Still Struggling

RyanB92 said:

Hi guys

A short while ago, very much out of the blue I began feeling an urge to explore Christianity and try to connect with Jesus. I made an account here, and explored some other Christian websites trying to learn as much as I could. I also began to read the bible. I am someone who has never had faith in God, but I felt a strong desire to find the faith that brings so many other people such comfort and strength. I prayed to God that if he is real, please help me to find the faith to believe in him. This gave me a sense of hope that He might make himself known to me.

People told me that faith would come from reading the bible, and from prayer. But I could not stop the logical part of my brain from arguing with everything I read. There was such a firm part of me that refused to believe, no matter how hard I tried. After a short time the sense of hope and beginnings of faith began to fade. And I felt myself slide back into my old habits and lifestyles and away from this new interest in Jesus.

Now I am feeling the need to turn back and try again. But I am hesitant because praying for faith was something that was very difficult for me the last time. And I felt foolish for believing when nothing came from it. Now I am feeling what's the point to try again, what could possible be different this time?

I do not have any friends who are followers of Christ, and it was recommended that I find a church or bible study to go to, but my severe social anxiety makes that extremely difficult so I dont really have anywhere to turn for this other than here. When I first found this site, people were so warm and welcoming so I hope that I can get some support and advice here now

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Principium said:

I visited a church once by myself and I sat there until it was over, people seemed to like me being there but I think they understood I don`t believe so they sort of wanted me to leave in the end I think

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PeachyKeane said:

Were you standing up during the service saying "That's total malarky!" or explaining how "Jesus wasn't even real, guys" or something like that? If not, there's a very good chance they wanted you there.

Reaching out to visitors is hard. You don't want to scare them off by being overbearing, but you don't want to be so aloof that it seems like you don't care. The line between is hard to find sometimes. If that's your only reason for not going back, it might be worth trying again.

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Principium said:

Yes, but I think those believers sort of make a club out of believing also, I wouldn`t fit in by just being agnostic

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PeachyKeane said:

I really want to disagree with you here because I would want to reach out to the agnostic if they arrived at my church because once upon a time that was me. I was an atheist, and I still feel more at home among non-believers.

On the other hand, I know there is some truth to what you say. I don't fit in at my church for various reasons, and I didn't really fit in at my last church either. I understand what you're saying.

Just know that there's always a chance that there may be someone there like me who would feels out of place as well but who might have had the spiritual experiences you may be looking for.

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Principium said:

Thanks for the kind words hehe, I can try going again and try to ignore others a little, I always liked the church so

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PeachyKeane said:

You can always speak to the pastor. He may point you toward the right people.

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