I know I'm new and y'all don't really know my situation, but I could use prayer right now. I may have destroyed a 30 year friendship and am praying my friend is forgiving and loving enough to not walk away. He has been my rock, my main supporter in life the past few years, and we even had spoken of going out and seeing if there was more than friendship there for us. We feel an extremely close bond and had been talking about getting together for a while. We met briefly a while back, but for reasons I won't disclose (way too much story there...) we felt we had to hold back. The chemistry between us was amazing, and we talked later...found out that it was a mutual thing. We've been extremely honest in our feelings and both admitted that there was something between us and we wanted to eventually see one another again and see where we were led. We felt God had a purpose in re-introducing us and putting us back on one another's paths. (lost touch for 20 years) I have been having health problems lately and had an issue a few nights ago. I needed someone to support me through it and reached out to him. He came across as unavailable and dismissive...then I lost consciousness and all I had to go by was our text messages, as I have no more memory of that night. I asked him the next day to take some time that night to talk to me and fill me in on things and he gave me some information and said he may not be available later. I ended up getting very panicky that night, paranoid, worried...I sent a hurtful email to him explaining in detail how I felt. I was sure I was being avoided. I've never known anything else, as I've not had healthy relationships with men and my marriage was full of avoidance. This morning I got a sweet text message and realized I had made assumptions I shouldn't. I told him there was a message and he got excited...then I told him it was not a nice one. After he read it, he became hurt and angry. I don't know if he'll forgive me. One of my children had a medical issue and I let him know I'd be there taking care of them...he was concerned and interested in her wellbeing, but distant. Please pray that we can get past this, even as friends only....if that's what needs to happen. For you men out there....any insight on this? He says that I am bad about feeling down and doubting myself and questioning things...he's right. I've done that before, but never at this level. When I don't hear from him, I assume he's ignoring or avoiding me. I know now that I need to stop that and I will, but other than what I've already done...anything I can do to help mend things? I've apologized, explained my feelings and viewpoint, etc. I just want a chance to talk it over. Please pray for healing and forgiveness and any advice would be a bonus! Thanks all!
p.s. I was told today I have symptoms of clinical depression...informed him of that...not sure if that makes a difference.
p.s. I was told today I have symptoms of clinical depression...informed him of that...not sure if that makes a difference.