Question for Parents Who Push Abstinence

katautumn · Nov 23, 2005

The thread about whether or not you would allow your teens to have sex in your house got me thinking, so I wanted to start another thread.

I have heard of parents who keep a close check on whether or not their teens touch. I have heard stories of young men whose parents have punished them severely after being caught in the act.

So this question is to those of you who do/will expect their kids to abstain from sex until marriage. Do you/will you also teach your children not to touch and, if so, would you punish them if you caught them doing it?

rebelEnigma · Nov 23, 2005

So this question is to those of you who do/will expect their kids to abstain from sex until marriage. Do you/will you also teach your children not to touch and, if so, would you punish them if you caught them doing it?

Yes, I will (to all questions).

charityagape · Nov 23, 2005

How close do you have to be to someone to know they're masterbating?

No, I wouldn't punish them and man do I hope I never walk in on it. They're a little young, but we'll discuss it at the right time.

christalee4 · Nov 23, 2005

Now this is the other extreme. Of course, I would not punish my teen for masturbating. In fact, I would rather him touch than engage with sexual relations at this point in his young life. Masturbation is a healthy outlet for sexual tension for young people. Parents who punish masturbation are setting the situation for neurosis and mental illness. In single young people, private masturbation is harmless.

loriersea · Nov 23, 2005

rebelEnigma said:
Yes, I will (to all questions).

What would be an appropriate punishment for masturbation, in your view?

I would not "push" abstinence in the sense of keeping information about birth control and safe sex from my children, but I would encourage abstinence.

However, I would not tell my children that masturbation is wrong or sinful, just that it is private and personal, and that there is a time or a place for it. I think that is a very personal matter, and it would not be my business whether my children were masturbating or not. If I felt that masturbation was a problem for my child--either they were doing it publicly or were obviously doing it obsessively (although I don't know how I'd know that, and hope I don't need to ever find out how I'd know that)--then I'd discuss it with them, but otherwise I think that, just like their bodies are private, their masturbation should be a private thing, too.

Jacob4Jesus · Nov 23, 2005

Well, regardless of whether or not I did it, but dad and stepmother always gave me a hard time about masturbation. I mean, they teased me about it all the time, accused me of doing it and mentioned it many times in the company of friends and family. I totally resent my dad for it, and although it might not be labeled as 'punishment,' it was totally a way that they made me feel self conscious and terrible about it.

My mother on the other hand (who has never mentioned anything about me doing it) has been more open about it to my brother, at least. When my brother was complaining about not getting any sex, she suggested he 'take care of it himself.' He got very, very upset. hehe

Yusuf Evans · Nov 23, 2005

The issue of masturbation is a personal one. I will answer my boys questions if they ask. As for my daughter, well, that's why my wife is here. As for preaching abstinence, absolutely. I will inform them of safe sexual practices, and also remind them of the consequences, but I will emphasize more on abstinence, as it is the safest form of birth control there is. You can't get someone pregnant and you can't catch an STD to pass onto someone else. I'm going to raise my children to understand the Law that governs Christians, the 10 Commandments and to adhere to the teachings and lifestyle that Jesus Christ wants us to embody. Therefore, pre-marital sex will be frowned upon, but I will not be overbearing.

Jacob4Jesus · Nov 23, 2005

Whenever I hear the word 'masturbation,' I think of the movie with Richard Pryor called "The Toy." The last name of the rich family, headed by Jackie Gleason is Bates. When Richard Pryor's character is introduced to the young boy in the family, they say something to the effect of "This is Master Bates."

It's always strikes me as funny that they only probably named the family Bates for that one joke. It's worth it to see Richard Pryor's character laughing.

pantsman52 · Nov 23, 2005

I'm being reminded of that thread a while back where this girl was questioning her future marriage with a guy because he masturbated. She said that his mom caught him in the act, and his father beat him to the point where he was unconcious. It scares me that there are people out there that even care about masturbation, let alone punish the act.

Superpants · Dec 20, 2005

my parents were a little too religious. i had a girlfriend in highschool that had fundmentalist parents. my parents and her parents both forbade us to have sex. that was pretty cool, actually. we loved having sex behind everyone's back. it added so much excitement to the act. one night after her parents fell asleep, she snuck me into her house. we had sex in her room (which was right across from her parents room). i think when i have kids, i won't allow them to have sex in my house, and i'll threaten to punish them severely if they do. this way, they will get to experience the excitement that i experienced. ah, to be young again...

JulySheMustFly · Dec 20, 2005

I do promote abstenense, but have full knowledge that it is unlikely. I was not. They will not be like many kids of abstenece households who don't know anything about safe sex, the sexual organs, or the many other aspects of it. (The local Christian school where I grew up had a worse teen pregnancy ratio than my public school.)

On touching yourself, I sure hope I never catch my kids doing it just cause its embarassing for both parties. They wont be punished but if their is porn involved then I would create some kind of negative consequence.

Sex in my ouse for my children will not be accepted, but I don't want them to fear us for consequence of what we may do as punishment.

ChipperWoodchuck · Dec 20, 2005

In my humble opinion, punishing a child for masturbating is insane. Masturbation is normal, healthy, pleasurable and entirely acceptable. But, I also do not advocate abstinance. I think sex is normal, healthy, pleasurable and entirely acceptable, so long as contraception is used and everybody is consenting. I would NEVER punish my teen for having sex. I would just strongly encourage contraception and monogamy.

Electric Sceptic · Dec 20, 2005

rebelEnigma said:
Yes, I will (to all questions).

I find this very, very sad, and hope you never have children.

HeyHomie · Dec 21, 2005

Electric Sceptic said:
I find this very, very sad, and hope you never have children.

Ditto.

butterfoot · Dec 21, 2005

KatAutumn said:
The thread about whether or not you would allow your teens to have sex in your house got me thinking, so I wanted to start another thread.

I have heard of parents who keep a close check on whether or not their teens touch. I have heard stories of young men whose parents have punished them severely after being caught in the act.

So this question is to those of you who do/will expect their kids to abstain from sex until marriage. Do you/will you also teach your children not to touch and, if so, would you punish them if you caught them doing it?

Ok to answer your question, first of all this should be something if they are going to do it that is done behind closed and locked doors. I wouldn't punish them if I caught them. I can't tell you 100% what I would say or do until it actually happened. Here is to praying I never know.

-cw

katautumn · Dec 21, 2005

See, I wouldn't be angry that my son was masturbating. Of course, it would be horribly embarassing to catch him in the act, both for myself and for him and it would be an uncomfortable situation, but I would never condemn him or punish him for it.

ChristianCenturion · Dec 21, 2005

KatAutumn said:
... So this question is to those of you who do/will expect their kids to abstain from sex until marriage. Do you/will you also teach your children not to touch...

Correct, teach that masturbation is self-centered and wrong.

and, if so, would you punish them if you caught them doing it?

Communicate yes, punishment is impractical... although, if it were done in front of another child, involved some kind of perversion that was beyond the pale, created situations of physical risks, etc., I may see the need to punish them to knock some sense into them.
Why don't you ask this question to a parent that had their child die from erotic asphyxiation or something along those lines?

numberprophet · Dec 21, 2005

pantsman52 said:
I'm being reminded of that thread a while back where this girl was questioning her future marriage with a guy because he masturbated. She said that his mom caught him in the act, and his father beat him to the point where he was unconcious. It scares me that there are people out there that even care about masturbation, let alone punish the act.

haha!!! i remember that one too!

what a great thread.

Arnold_Philips · Dec 21, 2005

KatAutumn said:
The thread about whether or not you would allow your teens to have sex in your house got me thinking, so I wanted to start another thread.

I have heard of parents who keep a close check on whether or not their teens touch. I have heard stories of young men whose parents have punished them severely after being caught in the act.

So this question is to those of you who do/will expect their kids to abstain from sex until marriage. Do you/will you also teach your children not to touch and, if so, would you punish them if you caught them doing it?

I don't have children and don't know if I will, but should I catch my son or daughter masturbating, I would very quickly turn around, pretend I saw nothing, and never talk about it again.

Trillian · Dec 21, 2005

Arnold_Philips said:
I don't have children and don't know if I will, but should I catch my son or daughter masturbating, I would very quickly turn around, pretend I saw nothing, and never talk about it again.

And, one day when he was out of the house, I'd replace his door knob with one that locks.

Tril

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