Trapped

somescarsneverheal · Dec 3, 2013

You would think that since i was in an abusive relationship i would see the signs before falling for an abusive man again but i dont and now im stuck in so many problems in my life right now and i know it just takes one step to get out but im afraid and i cant bring myself to call the police when he hurts me. I just seem to let it happen...i dont know what to do. How can i be strong enough to get help when i feel like i deserve to be hit anyways, maybe its punishment from god for everything i have screwed up over the years. I just give up on finding a good guy. I dont think any exist anymore. I just need some friends idk...i feel like this is my fault...idk maybe it is...i dont think ill ever be happy. i dont think there will ever be a guy out there that wont use me, or sell me, or abuse me. i just i give up on finding love.

Paul01 · Dec 3, 2013

You should seek professional help. This is potentially a very dangerous relationship.

mjmcmillan · Dec 3, 2013

For what it's worth, you're not alone. When you dig into the subject, you find that there is a tendency to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Paul has a point about counseling, a good counselor can help you identify the mistakes so you don't make them again.

I had an alcoholic father, one would think that would show me not to get involved with drug addicts/alcoholics/abusers in general. Nope, married and divorced twice to the same woman, drugs, alcohol and physical abuse (she hit me) figured in both marriage failures. I had a time with another woman in the time between marriages, turned out she was a drug abuser and to be frank she made my ex-wife seem like a bargain in certain respects. So--- making mistakes seems to be something I have to be on watch for, too. It's too easy to fall, enormously hard to get back up again. But, it IS possible, with Jesus' help, to get back up again.

RuthD · Dec 3, 2013

Put on your tennis shoes and run away from this guy fast!

butterflymich · Dec 3, 2013

Im so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I encourage you to leave, but it must be your choice. Hope it all works out

somescarsneverheal · Dec 5, 2013

I feel like all im ever going to be good enough for is for men to use as a punching bag and for sex...will there ever be a guy who doesnt want just sex from me...will i ever feel like im worth something...am i always going to feel dirty...??

mjmcmillan · Dec 5, 2013

That sort of depends. Are you going to get counseling, or are you going to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, hoping for a different outcome this time than you got last time?

There ARE good men out there who would love you, but they'll never find you as long as you think you're worthless and keep seeking abusive men instead of good men because you think all you deserve is abusive men.

On the day and in the hour that you recognize that you're a child of the Living God and you're worthy of much more than just hooking up with yet another abusive clown, all of this will begin to change. But, as long as you keep running yourself down and believing yourself to be worthless this will continue because you allow it.

Jesus took your sins upon Himself, went to the cross to set you free, and now sits at the right hand of the Father making intercession for you. You are worth much more than just another night of being beaten.

Chaplain David · Dec 5, 2013

somescarsneverheal said:
I feel like all im ever going to be good enough for is for men to use as a punching bag and for sex...will there ever be a guy who doesnt want just sex from me...will i ever feel like im worth something...am i always going to feel dirty...??

Hello,

You will overcome these things and grow in so many ways if you find a licensed counselor or therapist who is a Christian. Counseling will help you correct things like picking abusers for mates and the dread feelings of the past. Are you able to go to counseling?

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

Willie T · Dec 5, 2013

You've only got one life. Do you want to spend all of it where you are now?

Johnnz · Dec 6, 2013

somescarsneverheal said:
I feel like all im ever going to be good enough for is for men to use as a punching bag and for sex...will there ever be a guy who doesnt want just sex from me...will i ever feel like im worth something...am i always going to feel dirty...??

Many abused women can tell much the same story. With abuse, especially if it began quite early, enforces helplessness and resignation is established. The defilement of it takes away any sense of self worth too, which reduces any desire to take some action "I'm trash anyway" becomes a mindset.

With wise help and Jesus you can change. But, hard as it is, you need to be somewhere safe for that to begin properly.

John
NZ

somescarsneverheal · Dec 9, 2013

Please please please pray for me please

hurtingwife · Dec 19, 2013

Please, get out. You deserve to be happy and God would not want you being abused and hit. I'm in an emotionally/verbally abusive marriage and now it seems to escalate. I am thinking of leaving him after Christmas if he does not seek some type of counseling. If in our gut we know it's not right then it's not. We deserve to be treated better, I think I would be gone if it wasn't for my two kids. Do you have any kids? If you don't, you are lucky that you are able to get out before you do. Call the police if he tries to hit you again and file charges on him and hopefully him going to jail a few days will knock some sense into him. My husband hasn't hit me but he's starting to throw things and punch the walls. Please get some help. Praying for you!

dabro · Dec 19, 2013

Call family...Make up your mind that you want out....Stand up for yourself......I know it's hard but muster up the strength to move out. You don't deserve any of this....And God surely isn't punishing you.....When my ex broke up with me...She got with a guy that was abusive and it broke my heart because the only time I touch her was when I was psychotic and didn't even know what realm I was living in.......Be strong......All I can say is that we are out there. But society has made a stigma and everything someone looks for in a man or women like looks over heart....It's time to change your mind and heart and go for people who will treat you right. You may not like everything about them because they have flaws but they will never lay a hand on you and they will take care of you.

RuthD · Dec 29, 2013

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I have gone through the same thing in life. I know how hard it is to get away from your abuser. I know the pain and anquish being treated so badly can cause and we do blame ourselves and have low self esteem. But you are not at fault for his treatment of you, he is sick but that does not give him the right to put his hands on you. I am praying for you. Seeking professional help will not hurt you, it will help you to heal and have a better life in the future.

quartzy · Jan 3, 2014

As an abused person myself in childhood and adult, what made me chose the abuse was as I felt bad in myself. I did not know that I had a choice of being a different person until well into the abuse. And I did not realise that I was partly to blame for letting him abuse me, I thought I loved him but it is not love to have someone be so selfish to you. You cant change him.

If you think that men only want sex, it is true there are those that do, but mostly they want sex as we give it to them and we do not wait for love. Men who only want the sex, will not wait and good riddance to them. Again we cant change the men.

What helped me to get out of abuse is to honestly ask myself what I got out of this relationship, and then change that by being independent. If you need help and support to do that then seek out people who can help you. I thought I really loved him and I was so wrong, how could anyone love someone who systematically destroyed their self esteem, and then I realised I did not love him and I thought I did by foolishly thinking that sex was love, those are my mistakes even though they may seem stupid to you. Hope you get through your stuff

jimbattle · Jan 14, 2014

Hi,

I am a full-time Christian minister with over 23 years free from drugs and alcohol. I was hooked on crack cocaine and the Lord helped me break free. With His help, I have overcome ALL addictions except the one the Bible says is good. I have "addicted [myself] to the ministry of the saints", (See 1Corinthians 16:15 KJV). In other words, I have devoted myself to helping Christians like you.

You are hooked on the wrong kind of men and CAN be free. However, the first thing you need to do is be sure that you believe the true gospel message. There are false gospels out there and you may have heard and believed one of them (See Galatians 1:8 KJV).

OR you may have heard the true gospel and misunderstood it. Either way, you would not have the power to resist every temptation because you would not really be saved. So first be very sure that this is not the case and that you truly have the Spirit of Christ in you.

Please understand that I am NOT trying to offend you by questioning your salvation. I just want you to be absolutely sure that you have truly been born again. Once you are sure, I can help you resist every temptation to drink by teaching you what the Bible says about your situation and how to deal with it and by praying for you daily.

So go to my blog and read "The True Gospel" and leave a comment and we can go from there. If for some reason you can't leave a comment, email me at jbtentmaker@gmail.com. Here is a link to my blog: The True Gospel!.

Truly Concerned,
Jim Battle

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