Virginity

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

Ok here is my question. Aside from what happened to me as a kid I am a virgin in the eyes of God. Now that said I had intended on having sex before marriage but I would prefer to wait. It's complicated and I know the previous sentence contradicts itself. I do wonder that if I died, would I be judged for my intent or my virginity? I would prefer to stay a virgin until marriage but if it came down to it I am not sure I could resist temptation. With that mindset will I get burned if I died a virgin?

And I know it sounds like lust but really lust is the last thing on my mind, it sounds strange but I am not one who thinks about it. Should the moment come though I am not sure I could resist the temptation. Not just a random fling but with the person I love.

elenore · Dec 2, 2011

I think you need to revise your view of God. Or are you trolling? Not meaning to be rude but you're going to burn in hell for being a virgin?

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

No I'm not trolling.... -__- what I am asking is whether the passive act of being a virgin matters or the intent. Another way to look at it is this and please for the love of all that is fonzie don't derail the thread towards this direction is this.

Say there is a guy who plans on killing someone. He dies before the act of killing said person. Discounting the rage and hate he felt towards said person, has he committed a sin? Likewise I am a virgin, but being who I am I am not allowed to marry here yet. I can if I go to NY and spend an ungodly amount of money I don't have but I have someone I love. I want to wait and I can talk to them about it but I don't want to lose them at the same time. Sex before marriage, I die before committing the act, does that matter in the eyes of God?

MasterpieceMesias · Dec 2, 2011

I'd guess it was the intent. . .

. . .
no offense Amber, but, we've had about seventy thousand fifty-five billion threads on this topic specifically, I think this question was probably brought up somewhere in the junk-pile and you could have probably found your answer using the search button.
No offense or harm meant, just wanted to point that out.

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

Yeah and anyone can find a answer to anything here on google. I would prefer to ask here. Specifically I have a odd question and I needed help with it. God forbid I ask it. Sorry but that irks me to no end and here's why. Theoretically anyone with any question can google it. So any thread here made by you me or otherwise is a waste of time. But I specifically asked it here because I find myself more comfortable here.

Catherineanne · Dec 2, 2011

Amber the Duskbringer said:
Ok here is my question. Aside from what happened to me as a kid I am a virgin in the eyes of God. Now that said I had intended on having sex before marriage but I would prefer to wait. It's complicated and I know the previous sentence contradicts itself. I do wonder that if I died, would I be judged for my intent or my virginity? I would prefer to stay a virgin until marriage but if it came down to it I am not sure I could resist temptation. With that mindset will I get burned if I died a virgin?

And I know it sounds like lust but really lust is the last thing on my mind, it sounds strange but I am not one who thinks about it. Should the moment come though I am not sure I could resist the temptation. Not just a random fling but with the person I love.

None of us knows whether we can resist any given temptation; it depends on how strong we are at that time, and whether we are sufficiently grounded in God's grace.

Your intention is to remain chaste, and that is what matters. After that, pray and leave it in God's hands. If your fiance has any sense (and I am sure you will find someone who has) then he will understand, and he will wait. And then you can work together to ensure that neither of you falls into too much temptation.

God be with you.

Catherineanne · Dec 2, 2011

Amber the Duskbringer said:
No I'm not trolling.... -__- what I am asking is whether the passive act of being a virgin matters or the intent. Another way to look at it is this and please for the love of all that is fonzie don't derail the thread towards this direction is this.

Say there is a guy who plans on killing someone. He dies before the act of killing said person. Discounting the rage and hate he felt towards said person, has he committed a sin? Likewise I am a virgin, but being who I am I am not allowed to marry here yet. I can if I go to NY and spend an ungodly amount of money I don't have but I have someone I love. I want to wait and I can talk to them about it but I don't want to lose them at the same time. Sex before marriage, I die before committing the act, does that matter in the eyes of God?

The act is what matters, not the intent. A man can plan to commit a murder, get everything ready, set out and even take aim. He can then change his mind and NOT do it.

At that point his sin is anger and intent to murder, but his sin is not actual murder. There is still something to repent, but it is nothing like as bad as if he really took a life.

Your intent is to remain a virgin, and with God's grace you will do that.

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

Catherineanne said:
None of us knows whether we can resist any given temptation; it depends on how strong we are at that time, and whether we are sufficiently grounded in God's grace.

Your intention is to remain chaste, and that is what matters. After that, pray and leave it in God's hands. If your fiance has any sense (and I am sure you will find someone who has) then he will understand, and he will wait. And then you can work together to ensure that neither of you falls into too much temptation.

God be with you.

Now see that answers a whole lot, my question was very convoluted I will admit. Thank you so much, I will talk to my SO and tell them I need to wait. I hope they can respect that. God bless ^__^

@Masterpiece I am sorry I didn't mean to snap I just hear that line of thought so much on 4chan and other places it's just *headasplodes* yeah that :S

ThankGod · Dec 2, 2011

Before I found God, I had sex before marriage and I wish I would not have. But I keep in mind that God always loves me, and act accordingly.

Well, if you believe in God, you believe in what He stands for, and you assuredly believe in Jesus Christ. So please, act accordingly, sister.

In Jesus Christ's name, may God bless you.

hedrick · Dec 2, 2011

I'm not entirely sure I understand your question, so please forgive me if these comments don't really address it.

I've never agreed with the cult of virginity. Obeying Jesus matters. So I guess it's ideal for someone who is unmarried to be virgin. (This isn't the right context for a discussion of which sexual acts are actually sin.) But there are dangers in being overly proud of the status, and also after one misstep feeling that you're somehow soiled forever. I'd prefer not to look at virginity, but at whether you're doing the right thing.

Yes, Jesus says that intention is nearly equivalent to deed. That *doesn't* mean that all sexual fantasies are sinful, but certainly if you intend to do something wrong and just don't get around to it, I believe you've still sinned. That probably applies even if you intend to do something wrong and are just afraid of getting caught. However if you really want to do something wrong, and don't because you know it will hurt people, or just because it's wrong, that's a very different situation.

Similarly, and more relevant to your situation, I would say that if you intend to do the right thing and are unable to, that matters as well. Aside from Jesus' general treatment of intent in Mat 5, see Mat 10:41. He who receives a prophet will receive a prophet's reward. That says that there's some benefit even to admiring someone for doing right.

DustPull · Dec 2, 2011

Umm.. Have sex before marriage is fine. If that's a sin you can always pray to God to ask for His forgiveness... Right..?! Im confused
Why are you so scared to lose your virginity to someone you love before marriage? If you are sure you are going to last with him, then why not? If you wanna follow the fanatic christians believes then go ahead wait for another 10 years and suffer from sexual frustration and maintain your sin-free life ( oh right, ofcourse losing ur virginity is such a big sin, you have to worry about that on top of other sins such as lying, being angry, cursing, etc etc). Sigh..

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

DustPull said:
Umm.. Have sex before marriage is fine. If that's a sin you can always pray to God to ask for His forgiveness... Right..?! Im confused
Why are you so scared to lose your virginity to someone you love before marriage? If you are sure you are going to last with him, then why not? If you wanna follow the fanatic christians believes then go ahead wait for another 10 years and suffer from sexual frustration and maintain your sin-free life ( oh right, ofcourse losing ur virginity is such a big sin, you have to worry about that on top of other sins such as lying, being angry, cursing, etc etc). Sigh..

Yeah but I just want it to be perfect, my line of reasoning is that I have waited this long I can wait a bit longer. I have disapointed god enough, I don't want to fail Him more. I don't have sexual frustrations, I think about it sometimes but it's just another one of those things to me. Nothing huge. I only ask because my SO has been asking about it a bit. I don't want to disappoint them. As for it being a huge sin, I thought all sins were the same in God's eyes.

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

hedrick said:
I'm not entirely sure I understand your question, so please forgive me if these comments don't really address it.

It's all cool I had a bit of difficulty putting it in the words I did.

I've never agreed with the cult of virginity. Obeying Jesus matters. So I guess it's ideal for someone who is unmarried to be virgin. (This isn't the right context for a discussion of which sexual acts are actually sin.) But there are dangers in being overly proud of the status, and also after one misstep feeling that you're somehow soiled forever. I'd prefer not to look at virginity, but at whether you're doing the right thing.

Hmmm that's an interesting way of looking at it. I guess it really doesn't matter I just sinned so much in my life I am afraid of taking another footstep in the mud :S

Yes, Jesus says that intention is nearly equivalent to deed. That *doesn't* mean that all sexual fantasies are sinful, but certainly if you intend to do something wrong and just don't get around to it, I believe you've still sinned. That probably applies even if you intend to do something wrong and are just afraid of getting caught. However if you really want to do something wrong, and don't because you know it will hurt people, or just because it's wrong, that's a very different situation.

Again another good point raised. I really don't want to lose this person, they make me happy, really happy. They also correct me when I am in the wrong which I kinda need.

Similarly, and more relevant to your situation, I would say that if you intend to do the right thing and are unable to, that matters as well.

Ok thanks much ^__^

*chases tail*

Aibrean · Dec 2, 2011

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all will make mistakes and sin, even as Christians. We need to be careful of our actions and try not to sin, but we need the help of the Holy Spirit to do that. We can't do it alone. When we mess up, we know we have the assurance of forgiveness if we asked.

If all who sinned never were able to have forgiveness, heaven would be empty.

The hardest struggle you'd face is forgiving yourself.

elenore · Dec 2, 2011

Some sins have more serious consequences then others.

Aibrean · Dec 2, 2011

elenore said:
Some sins have more serious consequences then others.

Not everyone believes that. The only worse sin is denying Christ in my book.

Pal Handy · Dec 2, 2011

Amber the Duskbringer said:
Yeah but I just want it to be perfect, my line of reasoning is that I have waited this long I can wait a bit longer. I have disapointed god enough, I don't want to fail Him more. I don't have sexual frustrations, I think about it sometimes but it's just another one of those things to me. Nothing huge. I only ask because my SO has been asking about it a bit. I don't want to disappoint them. As for it being a huge sin, I thought all sins were the same in God's eyes.

I think I see your point.

The love of your life is pressuring you to give in.

It becomes harder and harder to resist.
You feel as though if you do not give in He will become
fustrated and maybe look elsewhere.

Here is what you should do.
Talk with him and let him know why you want to wait so that
what you will have with him will be right before God and special
between yourself and him.

I know that your heart is right and that God is pleased that you
think of Him and want to honor Him.

Stick by your good and Godly plan and pray that God will
give you the words to share with your boy friend so that
he will honor you as you honor God.

Men do respect women who are virtuous even though
they will keep testing that virtue.

I think that men really do want faithful partners in life so
your faithfulness to God makes you desirable to anyone who
is looking for a lasting and life long Godly relationship
in marriage.

Don't believe the lie that he will leave you if you don't give in.

If he is that shallow then let him go because it would be better
to find out what his intent is toward you now than to give in and
only find that he was looking for a conquest.

Father in Jesus name I ask that You would bless Your daughter
and take away the lies and give her wisdom to know that what she
has is of great value and that as she continues to honor You,
You will bless her and bring her through this and all of it will work
out for her benefit.
Father be with her and her boy friend as she opens up her heart
and explains her reasons for wanting to honor You and bless
their relationship together.
In Jesus name I pray...

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

Pal Handy said:
I think I see your point.

The love of your life is pressuring you to give in.

It becomes harder and harder to resist.
You feel as though if you do not give in He will become
fustrated and maybe look elsewhere.

Here is what you should do.
Talk with him and let him know why you want to wait so that
what you will have with him will be right before God and special
between yourself and him.

I know that your heart is right and that God is pleased that you
think of Him and want to honor Him.

Stick by your good and Godly plan and pray that God will
give you the words to share with your boy friend so that
he will honor you as you honor God.

Men do respect women who are virtuous even though
they will keep testing that virtue.

I think that men really do want faithful partners in life so
your faithfulness to God makes you desirable to anyone who
is looking for a lasting and life long Godly relationship
in marriage.

Don't believe the lie that he will leave you if you don't give in.

If he is that shallow then let him go because it would be better
to find out what his intent is toward you now then to give in and
only find that he was looking for a conquest.

Father in Jesus name I ask that You would bless Your daughter
and take away the lies and give her wisdom to know that what she
has is of great value and that as she continues to honor You,
You will bless her and bring her through this and all of it will work
out for her benefit.
Father be with her and her boy friend as she opens up her heart
and explains her reasons for wanting to honor You and bless
their relationship together.
In Jesus name I pray...

I asked them earlier and they said they would wait for marriage albeit they were a tad hesitant. Thank you so much for the prayer and advice. Thank you everyone here.

MasterpieceMesias · Dec 2, 2011

Amber the Duskbringer said:
Yeah and anyone can find a answer to anything here on google. I would prefer to ask here. Specifically I have a odd question and I needed help with it. God forbid I ask it. Sorry but that irks me to no end and here's why. Theoretically anyone with any question can google it. So any thread here made by you me or otherwise is a waste of time. But I specifically asked it here because I find myself more comfortable here.

You do realize I was referring to the search reference on this website, right?? Perhaps I should've specified.

Amber the Duskbringer · Dec 2, 2011

MasterpieceMesias said:
You do realize I was referring to the search reference on this website, right?? Perhaps I should've specified.

Too bad it doesn't work for me. For whatever reason. But let's say for the sake of the argument you are right. What purpose did your post serve? Should I go around and tell everyone to just "lol use the search nub" For someone who complains about how humans act to them you sure do it to everyone else. :/

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