Question for you all

Jemma · Mar 18, 2007

I'm only new to this thread, so I'm not too sure of the 'nuances' of usage, so to speak.

As we know, we're all TTC (except gracepaints, YAY!), and there are a lot of BFNs each month.

What's the 'protocol' (for want of a much better word) and general feeling when you console someone for their BFNs, but still have hope and good signs yourself?

For me, I always feel bad saying "I'm really sorry... My signs are still hopeful"... I guess I feel bad for still being hopeful when others aren't?

Does this make any sense? Maybe not...

BookwormPrincess · Mar 18, 2007

Hi Jemma,

Thanks for bringing this up because it is a good question and it makes a lot of sense to me. I have to say that also finding out about other BFPs is bitter-sweet for me - I'm so happy that a fellow TTCer has made it and that it is possible after so long, but there is a sadness that it is not me waving the BFP around.

I have really felt that everyone is sincere when we say how sorry we are for each other over BFNs and AF arriving because I know we have all been there, even when are own signs are hopeful at that moment.

I guess that's what friendship is about, sharing the ups and downs. I really enjoy reading about where everyone is at, particularly when it is good because it gives me hope that it still happens to people who are 'obsessed' ( I say that in a nice way) about ttc.

Jemma · Mar 18, 2007

Thanks Bookworm Princess.

It's hard to know how others feel on this topic because I'm a newbie to this thread. I'd love to get some more responses on this.

The other thing too, is that I don't know if I'm considered a 'friend' by you guys because I've only been here a week, if that. Do you know what I mean? I'm still getting to know you all.

Anyway, I just don't want to be considered heartless if I still convey hopefulness for myself this cycle. I really DO feel for those who wait and wait, only to have AF come around each time.

RN4CHRIST · Mar 18, 2007

Don't feel bad about your hope! Speaking for myself, I love hearing someone else has a BFP. It reminds me that God is still working. I celebrate with each and every one of you. I also morn with each and every BFN. My suggestion is to jump right in. We are all in this boat together.

RN4CHRIST · Mar 18, 2007

And yes, you are a friend!

BookwormPrincess · Mar 18, 2007

Jemma said:
Thanks Bookworm Princess.

It's hard to know how others feel on this topic because I'm a newbie to this thread. I'd love to get some more responses on this.

The other thing too, is that I don't know if I'm considered a 'friend' by you guys because I've only been here a week, if that. Do you know what I mean? I'm still getting to know you all.

Anyway, I just don't want to be considered heartless if I still convey hopefulness for myself this cycle. I really DO feel for those who wait and wait, only to have AF come around each time.

Jemma, don't worry about only being a newbie. I felt welcomed straight away and wasn't here from the beginning of the chat thread or anything. Can't remember when I came onto this thread but it was probably only a couple of months ago. I'd forgotten you'd only been here a week!

BookwormPrincess · Mar 18, 2007

RN4CHRIST said:
And yes, you are a friend!

I agree!

Jemma · Mar 18, 2007

Awww.... Thanks, you guys! I feel all welcomed and comfortable here now!

And, yes, I also mourn each BFN and celebrate each BFP!

And also remind myself that whatever God's will is, so it shall be done.

BookwormPrincess · Mar 19, 2007

Jemma said:
Awww.... Thanks, you guys! I feel all welcomed and comfortable here now!

So pleased!

Jemma said:
And also remind myself that whatever God's will is, so it shall be done.

ksdedee74 · Mar 19, 2007

I think RN4CHRIST & BookwormPrincess pretty much covered it. Although at times I am sad it isn't me, there alot of times I need to know good things are happening. Gracepaints BFP came at a time when we were all getting down. God's timing is perfect. It amazes me how many times I have to say that to myself. As long as we are genuine to each other and try to support each other we will want to celebrate with each other and cry with each other.

I do hope you feel welcomed. It is so nice to be able to talk with people about this and not feel like a freak.

Jemma · Mar 20, 2007

Thanks, guys

I'm still curious how others feel in the situation described in my OP.

jenrenee · Mar 20, 2007

Hello!

I am a "newbie" to this forum as well - just came today for the first time, however, I have visited another site similar to this one. I've been ttc for 1 year and a half - I have had a lot of friends tell me when they got their BFP... and BFN's. I think it's a little hard each time to know that so many people get their BFP when I can't - and it does get to me sometimes, but moreso - I am just happy that those individuals don't have to go through what I am going through anymore. It's a terrible feeling to see that BFN month after month - and I hate to see other people having to deal with it as well. So although it bothers me sometimes, I am actually just more happy for them when they finally get what they have been hoping for! And, yes, it does give me hope to hear of others success stories - that is why I join in on these discussions as well as for support. It's amazing how close we can become to people we have never even met!

Jemma · Mar 20, 2007

ksdedee74 said:
I think RN4CHRIST & BookwormPrincess pretty much covered it. Although at times I am sad it isn't me, there alot of times I need to know good things are happening. Gracepaints BFP came at a time when we were all getting down. God's timing is perfect. It amazes me how many times I have to say that to myself. As long as we are genuine to each other and try to support each other we will want to celebrate with each other and cry with each other.

I do hope you feel welcomed. It is so nice to be able to talk with people about this and not feel like a freak.

Thanks for the support (and reps)

Jemma · Mar 20, 2007

jenrenee said:
Hello!

I am a "newbie" to this forum as well - just came today for the first time, however, I have visited another site similar to this one. I've been ttc for 1 year and a half - I have had a lot of friends tell me when they got their BFP... and BFN's. I think it's a little hard each time to know that so many people get their BFP when I can't - and it does get to me sometimes, but moreso - I am just happy that those individuals don't have to go through what I am going through anymore. It's a terrible feeling to see that BFN month after month - and I hate to see other people having to deal with it as well. So although it bothers me sometimes, I am actually just more happy for them when they finally get what they have been hoping for! And, yes, it does give me hope to hear of others success stories - that is why I join in on these discussions as well as for support. It's amazing how close we can become to people we have never even met!

Yes, that's what always amazes me about online friendship. I have made friends online (at another site - I haven't been using CF for very long, but am making friends here too!) that I would consider closer than some IRL friends. It's wonderful to have that closeness.

BookwormPrincess · Mar 20, 2007

Jemma said:
Yes, that's what always amazes me about online friendship. I have made friends online (at another site - I haven't been using CF for very long, but am making friends here too!) that I would consider closer than some IRL friends. It's wonderful to have that closeness.

I agree - it's amazing how we can make friends online. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could actually meet up! In fact my best friend is someone I met in a forum 2 years ago, and we have only conversed over e-mail, msn and text messages but we know each other so well - we're trying to pluck up the courage to chat on the phone next and take it to the next level.

I agree with Jenrenee that it is tough to hear of another BFP when you keep getting BFNs yourself. It even made me tearful once, if I am honest, but that doesn't make me not want to hear about them. BFPs bring hope and it is what we are all praying for.

For me, it is very similar to when I hear about miraculous healing. When someone tells me that God has healed them from an illness, I am bombarded with very difficult emotions since I have lived with an illness for 14 years without a miraculous healing. It's hard to wonder why God has healed them and not me, and sometimes I shed tears in private, but I still rejoice in the power of God and that their illness is healed. It's a funny old life, and I don't think I will ever understand the way God works but I do know He is good and loving, and in that I trust.

Jemma · Mar 20, 2007

BookwormPrincess said:
I agree - it's amazing how we can make friends online. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could actually meet up! In fact my best friend is someone I met in a forum 2 years ago, and we have only conversed over e-mail, msn and text messages but we know each other so well - we're trying to pluck up the courage to chat on the phone next and take it to the next level.

I agree with Jenrenee that it is tough to hear of another BFP when you keep getting BFNs yourself. It even made me tearful once, if I am honest, but that doesn't make me not want to hear about them. BFPs bring hope and it is what we are all praying for.

For me, it is very similar to when I hear about miraculous healing. When someone tells me that God has healed them from an illness, I am bombarded with very difficult emotions since I have lived with an illness for 14 years without a miraculous healing. It's hard to wonder why God has healed them and not me, and sometimes I shed tears in private, but I still rejoice in the power of God and that their illness is healed. It's a funny old life, and I don't think I will ever understand the way God works but I do know He is good and loving, and in that I trust.

I know what you mean re. chronic conditions, etc. I get frustrated too but try not to. Sometimes I'm successful, or I'll sometimes think about the good things I've learned.

I've met a number of friends from online IRL. I even stayed with a number of them when I went overseas for a while. That was wierd, but awesome all at once. Huge learning curve. I've also met a couple here in Australia too, and have chatted to more over the phone.

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