Talking Dirty

The Princess Bride · Jul 28, 2007

Briseis said:
I am refering to the talk itself, not what it leads to. Please, dont imply I am weak. Almost everything comes back to temptation in this conversations. That is not what I asked about.

I dont think anyone was implying you are weak.

Briseis · Jul 28, 2007

Well temptation really isnt an issue for me. I have been with my bf for 4.5 years, and I even have my own apartment where we hang out all the time and we have never even come close making a mistake. I dont need advice on avoiding temptation. And almost every conversation among other couples comes back to it, I just felt like finally saying enough.

Bunnymedic · Jul 28, 2007

Macrina said:
If I were in your position, I think the best thing for me to do -- rather than looking for a reason why it's okay -- would be ask myself why I am doing this. Does it bring me closer to God, or farther away? Does it build up my bf as a growing disciple? Does it honor the Lord and his plans for the relationship? What do I get out of this, and what is the potential to lose?

.

I agree.Its hard to keep your thoughts pure and grow closer to God when you are busy talking dirty to your SO.What good is it going to do? All you are going to do is get each other all worked up for nothing...

Monaleezza said:
So how do you know if she'll get down and dirty AFTER marriage? Or do you think you won't need it then after?

I'd want to know that my partner was kinky and that I won't be shocked after marriage when kinky simply doesn't kick in.

Yeah,I would want to know that they were going to be wanting to get down and dirty,but you dont have to talk about it all the time to get the picture.You can figure that stuff out without carrying on about your desires with each other everytime you get together.
My fiance has a little bit of difficulty holding it in,and I'll admit it makes me a little uncomfortable.

Macrina · Jul 28, 2007

Yeah, I gotta agree with those who say that you don't need to push the envelope in order to determine whether or not "that" kind of chemistry is there. I think you can pick up whether or not there's that kind of attraction/connection without acting on it in any inappropriate way. And as for anything specific that should be clarified -- I think the best way to approach that is through candid and mature conversation at the stage when a couple is contemplating marriage. Like Bunnymedic said, there are some things which are important to discuss, but they don't necessitate carrying on about it. Nor is "dirty talk" required to determine physical chemistry.

AMOG · Jul 29, 2007

I have to be honest here. For a couple with serious intent to marry, I don't see too much wrong with a little dirty talk now and again.

Sex in marrage is a God given gift. It is something to look forward to and something to revel in when you are married. Building up the anticipation, as you seem to be doing, doesn't seem to me to debase this in any way.

I know a ton of people will disagree with me on this. But that's the way I see it.

AMOG

Keri · Jul 30, 2007

Yes I've done it. Talking about it is fun. I don't see anything wrong with it. Though like IP said, my boundries are a bit different than some on this board. It should be a decision that every couple makes.

Briseis · Jul 30, 2007

Well, we dont talk about it constantly, and we dont get into gross detail.

makakoa · Aug 8, 2007

OK

This is a good one, here is the real question? I have a girlfriend and I love her very much, we are going to get married, but if I didn't lust after her than I wouldn't want her. People seem to think attraction and lust are different? If they were then you would say wow she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, but I would never kiss her, or date her? Lust is something that can steer you in a wrong direction and should not consume you but if you don't have some type of lust for your partner than run away and find someone who you desire! I don't endorse lust, as a habit but it s a human emotion and we all have it whether you admit it or not. Sex is something you will enjoy as modest or raunchy as you want when you are married, so wait. Lust happens.......Get over it.

Oh and I have talked dirty to my GF and it helps and is a struggle? Follow what you're convictions tell you because my convictions will not help you.

Leviticus

charligirl · Aug 8, 2007

Briseis said:
I dont think that everything in life can honor God, although I do think we shouldnt do anything to dishonor him.

This seems like a contradiction to me, because everything you do either honours or dishonours God. There isn't a no-mans land in the middle that does neither.

Even every day actions such as housework or going to school can be done in a way that either honours God or dishonours Him, depending on your heart, thoughts, attitude etc. The bible says in 1 Cor 10 that we should not judge another man's conscience, but whatever we do we should do for the glory of God.

It's not for anyone here to judge whether what you are doing is right or wrong, as long as when you talk dirty you are doing it for the Glory of God then it's fine.

Briseis · Aug 8, 2007

charligirl said:
as long as when you talk dirty you are doing it for the Glory of God then it's fine.

I dont think thats possible.

Wandering Cat Lady · Aug 8, 2007

Ok...

I don't find anything wrong with it...as long as it does not drive you to temptation and lusting which is sin and makes you discontent.

Personally...it would be hard for my fiance and I to pass the time if we did not "talk dirty" once in a while. We are excited about being able to be intimate like that and be with eachother. We haven't even come close to doing anything wrong nor do we even think about it. We are anticipating the day that we can do it and talking about it has opened up a LOT of issues that most couples don't cover before marriage.

It's fun too. It's fun to learn about what his responses are about certain things said...say if I mention something, like oral for instance...I pay attention to how he responds. If he responds positively I know it's something he would like us to try. He doesn't usually talk like that to me but he'll be very open about it. Like last night, I was cutting his hair. And I heard him go "mmmmm" and I said "What are you thinking sweetie?" And he was like "I am admiring you...your beautiful hair, your eyes, your smile...your beautiful body" He is allowed to be attracted to me because DUH, he's marrying me. It makes me feel loved and secure about our first time together because he says these things.

I think it differs between couples. Some have trouble with keeping inside the boundaries. I don't understand this as my fiance and I have not had a lot of trouble with that. But sooo many people go too far and then feel horrible afterwards. If you know you're sensitive and easily tempted, and talking dirty arouses you, then I would say that you need to double check everything. If you can do it "cleanly" and without going over the line, then I would say it's ok because it's only natural AND right to be attracted to eachother AND it's good to learn about the other. If I had not talked the way I talk to him, he would not know how much I am anticipating the first night and how wild I wanna be later, ya know?

charligirl · Aug 8, 2007

Briseis said:
I dont think thats possible.

Then perhaps it's time to pray and rethink.

FearAintFaith · Aug 8, 2007

My fiancé and I were like that. We started with talking in that manor over the phone. Then we started speaking to each other like that in person. Over the course of time the words became actions. We have now made many mistakes. One of which was moving in together. If you would have known us several years ago you would never have thought we would end up in the predicament we are in now. In the beginning it was just fun and exciting, but if I knew then what I know now I would have kept our thought life pure. That time could have been used praying together or reading the word.

I just wanted to share my experience. I hope it helps.

Briseis · Aug 8, 2007

FearAintFaith said:
My fiancé and I were like that. We started with talking in that manor over the phone. Then we started speaking to each other like that in person. Over the course of time the words became actions. We have now made many mistakes. One of which was moving in together. If you would have known us several years ago you would never have thought we would end up in the predicament we are in now. In the beginning it was just fun and exciting, but if I knew then what I know now I would have kept our thought life pure. That time could have been used praying together or reading the word.

I just wanted to share my experience. I hope it helps.

Thanx, but thats not gonna happen.

charligirl · Aug 9, 2007

I don't think any of us should think we are beyond reproach, it's a very dangerous position to be in.

There are countless christians, some very high profile and some just everyday ordinary people who were as sure as you are. I know many personally and have read about others, all of whom said they were so strong and it would never happen to them... they all fell, be it drink, adultery, sex before marriage, porn or whatever they were so sure about.

The bible is very serious about our thought life and the words we speak, and for good reason, it is our thoughts and words that sow the seeds for our actions. The Word tells us to have the mind of Christ, to flee from the appearance of evil and to keep our minds on what is pure. the very fact it's called talking 'dirty' should tell you something.

The bible clearly warns us about being careful about what we say as our words will lead us to sin.

Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 17:20b he who has a perverse tongue falls into evil. Proverbs 21:23 Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles.

You may indeed marry before you fall into temptation of the physical kind, but why would you want to dishonour God and ignore what the bible says? You say you have been together without falling for 4 years, for how much of that time have you been talking 'dirty'?

The argument that says how 'healthy' it is to discuss such things before marriage is a cop out. In the final weeks leading up to marriage there are plently of courses, books, videos on the subject that you can watch /read/discuss together prayerfully if you want to get to know what the other might like. If both are virgins how would they know anyway? Much better to learn on the job! and more fun and less frustrating

I think you need to look at your heart, and ask the question why you are doing it then go to Jesus and ask Him what He thinks of it. If after that you believe it is honouring and Glorifying to Him and He is ok with it then carry on. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be doing it.

Briseis · Aug 9, 2007

You can tell me for lots of other reasons that it is not a good idea and I will listen, but I dont care how many other ppl failed, its not gonna happen. And I guess its hard to tell me if its ok to talk like that if you dont know what I mean. Well, I dont really wanna describe our convos to you, that would be weird, so never mind any of this please, its really not helping.

texformer · Aug 9, 2007

Briseis said:
Sometimes it starts as a joke, or just saying I really miss him over the phone and wish I could hug him, then we end up talking about other things that we would like to do that we would actually never do, not till we're married anyway. Almost every MSN or phone conversation ends up this way, and its really not a good idea. All it does is give us lustful thoughts, but at the same time its very exciting to think of one day. Do any of you catch yourselves doing this sometimes?

But if you're verbalizing it , that's even a step further than just lusting in the mind. JESUS said that if you lust you've already commited adultery. And yall have spoken it out loud.

We're all weak in the flesh, but if you're not able to control this I'd say take a break from one another.

You menion MSN? If yall are dating why do yall have to MSN? Aren't yall in the same area?

If it's long distance then I'd say to just end it.

Briseis · Aug 9, 2007

texformer said:
But if you're verbalizing it , that's even a step further than just lusting in the mind. JESUS said that if you lust you've already commited adultery. And yall have spoken it out loud.

We're all weak in the flesh, but if you're not able to control this I'd say take a break from one another.

You menion MSN? If yall are dating why do yall have to MSN? Aren't yall in the same area?

If it's long distance then I'd say to just end it.

I dont think that verse means what most ppl take it to mean. Everyone thinks about it once in awhile, that doesnt mean we would all do it. I think that verse is referring to the ppl who think about it and would do it if it werent for something thats holding them back besides their values. For example, if a man knows a woman and would sleep with her if given the chance, but she is not interested, than I think he commit adultery in his heart. But if a man thinks how great it would be to be with the woman he loves and looks forward to it, but would never disgrace her or God by doing it before they were married, than he hasnt commit adultery in his heart.

We arent going to take a break because we look forward to being married. And we talk on MSN sometimes because although we live in the same town, we dont live together or next door to each other. We arent together 24/7.

Maybe the word 'dirty' is the problem. Its misleading.

charligirl · Aug 9, 2007

Briseis said:
You can tell me for lots of other reasons that it is not a good idea and I will listen, .

1. We are to glorify God in all things
2. We are to have the mind of Christ
3. We are to meditate on whatever is pure
4. The bible admonishes us to have a pure tongue and to put a guard at our mouth
5. You said it leads to lustful thoughts
6. You are talking about stuff you have no right to until you are married the bible tells us not to awaken love until the right time.

I actually think the temptation one is way down the list. The scriptures I posted actually say that it can break a person's spirit and put their soul in trouble, that's not neccessarily in the area of physical sexual sin - it can cause other parts of your walk and relationship with God to suffer.

I wasn't trying to suggest that you would slip up there neccessarily, I don't even know you. But rather to show that the bible has something to say in that area - and as it's God's word it's worth listening to whether you are strong in that area or not.

All I can say is take it to God in prayer and make up your own mind, because at the moment you admit it's not a good idea.

Monaleezza · Aug 11, 2007

You don't need to change what you call it.

Talking dirty is still called talking dirty within a sanctified and blessed marriage. Why would it be anything else prior to that?!

The question is not what to call it, but if it's acceptable to God.

I guess my boyfriend and I jest about how much fun we'll have when we marry. It lets me know he has some sexual desire for me. These conversations aren't coupled with closing eyes, visualising the act and masturbation, or anything of the sort.

It's simply a, "I can't wait until we're married and I don't have to stop, instead I can..."

I don't think it's wrong.

If you're putting a downpayment on a car are you never allowed to say, "I can't wait to be on the open road with my Mustang" until you've made that last payment? Is that coveting otherwise?

I think lusting is about someone you don't have a relationship with, someone else's wife, someone other than your own husband etc. not about verbalising your desire for the person you're in love with.
That's what I think.

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