S
secretsister16
Guest
In order for you to understand my situation, I'd like to share how I got here. The middle part in my faith story, and it has so much to do with where I'm at now. I understand it's long, so I made this forum to where you DONT have to read it to understand totally, but if you read it, I think it'll give you a deeper connection to me. Thank you in advance!
I started smoking weed my freshman year, after coming out of a deep dark period of depression, cutting, and suicidal tendencies. During this year, the darkness of the past 2-3 years was finally coming to light. My sophomore year was also a year of substantial growth. I moved into a separate part of my high school called the Career Academies that aid in my pursuit of becoming a neonatal practitioner. This put me in classes with completely different people, mostly those who are focused on school, and who have nothing to do with partying or drugs. But, my habit of smoking everyday after school remained the same, and I felt my self inclined or partying due to the fact that I sat with "my friends" (who were involved with such activities) during lunch. I slowly started to realize that the next step I needed to take was to forgo my comfort zone, and eat somewhere else. I made the huge step of eating lunch alone in the library, and although it was hard to leave my friends behind, I was one step closer to a cleaner life style.
*NOT A NECESSARY READ FOR THE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS FOURM, BUT THIS IS MY REMARKABLE FAITH STORY *
My brother: Chris Erick 9/27/89-11/10/12
At the beginning of my sophomore year, the fact that my brothers life was coming to an end was very obvious to my mother and I (link to his story at bottom of page). This was also the same time I was starting to notice the substantial growth and wisdom I had gained from my years of that deep dark period. The certainty of these two things was remarkably concrete to me.
Though during my years of darkness, I exclaimed my disbelief in God, the reality that there really could be a God out there was starting to awaken me. When I made this exclamation for the first time, my brother was there. I remember the look in his eyes, when he said "baby...God is real". Back then, I didn't want to believe it, but deep deep down, I knew.
Back to November of 2012, one day, I walked outside, for the first real time to talk to god. I walked around my apartments and told him everything, mostly about my worry for my brother. When I was done, I was filled with an amazing peace and reassurance. When I got inside, I told my mom with certainty "Mommy, Buba is going to be okay!" This prayer brought me more satisfaction from anything I've ever experienced. About 2 days later, I was talking to my mom when it dawned on me.. I told her "Momma...Buba doesn't have to be alive to be okay.." She saw it in my eyes, she felt it too. She knew.
During this time, I was also trying to quit smoking weed. I threw my pipe in the trash. 2 days before my brother died, I was completely overwhelmed. My mother and I were already starting to grieve. As you can imagine, this was unbearable. I was angry and scared. I went to the kitchen and grabbed my pipe with tears and my eyes, and then I threw it back. By this time, I was hysterical. I cried out "God, please! Please!" I ran outside and I sat and cried, I felt so hopeless, but still I was calling out to god. I was staring out to the sky, when all of a sudden, this beautiful, bright light popped into the middle of the sky and slowly and silently moved to the right of the sky...before going behind a tree, the light shrunk to the size it entered the sky with before completely disappearing. This was the moment when I knew God Is Real! As soon as I grasped what just happened, I said "I wish for strength!" At this point I knew that everything I have experienced in life, no matter how hard, has made me who I am, and I wouldn't change that for anything! All I wanted was strength to deal with it. This day, I was saved.
2 days later, on November 10, 2012 (just 10 days before my 16th birthday), my mother and I got the call. I was able to withhold my tears, and stay strong for her, because I know that's what she needed. I was also able to keep the family around us calm. Here I'm not bragging about my own strength. I'm bragging about the AMAZING lord we have and the amazing things that he can do!
***TOP PART CONTINUED***
*if you didn't read the story, know that I threw out my pipe, and during a difficult circumstance, I turned to God instead of going back for the pipe, and that's when I was saved.
Although this was the beginning of an intimate relationship with God, I wasn't able to keep the pipe in the trash. It's been a year and 6 months since I was saved, and due to my resistance to leave behind that nasty habit, my relationship with God started to become more and more distant. I need something, I'm not sure what, but something to make me quit. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't have that intimate relationship with god again until I leave this habit behind, but I can't find it within my self to do it without him. Help? I miss the relationship I once had with him. I feel so lost now.
My brothers story: ChrisErick ( dot com)
I started smoking weed my freshman year, after coming out of a deep dark period of depression, cutting, and suicidal tendencies. During this year, the darkness of the past 2-3 years was finally coming to light. My sophomore year was also a year of substantial growth. I moved into a separate part of my high school called the Career Academies that aid in my pursuit of becoming a neonatal practitioner. This put me in classes with completely different people, mostly those who are focused on school, and who have nothing to do with partying or drugs. But, my habit of smoking everyday after school remained the same, and I felt my self inclined or partying due to the fact that I sat with "my friends" (who were involved with such activities) during lunch. I slowly started to realize that the next step I needed to take was to forgo my comfort zone, and eat somewhere else. I made the huge step of eating lunch alone in the library, and although it was hard to leave my friends behind, I was one step closer to a cleaner life style.
*NOT A NECESSARY READ FOR THE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS FOURM, BUT THIS IS MY REMARKABLE FAITH STORY *
My brother: Chris Erick 9/27/89-11/10/12
At the beginning of my sophomore year, the fact that my brothers life was coming to an end was very obvious to my mother and I (link to his story at bottom of page). This was also the same time I was starting to notice the substantial growth and wisdom I had gained from my years of that deep dark period. The certainty of these two things was remarkably concrete to me.
Though during my years of darkness, I exclaimed my disbelief in God, the reality that there really could be a God out there was starting to awaken me. When I made this exclamation for the first time, my brother was there. I remember the look in his eyes, when he said "baby...God is real". Back then, I didn't want to believe it, but deep deep down, I knew.
Back to November of 2012, one day, I walked outside, for the first real time to talk to god. I walked around my apartments and told him everything, mostly about my worry for my brother. When I was done, I was filled with an amazing peace and reassurance. When I got inside, I told my mom with certainty "Mommy, Buba is going to be okay!" This prayer brought me more satisfaction from anything I've ever experienced. About 2 days later, I was talking to my mom when it dawned on me.. I told her "Momma...Buba doesn't have to be alive to be okay.." She saw it in my eyes, she felt it too. She knew.
During this time, I was also trying to quit smoking weed. I threw my pipe in the trash. 2 days before my brother died, I was completely overwhelmed. My mother and I were already starting to grieve. As you can imagine, this was unbearable. I was angry and scared. I went to the kitchen and grabbed my pipe with tears and my eyes, and then I threw it back. By this time, I was hysterical. I cried out "God, please! Please!" I ran outside and I sat and cried, I felt so hopeless, but still I was calling out to god. I was staring out to the sky, when all of a sudden, this beautiful, bright light popped into the middle of the sky and slowly and silently moved to the right of the sky...before going behind a tree, the light shrunk to the size it entered the sky with before completely disappearing. This was the moment when I knew God Is Real! As soon as I grasped what just happened, I said "I wish for strength!" At this point I knew that everything I have experienced in life, no matter how hard, has made me who I am, and I wouldn't change that for anything! All I wanted was strength to deal with it. This day, I was saved.
2 days later, on November 10, 2012 (just 10 days before my 16th birthday), my mother and I got the call. I was able to withhold my tears, and stay strong for her, because I know that's what she needed. I was also able to keep the family around us calm. Here I'm not bragging about my own strength. I'm bragging about the AMAZING lord we have and the amazing things that he can do!
***TOP PART CONTINUED***
*if you didn't read the story, know that I threw out my pipe, and during a difficult circumstance, I turned to God instead of going back for the pipe, and that's when I was saved.
Although this was the beginning of an intimate relationship with God, I wasn't able to keep the pipe in the trash. It's been a year and 6 months since I was saved, and due to my resistance to leave behind that nasty habit, my relationship with God started to become more and more distant. I need something, I'm not sure what, but something to make me quit. I don't know what to do. I feel like I can't have that intimate relationship with god again until I leave this habit behind, but I can't find it within my self to do it without him. Help? I miss the relationship I once had with him. I feel so lost now.
My brothers story: ChrisErick ( dot com)