Random or odd questions you asked your spouse before marriage?

I gave him my list of "must-have's" and "can't stand's" and asked him to answer to them. He was fully honest about how he answered each point and didn't make himself sound too perfect. All of this was a huge part of allowing myself to become involved with him in a romantic sense - although it was not very romantic for him to have to face all these questions.

HerCrazierHalf said:

What odd questions did you ask your husband or wife before getting married?

I guess I'll start first. I asked there were any children she already agreed to take in if any of her family or friends expired. Turns out there might have been one a long time ago but he is now an adult.

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I honestly can't think of anything "odd" that I asked my wife before we got married. My parents had a concern because of our age difference - my wife is 13 years older than I am - and the fact that we met online.

ValleyGal said:

I gave him my list of "must-have's" and "can't stand's" and asked him to answer to them. He was fully honest about how he answered each point and didn't make himself sound too perfect. All of this was a huge part of allowing myself to become involved with him in a romantic sense - although it was not very romantic for him to have to face all these questions.

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Would you care to elaborate on a couple of the "must-have's" and a couple of the "can't-stands?" If you don't that's completely understandable.

I can't speak for every man, but I know that if my wife would have given me something like this prior to us becoming romantically involved it would immediately put me off.

I know before my wife and I got married...I know many women want to have children...some a few and some several. My wife said she wanted to have 4 when we were dating.

Then I dropped the bomb shell on her about how with the medications I am on for epilepsy that we only have a 1% chance of having one kid forget having 4. She started to sob and then she got angry. I thought at first she was going to dump me at that point, but she married me any way. Then 10 years later she was pregnant with our first, last, and only child. Anything is possible with God.

We were so happy when this happened.

I know this because I slacked a little on the things "Christians shouldn't do before marriage" but I'd had a few sleepovers with him in the past and he flailed around, talked in his sleep, and accidentally smacked me.
I asked him when we were getting his stuff moved into my condo and preparing for it to become our newlywed home in the days leading up to the wedding if "next week when you start sleeping here are you going to constantly punch and kick me in your sleep or what?"
and he said he didn't know.

The answer I found is "about 20% of the time".

I gosh I forgot about those days...I had always had a full size bed since the age of 8. It was my Dad's when he was a kid and my grandparents wanted it out of the camp as it was being sold. We were just moving into our new home at the time so I got his old full size bed that was at camp. Anyway flash forward some 17 years...I am now married and my wife always grew up having nothing more than a twin bed. Well for the first few years of our marriage she would push me out of bed and onto the floor. After that no so much. She still thinks I am trying to freeze her to death because I like to sleep with the window open all year round and the fan on most of it as well and our winters get pretty cold up here in Maine. It is not uncommon to see -20 at night and that window still stays open although I will shut the fan off.

Well, I have the AC down low and fan or fans and won't use a big comforter just a few thin blankets because even though I'm thin I somehow turn into a sweaty sauna when I sleep.
And unless I am zonked out with zzzquill or something, I will wake up agitated in the middle of the night if I get hot.
Adding a man to the bed only made it worse.
For the first 10 months of our marriage, he complained constantly about the AC and the fans and piled himself with comforters, robes and blankets on his side.
Even though he's the chunky one. He gets cold. go figure.
Well, since as I said earlier, he thrashes around alot in his sleep, they would ALWAYS wind up on me. And I would wake up sweaty and angry at 2am.
Finally, I got smart and got a thin comforter (duvet) and pushed it onto the floor at night and got 2 fleece throws, folded them in half, and laid them out on his side and they kind of stick to that spot and don't move even when he does.
At first he complained he was still too cold, but finally he gave up.

So I kind of accidentally got even with him for the kicking and punching.

ranyhyn said:

Would you care to elaborate on a couple of the "must-have's" and a couple of the "can't-stands?" If you don't that's completely understandable.

I can't speak for every man, but I know that if my wife would have given me something like this prior to us becoming romantically involved it would immediately put me off.

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I wanted him to speak to mental and emotional stability, integrity of character, leadership through the practice of peace, social skills and personal hygiene, embracing the reconciliation process, and teachable. These are all some of my must-haves.

My deal-breakers were arrogance/self-righteousness, smoking/drugs/excessive alcohol use, spiritual intolerance of other's freedom to choose their own spirituality, control freak/has to have own way/thin-skinned, low emotional and relational intelligence, unfaithfulness or abusive.

The reason I had him speak to these values is that I was not about to let myself grow into love with someone who would not be compatible in these areas. I spent too many broken hearts on "falling" in love and needed a different approach this time.... a conscious and intentional approach with a rationale for who to spend my life with and allow myself to love.