This Is My Fireproof Thread

Romanseight2005 said:

Are you kidding me? How about, he should have been honest about his inabilioty to be sexually faithful, BEFORE marriage. How about, he shouldn't vow to forsake all others, if he knows he can't do it. When people are dishonest how in the heck is their spouse supposed to know who they are marrying at all?

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Did you write your own marriage vows?

The traditional ones have the women saying "honor and obey". Wives should expect to be no less than 100% obedient to there spouses.

If a wife withholds sex from her husband (is disobedient) she knows based on the Scripture that Satan will tempt them because of it. The man is responsible for overcoming that temptation, what expectation should the wife have that he will? She is not doing her part, she is in disobedience. Isn't she exposing her husband to temptation?

What we have today isn't removing temptation through obedience and mutual submission but through emotional blackmail and the threat of divorce (which is failing). Men sinfully turning to pornography to medicate the power issue wherein they must submit but she might not (along with others). It's not a Godly solution, it stems from a lack of gratitude and thankfulness towards the wife that God has given us. It ends in Romans 1 and that is not a pretty picture.

Who want's to go there? Hopefully neither spouse, they both have a part to play. BOTH of them.

JaneFW said:

Well I watched my husband - but I never saw him using porn until several years into our marriage.

These actions are hidden, tannic. The person is ashamed of them.

Similarly, I hid my addiction to alcohol. How would he have known it when around him I acted very decorously, never having more than 2 glasses, and sometimes I even refilled the bottle with water so he wouldn't know how much I had drunk. This is what people with addictions do.

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ok JaneFW

Tannic said:

ok JaneFW

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Do you mean okay, I understand or okay shut up now?

JaneFW said:

Do you mean okay, I understand or okay shut up now?

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okay shut up now but I get your point.

JaneFW said:

I never said it was written for me. Again - it's written for people (imo) who have that specific dynamic. If it doesn't apply to you, it doesn't. End of.

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I agree. Movies would have to be probably 20 hrs long and have alternate endings and 20 simultaneous story lines running at the same time to apply to any possible forms of improvement for ALL marriages. As it's already been said, it seems the producers did a good job in showing both sides of it by including the part about the parents marriage, mentioned in the end of the movie. With only 2 hrs....what more can you do?

JaneFW said:

Cons, if people were 100% honest, they would say to the person they are involved with that they have a problem and they will need a lot of patience and understanding. They would reveal all with absolute honesty. Yeah, I'm sure in heaven that will be true. On earth - not so much. Who actually reveals themselves entirely all the time? I mean, wearing your heart on your sleeve (I'm not afraid, say what I mean, mean what I say etc. lol - singing a song moment) is all very well, but it can be very dangerous and most people do not do it on a regular basis. Would most people in a dating relationship do it? I doubt it very much.

Perhaps someone can contradict me by testifying that their future spouse gave them full disclosure of a problem that emerged later in marriage? Someone? Anyone?

I doubt it. Most people with marital problems here were blindsided. Are we all stupid, or was it just hidden until the point it was discovered?

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I try to be completely transparent as much as possible. I believe that it helps me to live a holier life. In some settings it is not appropriate and we have to be careful that we don't use it to seek sympathy or it is not confession at all (looking for allies instead of Christ).

Porn and lust are so difficult because they have the power to destroy our marriages and transparency can speed that process. What I have been trying to communicate to some extent is how women hold that key. I don't want her as a accountability partner but she still needs to understand that I struggle and be aware that I am insecure in that area. I know its hard on her and it breaks me, does she realize that? Is my transparency going to cause her to leave? Does she love me? I'm going to love her no matter what, but am I so damaged in her eyes that she is going to quit?

The enemy wrecks havoc on that field.

Tannic said:

When did I say 'earn' anything? And what isn't love?

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She deserves to get her feet washed even if she is a "feminist". That is love.

Luther073082 said:

You can't answer the question because you have no answer to the question. Thats why none of you will answer the question.

Point proven. . . its pointless to argue anymore. We point out real facts and ask a real easy question and you totally skirt all the answers and still attempt to use illogic to defend the idea that fireproof was not a tottally one sided movie that was only ment for women to drag their husbands to in order to try to fix them.

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You're totally wrong about me not having an answer. I have in fact already described earlier in the thread how after watching the movie I went out and got the book and starting doing it myself without my h's knowledge. Not that that proves anything to you, not that anything we say will, and not that I'm going to offer anything more to you than that just because you said so and will make ridiculous assumptions if I don't.
All you've REALLY proven is that no one cares to answer to you as you've demanded we do.

c1ners said:

Why the heck should any of us answer anything from you men when all you can do is be belligerent and put us down? Why do you think we would want to put ourselves through that? And who gives you the right to order us around to begin with? I am not your wife! (yes, thank God!) and I do not have to answer to a blankety blank such as yourself.

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My thoughts exactly.

I Art Laughing said:

She deserves to get her feet washed even if she is a "feminist". That is love.

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I'm lost.. literally... when did I say anything about 'not' washing my wife's feet?

dreamer1982 said:

You're totally wrong about me not having an answer. I have in fact already described earlier in the thread how after watching the movie I went out and got the book and starting doing it myself without my h's knowledge. Not that that proves anything to you, not that anything we say will, and not that I'm going to offer anything more to you than that just because you said so and will make ridiculous assumptions if I don't.
All you've REALLY proven is that no one cares to answer to you as you've demanded we do.

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If I recall right, you quit the book just like I did. You then went on to state that you had "bigger-fish-to-fry" than a marriage to-do list.

Does that to-do list include coming onto a board talking about "Fireproof" to tell other women's husbands what they should have got out of the movie?

Tannic said:

Matthew 5:28 is two fold. It says the same thing to women as well. Should men divorce their wives for being unfaithful in body and mind? Instead of taking men through the 'hell on earth' that women love to put out there. Should men do the same?

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Sure, I think any spouse has the right to divorce an unfaithful spouse.

dreamer1982 said:

Sure, I think any spouse has the right to divorce an unfaithful spouse.

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Can you demonstrate from Scriptures where anyone has the "right" to do anything? Last time I checked there isn't a "Bill of Rights" anywhere in God's word.

You have a right to be obedient through His grace granted to you by the Blood of His Son Jesus.

Before that, and besides that you have a right to serve sin.

Did I miss any?

I Art Laughing said:

When a person decides that they are committed unless *blank* happens it's no commitment at all. The big thing missing here is LOVE. Love seeks not its own. If a wife loves her husband she is NOT seeking anything in return. If she is bringing an expectation IT IS NOT LOVE.

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So I don't LOVE my h because I expect him to be faithful to me? That's ridiculous. I love him like crazy, and I hope to high heavens our marriage lasts for the rest of our lives. However, I will not commit to stay "no matter what"...even Jesus doesn't ask that of me (HE's the one who said divorce is allowed in cases of adultery). I don't love him less because I won't stay while he cheats on me relentlessly or abuses me, nor would I expect the same of him were I to do those things.

dreamer1982 said:

Sure, I think any spouse has the right to divorce an unfaithful spouse.

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With reference to Matthew 5:28?

JaneFW said:

oh c'mon Tannic. Who asks their future spouse whether they are addicted to porn? It doeesn't even cross most people's minds. Besides that, addicts are ashamed of their addiction (whatever it may be). The addiction hides in the darkness. It is not easy to expose it to light. It takes God for that. And how do you do homework on a prospective spouse? Hire a private detective?

Look, I agree that nobody should foolishly leap into marriage, but it's not possible to uncover everything that is hidden.

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NO KIDDING. Yeah, so I should have grilled him about porn use (he would have lied as he did for many years afterwards) and called his exes to confirm what he told me about his previous relationships? I married him trusting he was going to be faithful. THINGS CHANGE.

Tannic said:

watch them? literally it's really that simple. You'll learn quite a bit by just watching them.

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Well, it's nice for you that everyone in your life has been so comfortably predictable. The fact that it wasn't that way for me isn't my fault.

Ironic timing.....I just checked my "in-box" of my e-mail....this I what just came in:

David Wilkerson Today



THURSDAY, JANUARY 5, 2012



GOD IS A JEALOUS LOVER

by David Wilkerson

[May 19, 1931 - April 27, 2011]



“For the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14).



Yes, it is possible for us to provoke Him to jealousy: “Do we provoke the

Lord to jealousy?” (1 Corinthians 10:22). Paul is asking: “You have

testified that you love Him. You’ve even taken His name. Yet, has someone or

something else stolen your heart?”



You can say you love Jesus; you can go to church every time the doors are open.

But do you seek Him when your time is your own?

How many books, magazines and newspapers do you devour? How much TV and radio

gets your attention—and yet you never give a thought to spending time with

Christ?



Preachers search their Bibles for sermons. Sunday school teachers study it for

lessons. But why do we not turn to it for recreational reading, to be refreshed

by our Lord? Why don’t we open it to learn of Him, to love Him?



The Bible is Jesus—God’s own Word! It is the full revelation of His heart;

everything about Him is unmasked there. I would think that if you truly love

Him, if you expect to spend eternity as His bride, then you would want to learn

everything possible about Him!



Our Lord yearns after us, wanting our time and attention. Yet He sees us

spending all our time on other people and other things and that makes Him

jealous! The day is coming when His jealousy will “burn” against those who

turn to vain idols (Deuteronomy 29:20). It will burst into flames of judgment!



Beloved, when that day comes, I know you want Jesus to take your hand and

whisper, “At last we’re together! You have desired Me so. You have given Me

the best of your life, your time, your attention. Come, now—let us be one!”



How will you stand before Him on that day? Everything of this world is going to

burn. But what about your intimacy with Him? Will you be able to stand before

Him knowing you shut out the world and cried out that you wanted to know Him?

**Even God has conditions on His relationships.

dreamer1982 said:

Well, it's nice for you that everyone in your life has been so comfortably predictable. The fact that it wasn't that way for me isn't my fault.

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Keep dreaming ok ...

I Art Laughing said:

Did you write your own marriage vows?

The traditional ones have the women saying "honor and obey". Wives should expect to be no less than 100% obedient to there spouses.

If a wife withholds sex from her husband (is disobedient) she knows based on the Scripture that Satan will tempt them because of it. The man is responsible for overcoming that temptation, what expectation should the wife have that he will? She is not doing her part, she is in disobedience. Isn't she exposing her husband to temptation?

What we have today isn't removing temptation through obedience and mutual submission but through emotional blackmail and the threat of divorce (which is failing). Men sinfully turning to pornography to medicate the power issue wherein they must submit but she might not (along with others). It's not a Godly solution, it stems from a lack of gratitude and thankfulness towards the wife that God has given us. It ends in Romans 1 and that is not a pretty picture.

Who want's to go there? Hopefully neither spouse, they both have a part to play. BOTH of them.

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If/when we renew our vows, we are NOT doing the traditional vows under which we got married. I don't believe in some of them anymore, nor does my h.

Anyways, you seem to be under the impression that men who are sexually tempted/unfaithful are that way because their wives were disobedient. Let me just say, being a freak in the sheets kinda wife does NOT guarantee you that your husband will not still be tempted by the world around him...for sex addicts in particular....it's NEVER enough.

I don't think you are very educated on sex addiction TBH. I think you're making a lot of assumptions based on your personal beliefs. My h didn't engage in his addiction to medicate a power struggle between myself and him. His addiction started in childhood and grew over the years as it was untreated. I do not feel responsible one bit for it, just as it would not be HIS fault if I went out and cheated on him tonight.,.and just as he is not responsible for whatever issues I've struggle with for much of my life. We each have our own free will.