Vodka Shots and Acid Baths

It was a typical Friday night, just like any other; my friends and I went out to a bar for a drink after a stressful week’s work. Drank lots, ate little - let’s just say a hangover was the last thing on my mind. Had a strange conversation with Jimmy about last week’s Grand Prix and flirted with some blonde at the bar - I think her name was Fiona…or perhaps Sharon, can’t be too sure but she was the least of my worries….

It was around eleven when I headed for the can - too many vodka shots and not enough toilet breaks. So I’m standing there, you know, ‘relieving myself’ when some six foot tall, 200lb guy comes bounding in, shouting his head off like everyone wanted to hear him speak - and trust me, looking at him was bad enough, never mind the foul noise and stench that erupted from his mouth when he spoke. Tiny beady eyes as wide as a madman’s glinted in the dark of the Men’s Room as he grunted through yellow teeth,

“You been hittin’ on my woman!”

I looked over my shoulder once more to see who he was speaking to, only to find him nose to nose with me. Slowly I blinked and said,

“Who? Me?! I ain’t been hittin’ on nobody’s woman! I was just -“

“I don’t care what you ain’t been doin’! I wasn’t askin’ you a question!” He snorted and grunted a few more times, then proceeded to spit a wad of mucus to the left of me, and flashing a plaque filled grin, he let out a low growl that sounded like a cross between a wolf and a wild boar. I took a step to my right to leave, only to find him slamming his fist into the wall beside my head, then he shouted

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere! You’re gonna regret the day you ever set foot in here!”

Then with his free hand he upper-cut my chin, then smacked me clean in the face - broken nose for sure. I opened my eyes again in time to see him swing his arm back for a third hit and I quickly braced myself for the next blow - but it never came. Sweat stung my brow as I winced with anticipation and squinting through my barely open eyelids, I saw him squinting back. Letting out a hoarse groan his eyes rolled back and he crashed to his knees, keeled over with a long knife protruding from the centre of his spine. My eyes widened in horror as I choked at the site and unaware this was only the first, I thought I was going to collapse, but I was shaken back to reality by the clear Italian accent that spoke from the back of the room.

“Problem with guys like these? Too big to hide, dead or alive.”
Blinking in confusion, I watched as the speaker (who I later came to know as Tony) muttered something to the two men beside him. The taller of the two stepped forward with a blood-stained rag and with a couple of tugs, he dislodged the knife, wrapped it and pocketed it. Smiling, Tony hopped over the now dead body and standing all but a foot away from me, spoke again.
"You probably don't understand why a man such as myself would be in such a dump of a town, in England too, but to tell you the truth? I'd have to kill you. If I lied and said this guy has been on the run from me for six months? How would you know I wasn't telling the truth? So here lies my problem, I have no place to stash the big guy and you are the only witness as to what just happened. Way I see it, as a token of my appreciation for you getting him in here, he's all yours."
"I can't...a body?! What would I...How? Who are you people anyway? Who was he? Where would I..." Question upon question just rolled right out of my mouth until Tony frowned and interrupted.
"Look, son, I'm thanking you for a favor you didn't intentionally do. Take the body. Say no again, and you'll end up with John Doe here, capiche?"
Vigorously I nodded my head, daring not to think of the possible torture that could have been the end of me. Tony grinned and grabbing my face he laughed,
"Ah! Gratzi! Come, we need drinks! You two, be good fellas and get that dead *** outta here, now!"


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

That's how I ended up with a dead body in the freezer in my garage. Time passed and I eventually got to know Tony and his associates, Vincent and Don, a bit better, and John Doe? Well as I said, he was just the beginning. More men have appeared in his place and disappeared even quicker, it's surprising how fast frozen bodies erode in acid baths....As for the blonde? She was just some bimbo Tony hired to lure John Doe in, and a true idiot she was too: almost leaked everything out to some undercover cop, but after a few more vodka shots, they disappeared too.....

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