- Jul 1, 2008
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Obviously satire (mainly)
U.S.—A new study has shown what coffee-drinkers have long known to be true: a lack of coffee directly increases the sinfulness of your thoughts, attitudes, emotions, and desires.
For instance, you're much more likely to want to punch somebody in the face before you've had that sweet, sweet nectar from heaven," said lead researcher Dr. Bob Anthony Anderson. "As you consume more and more coffee, the chances that you'll flip somebody off, snap at your kids, or tell someone you wish they were dead decreases dramatically."
According to researchers, once you've had about two gallons of coffee for the day, you approach near-perfect levels of sanctification, nearing the righteousness of Tim Tebow, Kirk Cameron, and John Piper. Before you start drinking coffee, you're pretty much Satan incarnate.
Rest of article here for Babylon Bee
U.S.—A new study has shown what coffee-drinkers have long known to be true: a lack of coffee directly increases the sinfulness of your thoughts, attitudes, emotions, and desires.
For instance, you're much more likely to want to punch somebody in the face before you've had that sweet, sweet nectar from heaven," said lead researcher Dr. Bob Anthony Anderson. "As you consume more and more coffee, the chances that you'll flip somebody off, snap at your kids, or tell someone you wish they were dead decreases dramatically."
According to researchers, once you've had about two gallons of coffee for the day, you approach near-perfect levels of sanctification, nearing the righteousness of Tim Tebow, Kirk Cameron, and John Piper. Before you start drinking coffee, you're pretty much Satan incarnate.
Rest of article here for Babylon Bee