Returning gifts to an ex partner (me)

Katylees I'm sorry for the break up and how things went down. The only thing you can do in this situation is take them back. He's going through something and maybe sending those things back is helping him letting you go. He's hurting from the break up and maybe doesn't know what to do. I'll just take them back and give them to someone else as a gift unless he calls and wants them back.

You know...I have thought about this recently. There could be many reasons he would do this, but if I were in his shoes (just to give you one point of view), I'd probably do it because

1. Pains me to have those items as a reminder. Not sure if I'd return them though, but probably hide them away.
2. Feel as if I shouldn't have the items since we're not together. Side note to this, I have always been the type to feel guilty about people giving me stuff. And probably would more if the relationship changed.

As for him thinking you don't care about him... Well I think you can always care for someone, but that person not really see it. Especially in a case where you go from being together to apart...or in cases of insecurity. He may either see (perception) you as not really caring at all, or may be expecting that other kind of care, and is hurting that it's now "I care for you as a friend". The latter would be more of a feeling of loss. The "all or nothing", because "a little" will only remind him of what used to be.

Just some thoughts.

You could donate them. There's lots of people out there that would appreciate clothing donations.

i agree with the others that he probably sees them as a hurtful reminder of the relationship so his first thought was to give them back. but since it is too late to return them, then see if any of your guy friends or family would want them, or consider donating them to the salvation army or some other charitable group that could use them.

Hello to all,

This is Tony and I am the 'ex' partner who Katy is talking about here. I do not put this as a --push back to Katy's-- post but rather a heart-felt thought on what has been said. I know nothing in Life is -fair- but you know, there are 2 realities here, and I am on the other side. In NO way is this meant to 'be hurtful' or ' let's feel bad for somebody' either Katy or I
(Tony). So I'd like to bring this in 2 parts.

First, I have Cerebral Palsy that has affected me since Birth, and WILL affect me for the rest of my Life. There is not a day that goes by that I do not have some kind of struggle emotionally or physically. Not until (8) eight years ago did I see and understand that the Cerebral Palsy is A BLESSING in my Life. Today I can stand here and tell you that GOD has truly Touched my Life. I THANK GOD now morning and night for my Life. I am quite intelligent, had gone on to University, graduated and worked much ever since. This could go soooooooooooooo long, but I will try to stay simple. Almost 3 years ago, I met this WONDERFUL girl, Katy Lees. It was on-line. She is from the UK, like she says, and myself from Florida...USA.
Let's fast forward to just a few months ago, as Katy said-- relationship ended in early January, 2009. After these years of getting to know this incredible, INCREDIBLE girl...well you see what happened. I had gone there to the UK 4 times. She was here in Florida 2 times. To say that I LOVED Katy with EVERY spot of my heart is and under-statement. The phone calls stopped coming, or Katy taking my calls in the end of October 2008.
Then into November, I KNEW something was wrong. All I ever wanted in a relationship, was some great girl to care about me and l love me just like I am. NOT " oh I feel bad for you, gosh with the CP and challenges".
And ya know, I struggled with the age difference 36 (me at the time), 21 (for katy at the time). Only for a month I struggled. She became a Blessing in my Life.
Going back to phone calls ending, well, of course I was going 'Why'?? Wouldn't you?? So I just asked, "Did I hurt you, say something, do something wrong, mis-treat you"?? Her responses were-- " oh No, NO No"
Then she got into all of this " It is all me" (katy).
It got to where she would just talk to me on-line. And in November, I found out. November 2008. She goes to this small House Group type of Church. 2 streets or so over from where she lives.
She ended the relationship with me because there is this (SITUATION) where she has 'feelings' for the Pastor (Leader)? of this Church.
Here's the kicker,, NOT doing this for effect. Katy is 23, this (Pastor) is
Fifty- nine, almost 60 years old. OK, take a breathe, because I had to!!!...This guy is STILL married, has been for 31 years, has 3 kids of his own and grand-children. I found out from talking with Katy's Nan, (grand-mother) about 6 weeks ago that the 2nd Grand-Child was soon on the way. Katy's Nan knew that the 2nd Grand-Child was or probably has been. In an e-mail to me, Katy says " I'm CONFUSED, He (Pastor)? is CONFUSED and that Katy says I am CONFUSED...Honestly, I am NOT confused. Katy just says that it is her and "things change"...
Part 2- on the way next as to WHY I RETURNED and I wanna ask "well, wouldn't you return the gifts,, being TREATED THAT WAY??

So truly, do you see where I am coming from in returning the 'GIFTS'. I mean someone so special that I LOVED so dearly dropping a BOMBSHELL on me like that. I mean I am not saying after ALL i have gone through to this point in my Life, because we ALL go through some stuff at stages in our lives. GOD is the only one who CAN reach down, pick us up and get us going again.
Yeah, the gifts were quite nice and extremely thoughtful as Katy knows I love stripes.... But after some thought about EVERYTHING,, I truly felt in my HEART- "These Need to go back". Nobody told me, it was a personal decision.
I am in a Recovery Group and Counseling over this entire event in my Life. I am not afraid or ' to far above anything to say I need HELP' This has brought devastation of my heart.
And something like all of this is where I say Katy 'does not care about me'.
She mentioned that in her post...She may be ' a caring person', but she doesn't care about Tony (me) It's about Self for her.
And for one last thing,, ' Tacky' or ' Childish' to return the gift?? It was just a personal decision based on where I was and how I am feeling.
There was NOTHING about 'kicking Katy in the teeth" as she puts it.
Maybe she feels that way in the middle of all her confusion....but I do not FEEL like I did anything to be 'spite-ful' or UNREALISTIC.

God Bless each of you
and I covet, or earnestly ask for your prayers...
tony

yea little tigress i agree here
never had this happen other than one birthstone ring my ex bf gave me and i like it and he didn't ant it back. everything i ever got him,he uses probably. nothing sentimental.

And it does make sense to me what --Kittie-- put in the post above. It definitely is not so much the truth that Katy (broke) the relationship with me after we had been with each other for quite some time (30 months) and it took much on BOTH of our parts to see each other..Going from one country to another.
But, when You LOVE somebody so much, as I did with Katy, in my case I would have been on a plane again and again.
But WHAT IS the struggle in this whole situation is --HOW-- katy ended the relationship.
I know she had her struggles, emotional (and another I won't mention here) but every minute of time with her was a Blessing to me. She brought 30 months of Joy into my Life, even with the struggles we both had...emotional, physical pain with the Cerebral Palsy for me.

Thanks and God Bless,
tony

And one other thought came to mind today as I was doing my devotionals. Katy's concern about the 'Gift' in her original post.
And it just hit me on the REALITY of " it is just stuff ".I know that I sent them (shirts) back, but I felt, feel with good reason.
Anyhow, Relationships are more important, ESPECIALLY with GOD and HIS son Jesus, then people.
Stuff is just that-- 'stuff ' and we are going to remembered for how we treat others.

God Bless all,
tony

So, would anyone you, meaning anyone else return the gifts???

thanks and God Bless,
tony

And it is a real eye-opener to find out that this is not just the kind of stuff that people hear about on television.....

Tony, i say this in all love. i know you were incredibly hurt and if what you say she did is true, then I can't blame you. but you need to start letting this go. forgive her and put the past behind you. She will answer one day to the Lord for how she treated you just like we will all answer to Him for our sins.

Its not necessary to keep pointing out to strangers all around the world how she sinned and hurt you. all the stuff in this thread (that the both of you shared) is really between the two of you and it should be left there.

thats not to say you shouldn't be reaching out to people when you're hurting. you should. especially to the Christian community so we can pray for you during a hard time. but you've been bumping this thread up for so long now i worry that you're becoming stuck, and i would really encourage you as well to talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor about all this.

I agree with the above post completely. By coming into this thread and bashing your ex, shows extreme immaturity. None of us can know who is telling the real truth, you or her, only God knows. But, even if she did wrong you, coming here and saying the very hurtful things you've said was no better than what she may have done. You also keep posting about Christ, and His love, but you aren't even portraying it yourself.

Forgive, and let go. Move on.

Tony- I find it extremely immature of you to go on your ex's thread an bash her. These are things you should talk with her privately if you have been so hurt. The returning of the gifts was also something I find extremely immature. You could have just donated them to charity instead of giving the slap in the face that is returning a past gift.
It might be "just stuff" but that stuff holds a meaning for her. That was a time when your relationship was going well, and she gave you those things out of the kindness of her heart. You should have at least respected that you had wonderful moments in the past and kept them, instead of insulting the relationship's memory through the mail.

I suggest you pray upon the subject and the hurt you might have caused through posting on this thread and sending back the gifts. It seems as though you're just taking an un-christain stab at her, when all you should do is get over it and move on.
Instead, you just posted page long excuses that mean nothing. Your actions speak louder than those empty words.
Good luck, start living your life and move on.