that I don't try to hide or disguise who I really am with other people.
This past year since being "saved", has been a lot of experiences that have propelled an extreme shift in my view of life and the world. Unlike some others who choose to believe the bible and enter "Christianity" in faith, my experience happened somewhat in reverse.
I grew up in "Christianity", was never taught correctly about The Holy Trinity or who Jesus really was, (other than he was the Son of God who died on the cross for our sins). But in my heart I always believed in the heavenly Father as God and even when I "turned away" from faith, that feeling deep down was always there and I could never truly deny there was/is a God, like some others. Due to my religious upbringing and trauma surrounding that, I never could truly pick up a bible, read or understand it for myself - so I never did - in fact, despite having many promptings that I understand now looking back, to have been from God - not once did I ever consider the bible as being the source of his truth. In fact, I got to a point a few years ago where I utterly despised "Christianity" and I even scoffed at those who believed that a man who lived 2000 years ago was actually God. (Of course, this view I regret and feel a fool for now) but it is what it is.
Fast forward to about a year and bit ago, and my whole life was changed instantly when I had a revelation of Jesus after I "cried out" to God in my utter misery and despair and due to the previous 10 years of what I now understand to be spiritual attacks and other strange supernatural occurances - I did not have the faith to believe or do what I had been shown by Jesus to do, so I put the entire experience in the "crazy" basket and continued on my own path. A month later, I got the shock of my life when I was attacked by demons who initially led me to believe the "source" of information I was receiving was from God. If it weren't for my childhood religious teaching of God giving humans "free will", I do believe I would have been possessed, but perhaps God already knew the choice I would make and that I would not have willingly chosen satan had I thought before that time satan actually existed. (Which I never did before that experience).
The reason for my detailed post is to give the background as to why I'm in this current state of feeling like I entered the "twilight zone" and no matter how hard I try to get "back on track" with day to day life, I just can't seem to see anything the same way any more. In my attempts to attend church and return to being a "good little Christian", I found myself on the outside looking in, realising that many people in this setting of a traditional church tend to focus on "following the bible", fellowship with others in the church and doing community service outside of it. Most seem to have "normal" lives and "normal" problems, not much different to those of secular society, and I found myself kind of envious that they seemed to enjoy the peaceful ignorance of the spiritual reality that exists, something that I desperately so wanted to have my entire life.
Often, a Christian will read something like this and suggest I read scripture and seek God. I've often told others the same thing after expressing my view from my own experiences, but even though I know this is necessary, I cannot seem to do this for myself. Partly due to old trauma and the spiritual attacks that have left me feeling more vulnerable than I did before, which is a feeling I absolutely detest, but also because my childhood view of the heavenly Father "watching over" everyone has changed and I no longer understand how I'm supposed to relate to him. And I'm not "open" to more "supernatural" stuff, after countless emotionally triggering situations and experiences this year, I just want to close my eyes and bury my head in the sand but I know so long as I do this I'm not making any progress in getting closer to God or spiritual growth. I also don't believe I have the Holy Spirit "indwelling" in me. I have heard him speak and felt his presence, but due to my "salvation" day, something I won't go into here, I have come to believe we have to make a choice and be truly "open" and vulnerable in order to receive the Holy Spirit and subsequently, be "born-again". I personally made a choice to put my wall up at that time and I've often thought I better hurry up or I'm going to lose God and end up worse than i was before, but the overwhelming fear of being open to his Spirit truly prevents me from moving forward.
Has anyone else had trauma and issues surrounding closeness and vulnerability with others and how has this affected your openness to God and your progression in your relationship with him?
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