Over a year ago I basically left my family, mainly my parents because of physical abuse. Now after a while I started to talk to one of my siblings again but that tends to be off and on because we tend to run into problems.
I've tried to make it known to her that the main issue is really between our parents and I, not her and I. My parents are the ones who I need to learn to forgive (I still haven't been able to) and they are also the ones where I need to try to repair the relationship.
I've also noticed that she's taken on some of the characteristics of our parents-- she's become controlling (she tries to be with me), bossy, and unempathetic and likes to make quick judgements along with exploding on me unprovoked. I know that I really shouldn't just blow her off but I find myself not picking up my phone, ignoring her emails, and avoiding anything else that involved her contacting me. I simply dread it.
Sometimes I wonder if she really truly wants to repair the relationships or continue what there was but I get so many conflicting messages. On one hand she says something like my mom will cry and wish I was still living at their place, but on the other hand she will say something like everyone knows that I don't have a heart and I'm a cold person. What gives?
I've kept some of the conversations and emails we've had and had friends and my bf read them and they have all said the same thing: she seems to be pretty angry about something and will often try to start an argument unprovoked, or at least try to get a rise out of me by hoping to receive an angry response but I usually do a good job retaining my composure.
It's really confusing-- I don't want to be one of those people who are estranged permanently from their families, but at the same time I'm not going to allow them to walk all over me and scare me emotionally again, or hurt me in any way again. I haven't built up all the internal self-confidence and strength and maturity this past year just to get it beat down by my family.
I know that my mom would really want to repair the relationship but I'm not sure what my dad would do, or my brother. I'm pretty sure someone in my family hates me even though my sister has said that noone hates me, they are all just rather hurt. I could care less what my extended family thought, but I know my grandma really likes to hear from me and I don't ever plan on shutting her out.
But I guess the main issue is, how do I help myself and my family move past the hurt that each of us have caused? For some reason I feel that no matter what I do, it will not matter unless I basically extort myself-- "we'll be nice as long as you live back here and follow our rules-- I can't live like that anymore, I really can't. But then my sister has said stuff to me like "in the end you will be the idiot for doing what you have". How will I be an idiot for trying to be an adult??
How do I let my family know that I am very final and serious in my decision to be an adult living on my own and that no amount of coaxing is going to make me think otherwise? how do I repair the relationships without seeming cold and unloving (because that is what they probably already think)? or maybe should I wait?
I've tried to make it known to her that the main issue is really between our parents and I, not her and I. My parents are the ones who I need to learn to forgive (I still haven't been able to) and they are also the ones where I need to try to repair the relationship.
I've also noticed that she's taken on some of the characteristics of our parents-- she's become controlling (she tries to be with me), bossy, and unempathetic and likes to make quick judgements along with exploding on me unprovoked. I know that I really shouldn't just blow her off but I find myself not picking up my phone, ignoring her emails, and avoiding anything else that involved her contacting me. I simply dread it.
Sometimes I wonder if she really truly wants to repair the relationships or continue what there was but I get so many conflicting messages. On one hand she says something like my mom will cry and wish I was still living at their place, but on the other hand she will say something like everyone knows that I don't have a heart and I'm a cold person. What gives?
I've kept some of the conversations and emails we've had and had friends and my bf read them and they have all said the same thing: she seems to be pretty angry about something and will often try to start an argument unprovoked, or at least try to get a rise out of me by hoping to receive an angry response but I usually do a good job retaining my composure.
It's really confusing-- I don't want to be one of those people who are estranged permanently from their families, but at the same time I'm not going to allow them to walk all over me and scare me emotionally again, or hurt me in any way again. I haven't built up all the internal self-confidence and strength and maturity this past year just to get it beat down by my family.
I know that my mom would really want to repair the relationship but I'm not sure what my dad would do, or my brother. I'm pretty sure someone in my family hates me even though my sister has said that noone hates me, they are all just rather hurt. I could care less what my extended family thought, but I know my grandma really likes to hear from me and I don't ever plan on shutting her out.
But I guess the main issue is, how do I help myself and my family move past the hurt that each of us have caused? For some reason I feel that no matter what I do, it will not matter unless I basically extort myself-- "we'll be nice as long as you live back here and follow our rules-- I can't live like that anymore, I really can't. But then my sister has said stuff to me like "in the end you will be the idiot for doing what you have". How will I be an idiot for trying to be an adult??
How do I let my family know that I am very final and serious in my decision to be an adult living on my own and that no amount of coaxing is going to make me think otherwise? how do I repair the relationships without seeming cold and unloving (because that is what they probably already think)? or maybe should I wait?