We had church this morning. We held a vote some of the church wants the 2 services to become 1 and some of the church wants to keep 2 services. There is a lot of bitterness, angry, and other horrible emotions going on in the church right now. The church is in desperate needs of prayer and of healing. A good deal of the anger is aimed at the pastor who has told people they need to leave. He told my brother's they weren't welcome - he never went that far with me I think he knows I would have been very vocal and I would not have listened. He has blamed problems on others and ran off some of the most wonderful, loving, Christian Christians I know at the church. We are thinking about leaving but I can't just let this church die. I am going to fight for it. I am going to do my best to help it get back on its feet. I am thinking about organizing a prayer vigil for the church. That is what we need prayer. And maybe a new pastor. *sigh* Some people like Hugh so many more can't stand him.
As for the class I was supposed to teach I had to people interested and then I got to talk with one of the youth leaders. It looks like I might be teaching a class on Methodism to the youth group if it comes together like I hope and plan then it will be a 4 week class that will give them an idea of what they are pledging to believe. I will have to do my reasearch. I guess I never really thought about it but I do know that what I know I agree with. This is where my conservative bone is - religion and a good deal of Methodist are conservative.
Anyway moving right along. I know that a good deal of my grumpiness is my own fault. I am after all in charge of my emotions. But I also know and think that the devil looks for chances when we are down to take a hold of us and push on us and make things harder for us. He sees the weakness and he uses it to start whispering in your ear - they don't care about you Amanda. They are using you Amanda. It is just like you think Amanda. Amanda they really think you are fat and they don't love you they are laughing behind your back talking about how you think you are so loveable.
Those thoughts are so untrue and they start to grow and to fester and the evil one gets a hold on your life, your mind and your heart. It is so easy to get sucked into that. To get sucked into the the idea of not being worth anything. That you are worthless.
If for no other reason I know all of this to be untrue because of John 3:16 and so many other verses. God loves me. And even if no one else does I have the love of the most powerful being ever. He will bring me greater joy than any earthly thing ever could. I have to focus on that and my faith.
Right now I am focusing on three things - my God, my self, and my husband. My God gives me the strength to get things done. To face my fears. Overcome my faults, insecurities, wrong desires, sadness, loneliness and anything else I may face. I have to keep growing into myself, out of myself, and beyond myself. In my faith. In my self believes. I have to be sure and secure in myself. And finally my husband. We have been ill at ease lately. Not because we don't love each other but because we are still trying to figure out where things stand with each other, how we will leave, and the like. I have to focus on these three things because those three things are the most important aspects of my life. I know it sounds selfish putting myself before my husband but if I can't be happy with myself how am I supposed to be happy with my husband? How am I supposed to help keep my husband happy?
Anyway those are my thoughts. I really honestly have to give over to Christ all my burdens. Last night I told the devil to take a trip that he has not hold over me to get out of my heart, mind, and soul. He listened. I feel a lot better today but now I have to get over the Amanda aspect of being upset and once again I have to give that over to the Father and all thigns shall be fine.