Some Christian Relationship advice needed please?

I am quite worried, as I don’t know what to think. I really need some relationship advice. Whenever I get worried or stressed about something in life, which does happen at times with human beings. I really would like my girlfriend to be supportive and helpful in times like this for me. However, her reaction is one of rolling her eyes, getting mad at me, getting frustrated with me etc. I told her this is hurtful to me but she just said she gets like that whenever its me or her father or someone she looks up to, but doesn't get like that when its someone she sees as weaker than her or needing help. But for me, there are times in life that I do feel stressed I am afraid and I feel I would like my girlfriend to be helpful to me in those times or kind, rather than getting mad at me when I am under stress. What are peoples thoughts on this situation?

First, this seems more or less like a thread you should post in Courting Couples.

Second, my thought is that it sounds to me like you're not really well suited to each other. If she can only get mad at you in times of stress, your relationship will only deteriorate over time. You've communicated to her that her actions are hurtful and her response is basically "I won't change it" because all she did was tell you the circumstances under which it happens.

I'd personally rather hold out in life for someone who could be genuinely supportive. If this were a marriage, I'd suggest a lot of things.. but you're just dating this girl. There's no reason to force relationships to work when you haven't hit the altar yet. Dating is all about determining compatibility -- if the compatibility isn't there with important matters, you should move on.

Some Christian Relationship advice needed please?

I am quite worried, as I don’t know what to think. I really need some relationship advice. Whenever I get worried or stressed about something in life, which does happen at times with human beings. I really would like my girlfriend to be supportive and helpful in times like this for me. However, her reaction is one of rolling her eyes, getting mad at me, getting frustrated with me etc. I told her this is hurtful to me but she just said she gets like that whenever its me or her father or someone she looks up to, but doesn't get like that when its someone she sees as weaker than her or needing help. But for me, there are times in life that I do feel stressed I am afraid and I feel I would like my girlfriend to be helpful to me in those times or kind, rather than getting mad at me when I am under stress. What are peoples thoughts on this situation?

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My thoughts are that your girlfriend is not strong enough to accept the reality that the strong men in her life have weak moments. Your girlfriend is expecting too much from you and is probably depending on you for most of her strength.

It is flattering when those women look to us men for strength but you have to be real about the expectations.

Moses was a strong man but he had weaknesses. Moses in his weakness tried to get out of doing what God asked him to do. God got fed up and was going to kill Moses but Moses’ strong wife Zipporah stepped up to the plate and saved Moses life by doing what God had told Moses to do. See Exodus chapter 4.

If Moses is going to be weak at times you and all other man are going to be weak at times. In reality a man is going to need his wife to hold him up when he gets weak. God knew that man would have weak moments and that is one reason that he made woman (Genesis 4:18).
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” NIV
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Conversely, (in Acts 5) Sapphira did not take a strong stance when her husband Ananias planned to lie to the Holy Spirit. Because Ananaias and Sapphira were both weak and lied they were killed by God on the spot. If Sapphira would have been a strong woman like Zipporah then she would have saved her hush band&#8217;s life.

It is very important that the wife be able to step in when we men get weak. That is what God wanted and you can see by the two Bible stories how important your wife can be.

My thoughts are that you should make sure that your girlfriend is not expecting too much from you and that she needs to get the wisdom and strength that Zipporah had. God admires a woman that is strong enough to help her husband when he gets weak. In Zipporah&#8217;s situation God so admired Zipporah&#8217;s actions that he changed His mind and did not kill Moses.

IMO you will not have a good chance at a good marriage if your wife will not help you when you are down or have weaknesses. It is especially harmful when the wife fails to support her husband, gets mad at her husband, and mocks him. This is a very important point and I hope you take it seriously.

I would never marry any woman that would fail to support me, get mad and mock me when I am weak and need her the most.

Letting a spouse know that you are stressed is fine, but if you try to get sympathy for it, or seem as if you are whining then that is a turn off to a lot of women.

A lot of this depends on how you present yourself. If she asks you what is wrong, and you tell her plainly, and she rolls her eyes, then I think she is wrong and that's a bad behavior.

If however, you come to her with your problems constantly and whine to her and she rolls her eyes, I think her reaction would be normal, and expected, if it was a situation like that.

I can understand how a woman would roll her eyes when a man she looks up constantly vents his problems and frustrations on her.

I would agree with Pup - the two of you don't sound ready to be married... and it could be that you are not well suited. Your girlfriend doesn't seem to understand what it means to be a support to her husband (man), and you don't seem to understand the role and place a husband is to take in leading the relationship with strength (don't hear me saying "perfection" - just strength). I think the two of you need more preparation for a relationship than you seem to have. It may be hard to hear, but you should probably break off the relationship until you are both a bit more mature and ready for the commitment of a life-long relationship.

(staff edit)

Hmm still seem to have the same problem. The thing is in life there are good things and also troubles too right, Jesus said we would have trouble in this world. So when I talk with my girlfriend I talk to her about everything, totally open. So I will talk to her about nice things that happened during the day and also sometimes about something which is a trouble, ie I went to buy something and got it home and it was broken so had to go and take it back etc etc.... and she will say things like "ahhh you always stress me out!!! why do these things happen to you!!!" and she get annoyed and agitated??? So I just now only ever talk about anything which is "happy" with her and leave out anything which was I guess what you would call a "trouble". But that can not be right is it?

I am trying to figure out what is going on here? Is this normal? I mean most of the time we talk about nice things, I dont talk to her all the time about troubles haha...just talk to her about my day including all the good things and sometimes when there was a trouble too, I dont miss anything out, but now I am thinking for instance I will say "yes did the shopping, got some great deals today, spoke to a friend I hadnt seen in ages, the tumble dryer broke though and had to call someone out but they didnt turn up!!" Well if I was to say that she would get stressed out and accuse me of stressing her out, even though we dont even live together and its not her tumble dryer lol...and she will say things like "why you!! strange things like that happen to you!" and she will be annoyed??? Im like "OK then I will just from now on only mention the good things!!"

What is going on here? does anyone know??

When she tell me about something that happened to her that wasnt good I dont take on her stress I listen to her and try to cheer her up, but when I mentioned that to her she just said "Yeahh you enjoy hearing that" Im like no I dont enjoy hearing when you have had a bad day I just try to cheer you up and make you smile or just listen to you???

My advice would be that the purpose of dating is to interview people and find someone that can support you as you wish to be supported, while simultaneously you're supporting them as they wish to be supported. In other words - a mutually beneficial and happy partnership.

If that's not what you have - time to interview someone else.

mylordandsavoiur said:

I am quite worried, as I don’t know what to think. I really need some relationship advice. Whenever I get worried or stressed about something in life, which does happen at times with human beings. I really would like my girlfriend to be supportive and helpful in times like this for me. However, her reaction is one of rolling her eyes, getting mad at me, getting frustrated with me etc. I told her this is hurtful to me but she just said she gets like that whenever its me or her father or someone she looks up to, but doesn't get like that when its someone she sees as weaker than her or needing help. But for me, there are times in life that I do feel stressed I am afraid and I feel I would like my girlfriend to be helpful to me in those times or kind, rather than getting mad at me when I am under stress. What are peoples thoughts on this situation?

Click to expand...

A couple of thoughts - are you worried and stressed a LOT? To the point where it is a few times a week that you are looking to your gf for help? Another thought - if it is rare, and she is mean to you whenever you are a bit sad or down, then she probably isn't the one for you. A last thought - if you are worried and stressed a lot, you might want to seek professional help. I'm not being flippant. It's important.

I was going to say it sounds like you might have an anxiety disorder. My wife has an anxiety disorder and your symptoms sound a bit like hers.