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phoebe573

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hi

i don't know if this is the right place to post this or not. i just wanted to share what i've been through and how i ended up here. if that's ok? i'm not a complete newbie but i'm back again, if that makes sense? i always was confused about religion but i always felt that there was a higher power, a god but i could never explain to myself of how to reach out to him, or how to do it the right way, with the right people, the right places etc etc. questions over questions. my family is kind of interesting - (so confusing that i don't even know where i stand but i do believe -i'm still weak- but getting stronger every day). my mother is protestant, my father catholic, my brother christian (non-d), my aunt, grandpa, grandma are baptists, my uncle and his family are jehovah witnesses. where do i belong? and i must add - my family does not get along that well because of all the religions present. i believe that there is one god (many religions) but in the end, we all believe in the same god. is that valid? i believe so. we don't have a place to judge and it drives me insane when my family does that. i never really got any 'guidance' from my family members, they never took me to church or gave me a bible that i could actually read and understand being a child/teen.

i had a time while i was going through my teenage yrs not wanting to believe in god, i always felt his presence and that i 'know' better ...every time i did something 'wrong' (sinful). then i had a boyfriend who was (at least seemed to be) very religious. his family actually is. i say that because he would judge me day in and day out about how i need to be saved right now or i will go to hell, and everytime i'd ask him how do you know? is it your place to judge? he would get furious and start yelling - saying things like, it's his place to be... (laughter in my head *sorry* --yeah right). i tried being with him and his church, but then even his church split apart accusing each other of having stolen money... hello? where's the peace in all of this? the friendship, the love? anywhere? no where! my then bf kept saying how great god and his new church are and that everyone outside of their tiny church of 20 people would be going to hell... excuse me, who is he to know that? he's got no place to judge! i'm not judging him, or am i? all i'm saying is he shouldn't judge. the rest is up to god. we broke up (whoohoo) after that i sometimes would read the bible by myself or watch a religious show on television (i have enough of these churches around me, all they do is fight internally - i'm exhausted, i got bpIId, major depression, anxiety and panic disorder, avoidant personality disorder and ocd,... i don't need to add on more stress.) that's one reason i googled christian communities online and ended up here. i feel this is a great place. back to where i was... *srry* i would read and watch the occasional show but never really got into it or practiced the discipline to keep on going. but now again, just like all this time, i feel as if there is someone with me, watching over me, telling me it is ok and not to be afraid. (it just won't leave me alone, [if you can't beat it, join it ;-)]i'm trying not to be afraid/scared, it may be easier for me without all of my conditions (i will no longer use them as an excuse) but i can do this. i will worship god, i will pray, i can overcome all of my fears -- no matter how big they are.

but here comes my actual question:

my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years, we will eventually get married. he grew up being a jehovah witness but left that 'church' when he was 16. he has no interest left in religion currently because of what that church has done to him [i will keep it at that, i don't want to insult anybody, please don't feel offended - he just had a very VERY bad experience]. i'm praying for him, he will find his way... i know that. but is it ok to marry somebody who isn't spiritually 'there yet'. you know what i mean? i love him, we are soulmates... there is no doubt. can anybody put a bit of input on this? what do you think? what does the bible say? i'm even more confused when it comes to us having kids because i won't go to a specific church... every church i've ever been to has fallen apart... nothing but lies and betrayal... it's like being back in history... sometimes i wonder if i'm in a movie... and where the (happy?) - ending is.

sorry for taking up this much space, i just wanted to get this of my chest. thank you so much for reading.

 

heymikey80

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Here or the Christian Struggles forum ... they're right where you belong. And welcome!
I can relate. Toxic faith can really push people away from the real God. I think that's part of the strategy of Evil -- to get to people otherwise attracted to Christ, to turn away in disgust from the One Who can save them.

People have this odd feeling that their faith makes them superior. It doesn't. It just readies the harness for their rescue from the evil in this world.

It's critically important that you track down a church that realizes self-consciously, they don't hold some kind of superiority over you. This stuff will continue. I remember in one church, on every new member the pastor said, "I know you will be offended by some in this congregation. I want you to know up front, we all know we are sinners ourselves, and we ask for your forgiveness, and pray that you will work for our unity with you despite our own sinfulness. And we make this same commitment with you."

It's tough to find a church like this. It's just necessary, for all you've been through. If it takes a more liberal church to do it, find that. You never know where such an intensely interpersonal church might show up. But you and yours both need it. A slightly more liberal Presbyterian church might be good (my home EPC denomination might be a good fit), or an Episcopal or Anglican church might work.

I'm unsure what state your b/f is in, so I can't say much to that. However, this PDF -- "The Centrality of the Gospel" -- might give you some bearings on how it might be understood. The "Applications" section seemed to me to be significant to your description, and so I can only suggest you try reading the article and see if you can get something out of it.

If you feel like your faith is constantly fighting questions, CS Lewis' "Mere Christianity" is still a good description what's going on in Christianity.
 
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iannassah

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Hi phoebe573 ,
i guess i'll try to get to the point---it seems like you feel very confidently that this is the guy that God created you to be with...and that you love God (Jesus). Make that clear to your guy, let him know where you stand...you love this man with all of your heart but Jesus is 1st in your life, and see what happens!
Now about church....it is made up of sinners, what do you expect? i'm a Christian and i'm so far from "perfect"--- what's "perfect" ? or, rather "who" is "perfect"? Jesus!!! He does give us a life handbook called The Bible, if we would follow it then there wouldn't be churches or members of churches getting offended. People try to do things their own way and not the way God meant--"love your neighbor as your self"
I really got into God's Word after He came into my puny, speck of a dust, wouldn't show up as a speck of a speck of a speck on a speck of dust on a microscope life!!! I learned that The Bible (The New Testament) was originally written in Greek, and i started to look at some words or phrases (that just didn't make sense to me) in the original Greek and The Bible started to open up in a whole new way!!! God is awsome to make it so that it was written in Greek because the english language isn't as deep as the Greek language...(in my opinion)...yeah, english get's the idea across but there's so much more!!! For instance, i learned that the word "church" in Greek doesn't refer to a building!!! That was a mind blower for me!!! "church" in Greek means "a body of believers"!!!
God wants you to have a personal relationship with Him by praying, which you are doing---WONDERFUL!!! Even Jesus said that where 2 or more are gathered in His name that He is in the midst of them---it's fellowship with The Father & His Holy Spirit working through one another----So, it might just be you and one other believer!!! I find that the best thing is to pray (which it sounds like you're doing), read your Bible, you'll learn so much about God, His amazing character, what He is really like and everytime you read He will bless you with new understanding or teach you about something you are going through or give you an encouraging word that someone might need---it might be you that needs it!!! i could go on and on and on!!! God's Word is so amazing---He's waiting to blow your socks off Phoebe!!! I promise that you will not be disappointed!!! It won't be easy, but there is no one on earth or heaven like Him!!! That love, peace and assurance that you've always longed for in your heart only He can and will provide....keep seeking!!!
...God meant for us (Christians) to help each other out when we get "broken" or are having a tough time! Also, we need to keep each other in check! We need each other! However, pray about going to church and go where you know that The Lord is drawing you!!! Only He knows what is best for you, and He only wants what is best for you and i wish you the best Phoebe!!!
P.S. if you get interested in learning some Greek words try a Strong's dictionary/concordance
 
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