I don't know where to start. Try typing six paragraphs and erasing them all.... that is where I am right now.
The short verison...
I am going through some major health issues and I am having a serious problem going to the doctor visits because of past abuse issues. I need to get help or else my health problems will lead me to be hospitalized or worse.
I was molested by my father for nine years while my preacher mom ignored my repeated attempts to tell her what was wrong. The mind games were.... well... i'd rather be beaten again than go through the twisted emotional abuse. after dad was outa the pitcure i went out on my first date at 17 and was date rapped. i married that man (to justify myself for having sex outside of marriage...things were really warped then...my mother...man...) any rate, the abuse didn't stop after the wedding license was signed. I went to several people i greatly respected and trusted and was told there was no such thing as rape inside the confines of a marriage... i went to an OB doc for the damage he did to me and .... geeze... the treatment i recieved from him .... i can't do doctors anymore.
how am i to go to the docs apptmnt when i go into an anxiety attack, and all those abuse issues wash over me... and i end up running outa the office or acting stupid? I've prayed and prayed over it all, i've tried taking a support person with me, meditating, using something to distract me... i truly have tried it all... nothing has worked!! I can't stand to have a doctor touch me. All this medical crud has brought me right back to the point where i can't stand to have my husband touch me anymore!!! let alone the doctor!!! it's been years, YEARS since I was triggered this horribly!
all i do is cry.
Help! I have lupus I need to see the doctor. I think my kidneys are affected, and i already know my central nervous system is being attacked by it... lupus involves sooo many doctors and sooo many doctor trips... and i just can't do it. i can't get out of the car in the parking lot!
help?
The short verison...
I am going through some major health issues and I am having a serious problem going to the doctor visits because of past abuse issues. I need to get help or else my health problems will lead me to be hospitalized or worse.
I was molested by my father for nine years while my preacher mom ignored my repeated attempts to tell her what was wrong. The mind games were.... well... i'd rather be beaten again than go through the twisted emotional abuse. after dad was outa the pitcure i went out on my first date at 17 and was date rapped. i married that man (to justify myself for having sex outside of marriage...things were really warped then...my mother...man...) any rate, the abuse didn't stop after the wedding license was signed. I went to several people i greatly respected and trusted and was told there was no such thing as rape inside the confines of a marriage... i went to an OB doc for the damage he did to me and .... geeze... the treatment i recieved from him .... i can't do doctors anymore.
how am i to go to the docs apptmnt when i go into an anxiety attack, and all those abuse issues wash over me... and i end up running outa the office or acting stupid? I've prayed and prayed over it all, i've tried taking a support person with me, meditating, using something to distract me... i truly have tried it all... nothing has worked!! I can't stand to have a doctor touch me. All this medical crud has brought me right back to the point where i can't stand to have my husband touch me anymore!!! let alone the doctor!!! it's been years, YEARS since I was triggered this horribly!
all i do is cry.
Help! I have lupus I need to see the doctor. I think my kidneys are affected, and i already know my central nervous system is being attacked by it... lupus involves sooo many doctors and sooo many doctor trips... and i just can't do it. i can't get out of the car in the parking lot!
help?