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**triggers**

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jynx

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I don't know where to start. Try typing six paragraphs and erasing them all.... that is where I am right now.

The short verison...

I am going through some major health issues and I am having a serious problem going to the doctor visits because of past abuse issues. I need to get help or else my health problems will lead me to be hospitalized or worse.

I was molested by my father for nine years while my preacher mom ignored my repeated attempts to tell her what was wrong. The mind games were.... well... i'd rather be beaten again than go through the twisted emotional abuse. after dad was outa the pitcure i went out on my first date at 17 and was date rapped. i married that man (to justify myself for having sex outside of marriage...things were really warped then...my mother...man...) any rate, the abuse didn't stop after the wedding license was signed. I went to several people i greatly respected and trusted and was told there was no such thing as rape inside the confines of a marriage... i went to an OB doc for the damage he did to me and .... geeze... the treatment i recieved from him .... i can't do doctors anymore.

how am i to go to the docs apptmnt when i go into an anxiety attack, and all those abuse issues wash over me... and i end up running outa the office or acting stupid? I've prayed and prayed over it all, i've tried taking a support person with me, meditating, using something to distract me... i truly have tried it all... nothing has worked!! I can't stand to have a doctor touch me. All this medical crud has brought me right back to the point where i can't stand to have my husband touch me anymore!!! let alone the doctor!!! it's been years, YEARS since I was triggered this horribly!

all i do is cry.

Help! I have lupus I need to see the doctor. I think my kidneys are affected, and i already know my central nervous system is being attacked by it... lupus involves sooo many doctors and sooo many doctor trips... and i just can't do it. i can't get out of the car in the parking lot!

help?
 

Restoredsoul

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Lord, you understand our pain and our struggles. You catch every tear that we cry and it breaks your heart. May my sister know your unfailing love for her, may she know your comfort and i pray that you would begin to heal her heart and mind in Christ Jesus. May she know that you have chosen her to be holy and blameless in your sight, that you chose her before the foundations of the world and that you have a plan for her life. May she experience the purity of your love, may she know that she can cast all her cares on you for you care for her. May she dwell in your presence and rest in the comfort of you. In Jesus name

Thank you for being so open and sharing with us, you are a brave and courageous woman. I am here if you want further prayers or just to chat.

Hugs
Rs xxx
 
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Elshevia

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Dear jynx, My heart breaks for your sufferings, I Pray for you my dear, Holy Father, I come before you with this Child of yours who's Name is jynx. Father, you who know the beginning from the end knows all of her sufferings,
and nothing is to deep, or to high, or to faraway that you cannot reach, nor is anything hidden that you cannot reveal, I ask you in the Name of Jesus of Nazareth. To show this Child of yours, your, Abudunt
love, to heal all of her past hurts, and she has a Autoimmune Disease Lupis, which causes PAIN which we
see or hear about cannot understand Father, change that Pain, into Joy beyond understanding, be her High Tower that she can run to in times of stress, give her the strength she needs, to come to you, where you will give her the Peace she needs, to go to a Doctor if that is your Will for her Father, I ask for all of this Father in the Name of Jesus and the Blood of Jesus, Amen. Elshevia.

recieved over the years
 
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ForHisGlory

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I'm praying for you and understand exactly what you're going through, cause I've been there myself. It's a long road to healing. There are many ways to get around triggers, some that work one day, won't the next. Then one day, the trigger just goes away.
I know it sounds impossible, but trust me, it does happen.
See a woman Dr, take a friend with you, bring a portable cd or mp3 player, let the friend talk while you just listen to the music, call them in advance and let them know everything...take a small stuffed animal for your inner child to cling to....all these things are practical helps that I have used hon.
I pray at least one, if not all will work for you.
My PM box is open, you are not alone...most important to know that most of all, you are not alone!

Tammy
 
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jynx

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I can't sit still... I can't believe what i happening to me... and for once it is something GOOD.

I woke up this morning, and I can't explain it other than I was at total peace when I woke up. (btw I know this peace all to well, cuz the last time God answered my prayers I woke up the same exact way!!!) So I lie there tryin to figure out what is goin on, why I've been blessed today... then it slowly dawned on me CAN FEEL MY LEGS, MY ARM AND MY LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE!!!! I swing my feet over the side of the bed getting ready to go mug my sleeping husband on the couch and tell him what had happened, and I DO NOT HURT... ANYWHERE! My kids and husband woke up to me jumpin up and down on my bed squealing like a two year old shoutin PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD!!!!. It has been over two years since I've woke up without pain, and at least a year or better since I could feel my left side of my body. Every morning I'd wake up in pain, swollen, and numb. I DID NOT EVEN SWELL UP EVEN ONCE... EVEN THOUGH I WENT OUTSIDE IN THE SUN!!!!!! I mean i've had this sludgie slimey feeling under my skin, i couldn't wear my jeans, i couldn't fit my feet into my shoes, i couldn't go out into the sunlight, i couldn't pee, hello! I can pee! YIPPIE!!!! I just can't contain my joy, I had to post it, I had to let everyone know. I've been on the phone all day long telling my family and church ppl how GOD HAS HEALED ME! I mean, my fingers... my fingers have looked like little sausages for EVER and they are so slender and normal looking... and MY SKIN! Praise God! My skin is back to normal... I mean my body has been covered in this weird red lacey rash and I've been so pale, and I LOOK NORMAL. My skin is olive colored... NORMAL... . HEALTHY!!!!! If you could only have seen me before... PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD!!! I mean I drove all the way down to my little sisters work this morning and pulled her outa her cubie and jumped up and down in AVON's foyer crying with her. I can't thank you all enough, I know , I KNOW your prayers and mine were heard last night!!! PRAISE GOD!!! If you could've only seen me BEFORE and see me NOW... you'd know GOD HEALS... He has healed me!!!! I've not felt this good, this healthy, in YEARS. I just can not put into words what has happened to me. I mean, just yesterday... Thankyou for your prayers...guys God answered everyone of them. THANKYOU.

PRAISE GOD!

I just am in awe... I HAVE BEEN HEALED. I know I have, I know lupus goes into remission and all that stuff, this isn't remision, this is the hand of God...I know! I know!!!
 
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