She answers texts selectively. Playing games?

Miss Spaulding · Feb 15, 2018

Citanul said:
Agreed. I've been in a situation where we each got frustrated with the other's communication style - she was into short responses straight away, while I prefer to take my time and write longer ones. It wasn't the only reason I didn't pursue things with her, but it was definitely a factor.

But in general, trying to analyse someone else's texting patterns can drive you mad, and the problem is
that it's hard not to do. It's even worse with WhatsApp (which is the norm here rather than SMS texts) as that not only tells you when someone read you message but also when they were last online.

Hm, true.

I rarely text when I'm home (or out for that matter), what I use is Messenger, which is much more convenient and guarantees the message will be sent/received with or without my bad reception at home. However, it does show when someone has 'seen' the message. It's very easy to assume someone is ignoring your message when you can see that they have 'seen' and most likely read the message and yet, they haven't responded. Lol...I am guilty of this very thing as I write out this post, however, once I'm finished I'll respond to the message. But here's the thing: 99% of the time when I 'see' a message and do not respond right away, it's because I'm not able to do so. I'm not going to respond to a message that will only ensue a conversation that I don't have time for in that moment. Unless I see it's an emergency, it'll keep until I'm available to sit down and talk. Because I try not to be the short, seemingly indifferent replying type and take my time to write out all I want to say.

So it's true that if we put too stock in a person's phone communication habits, we'll drive ourselves nuts. That's not to say that some peoples' habits need improvement and others' frustration about it isn't justified, but one can't use this issue as an absolute deciding factor in whether someone is worth dating. Well, you can, but it's unreasonable.

Saucy · Feb 15, 2018

wrong place

NurseAbigail · Feb 15, 2018

Based on my experience...I have female friends who reply like that, they tend to be in a relationship already or are juggling multiple possible matches (aka texting other people), those who reply consistently and clearly usually are those who show interest. Again, this is just on what I've observed lol. Me, personally, I love to text, but if I'm not interested/or avoiding a person, I don't reply quickly or I reply in a way that the person would get a hint. Example: Hey how are you? Me: I'm doing okay.
If I showed interest...it would go like this...I'm okay, just finished a long shift, wbu? Haven't spoken with you for awhile...
But this is not true for all, sometimes, maybe the person is just not a text person or maybe just busy, maybe try giving her a call?

NurseAbigail · Feb 15, 2018

Oh nvm...looks like you attempted to call her already... le sigh...

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 15, 2018

Anyway. I don't always respond right away (could even be hours later) via text.

Yeah, but in my case....a week?

Saucy · Feb 15, 2018

To be honest, while it's quite possible for her to just be busy, I run into this a lot if someone isn't interest or even with clients who aren't interested in my service. It's very awkward to turn someone down, so most opt for just not saying anything. You've done your part by trying to contact her, so leave it alone. Either she will contact you back or she won't.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) · Feb 15, 2018

Don' t wanna read paragraphs. Keep it short and simple. Like this. Kthnx

Paulie079 · Feb 15, 2018

Bortsss said:
Don' t wanna read paragraphs. Keep it short and simple. Like this. Kthnx

Then don't and move on. Kthnx

redblue22 · Feb 15, 2018

playing games? what would that mean even if she were?

PeachieKeen · Feb 16, 2018

ThisIsMe123 said:
I met this woman at a Meetup event. She was new to it, in fact, I kind of introduced her to it. We sat together and got to know each other some. It was group event. I did mingle around, but when I got back to her and she was leaving. I had asked for her # and she gave it to me.

A couple days later, I text her talking about a few things...small talk...then I asked her out.

Dead silence...

I didn't text further...but apparently there was another Meetup scheduled on a Friday. That very day she texted me and asked me if I was going to that event. I said I was unable...she said, "Well..maybe next time."

Well..."next time" rolled around and another weekend event was coming up. I called her and left a voicemail to see if she had planned on going to that one. She did not respond until that Meetup had ended. She said that she just felt like vegging out.

I later asked her if she had a Facebook page and would she me adding her on. She responded, "Yes, I have a Facebook page." Bu no... "Sure go ahead and add me!"

I wanted to text her..."Okay, so...is it okay if I add you?" But I did not. I ignored it, but now that another weekend is coming up...and..another event. I texted her asking her if she planned on going to the next event. (This is a routine event...pretty much weekly). I'll have to see what the response is...if any.

Another pet peeve of mine is when you ask someone about a dated event...but...they choose to answer WHILE the event is happening...or very shortly after...it's like they deliberately did it on purpose...as if they are just NOW seeing the text. lol

I think she was wanting to get to know me in a group setting instead of one on one I suppose? Since she's new to the group. Maybe shy even or is she playing games?

Sounds pretty normal to me. I think it may be the thing where she's really bad at saying no and doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings so when the answer is no she just avoids it. Not a great habit in my opinion, but I understand it and don't think it's a game.

Seems like she's really interested in knowing you as a friend in the group right now. That could change to something more in the future but for now that's what she's looking for.

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 19, 2018

PeachieKeen said:
Sounds pretty normal to me. I think it may be the thing where she's really bad at saying no and doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings so when the answer is no she just avoids it. Not a great habit in my opinion, but I understand it and don't think it's a game.

Seems like she's really interested in knowing you as a friend in the group right now. That could change to something more in the future but for now that's what she's looking for.

That's true...women do hold control over on whether or not they want to turn a friendship into a romance with a man.

redblue22 · Feb 19, 2018

ThisIsMe123 said:
That's true...women do hold control over on whether or not they want to turn a friendship into a romance with a man.

What do you mean?

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 19, 2018

redblue22 said:
What do you mean?

Well, not saying all, but I think most women make the decision on whether or not to have something turn into a relationship. Men are the pursuers...chances are she has guy friends that are interested in her already.

If she's got a boyfriend for instance, and they break up...she has male friends that come sniffin around her, asking her out. Men are the pursuers, but typically make the call on whether it should be something more than a friendship. Like saying "Yes" to a date.

JAM2b · Feb 19, 2018

One thing that turns me off real fast from any type of relationship is when people are impatient or picky about how and when I respond. I have a life. I have a full time job. I have health issues. I'm raising teenagers. I don't owe anyone anything socially speaking.

We live in an instant world, which breeds impatience and unfair judgement.

She might just want things to be a casual acquaintance, or isn't ready to make decisions about dating or anything else. Some people take their time getting to know people and groups before making choices.

To me the response that she does have a facebook account was permission to add her. If she didn't want you to, then she would have either said no, or been honest and said "yes, but I don't want to be facebook friends."

For me I would have felt it is awkward to be asked for permission to "friend" someone outside of facebook because there's a system for that in facebook. The logical thing to do would have been to look her up on facebook, send the friend request, and wait for her response. If she didn't respond, then assume she doesn't get on facebook much or that she wasn't interested.

So, since you asked and she said she is on facebook, and then you didn't friend her, she might be thinking you are playing games. OR since it was brought up and she didn't seek you out on facebook, that might be an answer right there.

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 19, 2018

JAM2b said:
One thing that turns me off real fast from any type of relationship is when people are impatient or picky about how and when I respond. I have a life. I have a full time job. I have health issues. I'm raising teenagers. I don't owe anyone anything socially speaking.

We live in an instant world, which breeds impatience and unfair judgement.

There is something quite unfair about waiting a whole week before returning texts. Chances are if it's taking you that long, you're not really into that person to begin with.

It's been a while since I posted about this..and I've moved on from her anyways. With all the technology we have, it cannot be that hard to return a text in a timely fashion.

Strider1002 · Feb 19, 2018

Find yourself a girl who responds promptly. They are out there, I promise.

JAM2b · Feb 19, 2018

Um.. It was just Thursday. That's only been four days. That's not a while. I think your perception of time might be a little off. Maybe it effects your patience in interacting with others as well.

To me a week or more is not a long time, especially for someone I barely know and have only established a casual relationship with. You can't possibly know her well enough to know what all her day-to-day entails. There could be private things she has not shared with you yet.

You obviously aren't raising kids with a full time job and chronic illness (add/exchange any other challenges here) or you would understand that "timely" does not mean the same for everyone.

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 20, 2018

JAM2b said:
Um.. It was just Thursday. That's only been four days. That's not a while. I think your perception of time might be a little off. Maybe it effects your patience in interacting with others as well.

To me a week or more is not a long time, especially for someone I barely know and have only established a casual relationship with. You can't possibly know her well enough to know what all her day-to-day entails. There could be private things she has not shared with you yet.

You obviously aren't raising kids with a full time job and chronic illness (add/exchange any other challenges here) or you would understand that "timely" does not mean the same for everyone.

Noticed I bolded the "to me as most others would disagree with you and you'd also be in the minority.

This woman has adult children no longer living with her. She has no illness whatsoever. Not much is tying her down. And yes, and most people here agreed with me already that a week is way too long to return a text.

I mean, what's it take, a minute or 2? It's not rocket science, you just push a few buttons.

Either that or "She's just not that into you" (me).

TheGirlOnFire · Feb 20, 2018

She not that into you.

I agree, if you were into someone you would reply within SECONDS.... Trust me on that one

ThisIsMe123 · Feb 20, 2018

TheGirlOnFire said:
She not that into you.

I agree, if you were into someone you would reply within SECONDS.... Trust me on that one

Seconds? I wouldn't say seconds...I'd give it at least till the end of the day.

She answers texts selectively. Playing games?

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