Sleep without being held

GolfingMom · Sep 27, 2008

greenie said:
I used to nurse my son to sleep....and I will never...ever...do it again.. It took me YEARS to get him out of us needing to be with him when he fell asleep! It's only been this year that he's finally started going to sleep without needing one of us to be lying with him and he is 5!!!!!!!!!!

For me, it's about balance. If I'm out or whatever and I'm holding the baby (when I have the baby lol) and she falls asleep that's fine. But if I'm home I'm going to put her in her bed awake so she learns to fall asleep awake. I did it with my daughter and she is amazing, she will sleep anywhere with no trouble at all.

hisbloodformysins · Sep 27, 2008

llghoney said:
I was reading where it's good to get the baby use to not being held when going to sleep. Grace will fuss like all get out if she is not held til she is asleep. When reading the Baby Book it suggests not letting them cry it out. I'm a little confused.

when my baby was little I'd hold her or nurse her till she fell asleep then prop up a pillow or blanket next to her and inch away so she's still think she was snuggled up against me. If I put her in a bed after she was asleep, she'd usually wake up and cry again.

HB

hisbloodformysins · Sep 27, 2008

jgonz said:
This is a Huge area of controversy. CIO (crying it out) or not. What it boils down to is that YOU, as the mom, need to do what works best for your baby. Go with your gut instincts and what your baby needs.

I can tell you that I've done both... I let my oldest 2 CIO and nursed the next 6 to sleep. They all did fine, although I have to admit that my 'nursed to sleep' babies were happier and more content more of the time. My youngest is 4.5 mos old and can't nurse, so he's Far more difficult to get to sleep, but we still don't let him CIO because I just can't handle that cry. It makes me feel terrible to let him cry when I know I could at least hold and comfort him.

I do have to add this though~ every baby is a little different, so some babies don't Want to be held and helped to sleep, while others can't go to sleep on their own until they're older.

We used the cio method at about 2 1/2 months with my 3 and they were all sleep beautifully through the night by 4 months old. They are secure children. You have to use common sense with it. But I couldn't handle the crying either so my husband usually initiated it when I was at work.

HB

llghoney · Sep 28, 2008

Sometimes she will go to sleep on her own as in the swing, car seat or a mat we have. But at night is when it hits she watns to be held or in the a.m.'s.

Another quick question: When do you let them sleep however long at night? Say they go over 4-5 hrs do you wake them to feed anyway?

jgonz · Sep 28, 2008

By the time your milk supply is well established and the baby is nursing plenty of times during the day (approx. every 2 hrs) you can let the baby continue to sleep at night. You just have to make sure that she's getting enough nutrition during the day to continue to grow well. I think that letting the baby sleep after that 3 week growth spurt is fine (as long as the above is fine).

gracepaints · Sep 28, 2008

I agree with Jan. It's also common for formula fed babies to sleep in longer chunks. So I would let her snooze and enjoy it!

Gods4me · Sep 28, 2008

dont wake them up at night to feed them if she is sleeping longer it means shes not hungry yet.

i desided it was time to stop the during the night feeds when my son didnt wake up for them (about 3 months old) one morning he woke up crying in the normal way and i really had to think if i had been up during the night with him or not. it was only when i saw the nights bottle still in the fridge that i realised he slept through the night and i stoped the during the nights feeds if he didnt wake up for it one night he could manage it every night and he did.

just let her sleep and enjoy a long sleep your self.

llghoney · Sep 28, 2008

The thing is she doesn't cry really she wakes up so I'm not sure if she is hungry or just needs her diaper changed.

Gods4me · Sep 28, 2008

if shes not crying i say leave her.

you aint up all night watching over her crib are you?

llghoney · Sep 28, 2008

No she wakes up grunting & does a little cry but nothing major and won't go back to sleep unless fed or changed which I do both at the same time every 4 hrs because she usually wakes up then.

Gods4me · Sep 28, 2008

still a bit young to be going with out the night time feed. id say keep giving her her night time feed till about 3 months. that usally when kids sleep all night.

shes in a really good routine id just stick with it.

TexasSky · Sep 28, 2008

I am a 50 year old woman who first started taking care of other children when I was a pre-teen.

I've seen the "don't hold them" parents and the "hold them until the parents fall asleep parents."

I've read the literature, and most scientific studies say that human children NEED human touch. Nursing is a wonderful, wonderful way to provide a child with a sense of comfort, safety, etc.

I chose to hold mine until they fell sleep in my arms, and then I easily slipped them into their beds. They'd sometimes wake up for a few seconds and kind of whimper or fuss, and I would stand over them, rubbing their backs, singing the same songs I sang as they fell asleep and they would be out like a light.

I had a relative who was a "don't hold them until they sleep" parent. Her child drove the entire neighborhood insane SCREAMING for HOURS when she was put down because she wanted to be held and her parents didn't believe in it. The poor baby would hiccup and cry and sob, until I wanted to slap the parent.

They insisted this would help the baby learn to sleep on its own.

Well, they visited me during the time, and when it was bedtime, I asked to try it my way. I fed her, rocked her in my arms until she fell asleep, transferred like I did my own, and that was that. She was out in seconds. No one had frayed nerves, the baby didn't have a snotty nose from screaming.

I've never known a child where crying it out worked.

I guess there must be some out there because some parents swear by it, but I've never met one yet.

Neenie1 · Sep 29, 2008

I seriously can't remember what we did with our first (he is nearly 7), I know there was some form of controlled crying involved, a mix of nursing to sleep, a mix of rocking to sleep etc. etc. etc.

I know that our 2nd was an awful lot easier, I think it was just a more calm personality. I don't remember every doing any controlled crying with her.

Although she did not sleep through the night until 10 months (yes 10 months lol) but when she did wake mostly what she was after was a quick cuddle, a breastfeed and that was it, she would just go back to sleep straight away most times.

I also tried on occasion to nurse her to sleep but she never went for it, she liked to be rocked and walked around the room lol, so we did that some too.

I think as long as they occasionally get the chance to go to sleep on their own it doesn't matter if you occasionally rock/nurse/hold them to go to sleep. It's not going to matter 10 years from now, it may not even matter 6 months from now. If you want to get her to sleep on her own, do you wrap/swaddle? Both of mine loved that, so you make sure she is comfortable (full tummy, clean nappy) make sure she is sleepy, but not overtired, wrap her up, and put her in her cot, if she cries, put your hand on her chest and hope she settles lol. Then while she has stopped crying leave her be, she may go to sleep.

tiredwalker · Sep 29, 2008

I feel like I've gotten the "false advertisement" baby. I swaddle her in her crib after she yawns twice and she falls asleep on her own with the sleep sheep on rain mode. Most of the time I love just holding her, but at night time, I just put her to bed and she's happy looking around until she conks out.

So Maggie is 2 months today, and she's been sleeping for 8 hours at night for about a month. She eats every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, about 5-6 ounces at a time (she gets breast milk from the bottle-only used formula a few times). She seems big enough to me (double chin and 3 fat rolls on each leg). Is that okay?

She seems like she sleeps all of the time. When she is awake, she's happy, smiling, and looking around.

jgonz · Sep 29, 2008

She sounds Perfect tiredwalker! What a sweetie sleeping so well for you! Her input and output sound fine, and that's what you go by with breastfed (even in the bottle) babies.

tiredwalker · Sep 29, 2008

Thanks. Sometimes I get worried.

Hadassah · Sep 29, 2008

She sounds pretty normal to me!

I'm the one with the false advertisement baby. He never sleeps (Well, not without a lot of convincing that we won't do a scenery change on him while he's out)!

In the four months we've had him, it seems he's bouncing around all the time. Even before he was 'this side of the womb' he was bouncing around most the day rather than being quiet. . . and when he was asleep, I was poking him because he was TOO quiet for comfort.

tiredwalker · Sep 29, 2008

HadassahSukkot said:
She sounds pretty normal to me!

I'm the one with the false advertisement baby. He never sleeps (Well, not without a lot of convincing that we won't do a scenery change on him while he's out)!

In the four months we've had him, it seems he's bouncing around all the time. Even before he was 'this side of the womb' he was bouncing around most the day rather than being quiet. . . and when he was asleep, I was poking him because he was TOO quiet for comfort.

At least you'll be well prepared for the next one. I'm sure we'll get an insomniac next time

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · Sep 29, 2008

Grace sounds perfect!

On the CIO or not topic. We did a bit of both. Certainly not until they were older - at least 6 months. When my children were upset just before bed, holding/rocking them just infuriated them more! They knew I was trying to put them to sleep and screamed, bucked, twisted and screamed some more in my arms, when all I wanted was to sooth them into a peaceful sleep... so for us, some CIO (not hours at all - that is not healthy CIO) was a good choice, it worked, taught our kids to fall sleep on their own, now that their older (3 and 1) they have no problem falling asleep after being put into bed.
That is what worked for us, for our family personalities and dynamics... you sound like your doing a wonderful job tiredwalker!

Stan53 · Sep 29, 2008

jgonz said:
This is a Huge area of controversy. CIO (crying it out) or not. What it boils down to is that YOU, as the mom, need to do what works best for your baby. Go with your gut instincts and what your baby needs.

I haven't read all this thread and others may have already said what I will say. But this is from an observant Dad who had to force the issue.
This is excellent advice. You, as the mother, knows what is best for your baby. Go with the knowledge that Christ has placed within you. I personally believe that God has given to all of us what we need to know when we need to know it with our children. This is especially true with women. The problem is that society has decided that it knows better than God. It doesn't.
We have 2 girls. Michele, our eldest went through a stage where she wouldn't go to sleep and when she did she would wake up ever half hour. My poor dear wife got to the stage where she was like a zombie. She could barely function. Michele wasn't getting enough sleep at any one time to be restful. Something had to give. I stepped in and we did CIO.
Our second, Cathy, is a dream. But we are wiser now and more in tune with Christ.
I can tell you this, that from my point of view, CIO is a last resort. It's what you do when all else fails. I know some who do it from 6 weeks. Most will tell you not to try it before 6 months. Michele was 10 months. After the first CIO she was an enterirly different child. She went from being constantly whiny, to very happy. And it was all because she got a good restful sleep.

Sleep without being held

Is gone...

He's my best friend

He's my best friend

Life is preparation for eternity

What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.

gracepaints

Guest

Well-Known Member

Life is preparation for eternity

Well-Known Member

Life is preparation for eternity

Well-Known Member

Senior Veteran

Senior Veteran

Veteran

What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.

Veteran

Well-Known Member

Veteran

gone

Senior Member

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency