What did you do with the photos?

GQ Chris · Aug 7, 2008

I boxed them away, I don't have any more ill will towards her, but a lot of the pics also have my daughter in it when she was really small and Adorable, so I definitely can't get rid of those. I was a different person when I was with the ex than the Man that I am now.

AMOG · Aug 9, 2008

This makes very good reading.

Isn't it interesting that how we deal with the trinkets of past relationships (pictures, family items, personal rememberances) tells us more about ourselves then anything else?

I can't imagine being so mad at her that I want to burn/shred/destroy her pictures or her high school year books, or any of the other personal things she left behind in her rush to leave. I sent her what she wants and the rest I just keep in the attic against the day she decides she wants them or the kids want them.

I certainly don't want to look at them every day, but that is accomplished by having them out of sight.

Now as for the sex toys, as one poster noted. It's just good hygiene to swap those out.

eatenbylocusts · Aug 9, 2008

There is a church family portrait from when my son was a baby and that's in my son's room. The wedding album is around somewhere. My parents spent a fair amount of money for the photographer. There are some pics that I might consider getting rid of, but since pics are all my kids have for a father, I'll be keeping them.

I forgot about the love letters. I'll have to look through those one day and probably get rid of them. They weren't heartfelt original words, so they don't really have a lot of meaning from what I remember.

GQ Chris · Aug 9, 2008

AMOG said:
Now as for the sex toys, as one poster noted. It's just good hygiene to swap those out.

TMI

AMOG · Aug 10, 2008

Hey GQ,

Someone else said it first... I just couldn't leave it without commenting.

Adamantium · Aug 10, 2008

dbhost said:
I stuffed mine through the shredder, or cooked them on the BBQ grill. I don't want ANY trace left of that relationship.

The photos, the cards addressed to both, letters etc... have all been burned or shredded. The car I owned was sold for a new one, the furnishings, the dishes, the cookware, nearly everything was replaced.

I am busting my tail feathers working on remodeling my house and praying the real estate market comes back up so I can get out of this house, and into one without a history of her being here.

God has blessed me to be able to do this. I have skills in construction and woodworking, not to mention a good paying job and plenty of friends willing to help out. I am trying where I can to return the favor as it were...

Boy do I understand this perspective.

Unfortunately for me, between the time we dated and the time we were married, 20 years of my life went by. Really, only the last 10 were horrible ("only!") so I kept three or four non-wedding photos that include him, but they're put away where I don't have to see them. I didn't have any love letters to deal with, because he never wrote any. I had to keep my car, but it was in my name only, already paid off, he never drove it and I *like* it. Not tainted. The house though...most of it has been repainted. I've got mostly new furniture. The dishes, utensils and the cookware was replaced. I'd love it if we could sell and move, but it just doesn't make sense for us right now.

I want to be able to make new memories with my wonderful forever husband, not live amongst the cruel and angry ghosts of the past.

AirForceTeacher · Aug 11, 2008

GQ Chris said:
TMI

Well, I asked my wife not to wear any of the lingerie I got her for her new bf. In fact, she had somethign I'd gotten her that she hadn't worn yet, so I asked for it back and returned it. I now have a VS card and no use for it.

AirForceTeacher · Aug 11, 2008

Flibbertigibbet said:
Side note: I edited his favorite photo of the two of us (he liked the way he looked in that one) to remove him from the picture, and now use it for my online profile stuff. I get a little spiteful thrill everytime I see it (not sure why, but I'm weird that way).

The only pic I have of me in my military tux was with her, so it's edited (check my profile pic)

ido · Aug 12, 2008

LisaU said:
Boy do I understand this perspective.

Unfortunately for me, between the time we dated and the time we were married, 20 years of my life went by. Really, only the last 10 were horrible ("only!") so I kept three or four non-wedding photos that include him, but they're put away where I don't have to see them. I didn't have any love letters to deal with, because he never wrote any. I had to keep my car, but it was in my name only, already paid off, he never drove it and I *like* it. Not tainted. The house though...most of it has been repainted. I've got mostly new furniture. The dishes, utensils and the cookware was replaced. I'd love it if we could sell and move, but it just doesn't make sense for us right now.

I want to be able to make new memories with my wonderful forever husband, not live amongst the cruel and angry ghosts of the past.

I think it's normal to want to create a "new" normal for ourselves - especially when a new spouse enters the picture. My ex-husband's GF moved in with him in the Spring and promptly redecorated the entire house - furniture included (he kept the house b/c he refused to move out of it - so he bought me out and I bought a nicer house ). Ironically, the one thing she didn't change out was the master bedroom set...and the sheets. I findly it amusingly disgusting that she's literally sleeping in the same bed I slept in with him. I wonder what he told her that made her decide not to change the most important piece of furniture in the entire house.

AirForceTeacher · Aug 14, 2008

flnativegrl said:
I think it's normal to want to create a "new" normal for ourselves - especially when a new spouse enters the picture. My ex-husband's GF moved in with him in the Spring and promptly redecorated the entire house - furniture included (he kept the house b/c he refused to move out of it - so he bought me out and I bought a nicer house ). Ironically, the one thing she didn't change out was the master bedroom set...and the sheets. I findly it amusingly disgusting that she's literally sleeping in the same bed I slept in with him. I wonder what he told her that made her decide not to change the most important piece of furniture in the entire house.

Just ewwww. I have to start singing "I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am!" to block out the image everytime I wonder what my ex and her boyfriend do about that.

ido · Aug 14, 2008

LOL - Seriously, AFT...that's a great idea.

ShainaBrina · Aug 14, 2008

I kept all the photo albums for the sake of our children. Once in a while they drag them out and look at them...makes them feel good. The marriage may be over but their past and our history as a family isn't gone.

I did not keep the marriage bed!

Now if there's no kids and it was a shortish relationship... it's easier to erase the memory.

SearcherKris · Aug 14, 2008

Our mattress was in real bad shape and we were both having back aches from it. We got rid of it, and temporarily replaced it with an inflatable air mattress until we could afford to get a really good one. When I left, it had a hole in it. He new I was thinking about leaving him, so he told me not to take both of the boys' beds so he would have something to sleep on. I took them both and left him with a flat air matress.

I figured the kids needed their beds, and he had more money than did. It would be easier for him buy himself another mattress than for me to replace a kid's bed. And I was right...now he has a nice new bed frame and mattresses.

5kidsdad · Aug 20, 2008

She has the actual physical photos, while I have the digital pics. They are saved on a drive, and I try not to look at them, but it happens. Someday I will store them all together, in a file that I will really have to find to look at. As for the others that she has, I want the ones of the kids, and my pics of the vacation sights, but none of her. She can keep them. I know it is harsh, but it is where I am now.

ido · Aug 21, 2008

My older mancub has a framed picture of him, his dad, and his older brother from his dad's first marriage in his bedroom. I went in last night to play a card game with him and he had it set up next to where we were playing so they could be our "audience" while we played. It was pretty cute.

RobinRedbreast · Sep 1, 2008

I left the photos with my ex husband. If I ever wanted a copy of a photo I'm sure he'd comply by getting me a digital scan. I have no need of any photos though, I was happy to leave them behind.

TexasSky · Sep 11, 2008

I put mine away, and am glad that I didn't destroy them.

For me, though, the hard thing is not the images of the wedding, it was the bedroom. I couldn't sleep in my own room for the first year, even with new linens and furniture and things.

TealTuesday · Sep 12, 2008

blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i keep them,look at them. i'm dumb this way.

belovedflame · Oct 2, 2008

I have kept mine, wont throw them away, will keep them, our son will probably like to see them and it was a part of my life, dont get them out and look at them but they are put away in a drawer out of sight, and besides I looked sooo gooood that day

captiveheart · Oct 2, 2008

When it looked like I was getting a divorce a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in my room where I have pictures all over the wall of us. Memories of so many places and so many adventures. I wasn't thinking of the pictures so much as where to store the memories. There were so many, many happy times and so very few tough times. I imagined myself taking them down from the wall in my room, but I didn't see how in my heart I could take all of those memories and change them from being wonderful to being stained with the scourge of infidelity.

We are still working through things and doing better every day. Thanks be to God. I think every woman I've known who has been divorced destroys all of the pictures that their ex's appear in. My ex destroyed ours and my current wife destroyed hers. I think God hates divorce because of all of the things it destroys and the lives it tears apart.

What did you do with the photos?

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