I don't know how to repent.
Please for a heart of repentance. Pray that I weep and wail over my sin. I do hate my lusts and perverted desires. It makes me sick. But I can't seem to change. Sometimes I close my eyes I get images in my head, lustful images.
Repentance is a turning from sin and a turning to God in faith. The Word of God tells us that our ways are evil, and we are to believe the Word of God (and Christ is the Word of God made flesh).
If you believe truly that the Word of God is true, then you will believe that sinful ways are wrong, and that they condemn us. If you truly believe, repent. Why will you perish, child of God, brother of and in Christ? This is how God causes us to come to faith; by showing us that our ways are evil and that our evil ways condemned us? We then realize the condemnation we are under, and come to God in faith in His Word (for Christ is the Word, and "faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word about Christ" (Romans 10:17)); Christ said He came to call sinners to repentance (Luke 5:32), and sin is breaking the Law of God (Romans 7:7; 1 John 3:4).
Therefore, if you believe in Christ, and if you believe that He said what He said, and thus you believe that what God has said throughout the bible and through Christ is true, then the Holy Spirit is in you, causing you to believe God’s Word. The Holy Spirit, Christ said, would lead us to the truth (John 16:13), and God's Word (including but not limited to the Law of God) is truth (Psalm 119:160); Christ is the Word of God (including but not limited to the Law of God) made flesh (John 1:14). Therefore the Spirit leads us to the Law of God, as Ezekiel wrote,
"I will also give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you shall keep my ordinances, and do them" (Ezekiel 36:26-27);
And as Jeremiah wrote,
"This is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says Yehowah: I will put my law in their inward parts, and in their heart will I write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people (Jeremiah 31:33).
Christians are a part of Israel,
"You were at one time separate from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of the promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off are made near in the blood of Christ. So then, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God (
Ephesians 2:12-13; 19).
This is how the Spirit of life in Christ Yeshua made us free from the Law of Sin and Death (
Romans 8:2): by bringing us to God by grace (which includes the undeserved forgiveness of sins) through faith in Christ. The faith proceeds, produces, and includes works of the Law. Works of the Law are not a separate part of faith, but are a part of it. This is why "He who does righteousness is righteous" (
1 John 3:7), because only those who practice the Law of God show that they believe the Word of God to be true. For if we say that we believe, but have no works, we show that our belief is false and that we don't believe that God's Word is true. And God's Law is not burdensome at all, either in the New Testament or the Old Testament (
Deuteronomy 30:11;
1 John 5:3).
Also, pray that God destroys the bitterness within my heart. I have been bitter towards people for past offences, and I don't know how to let it go. I keep playing all old arguments in my head. Then I curse at that person for offences they have done in the past.
I have even cursed my own parents, not to their face, but to myself. I am angry at them, as well, for past offences. I am a 37 year old man, and I have been on my own for years, and I am still angry at things that happened at the age of 10. There are times that I got in trouble where I did not believe that I should of gotten in trouble. I know this is pathetic.
I have gotten angry with believers. I won't go into details why. They did nothing wrong. It is just how I have viewed them in my mind. I have accused them of being self-righteous and arrogant. But only God knows what is in their hearts.
I am just bitter.
The truth is, I am the one who is arrogant and self-righteous. I have used the Bible to launch attacks on Christians. I would say, this is why you should not preach against my sin, look at yours. It is very easy to find fault in other people, and ignore my own.
My brother, I for almost a year was at enmity with my mother and my oldest biological brother until I talked with my brother, and learned that it was all a misunderstanding. In fact, they were just trying to help me, and I, in my fear of God, took it wrong and ended up bitter. I was consumed by self-righteousness and puffed up by pride, conceited, and many other forms of evil-until God made me free from it all (though it arises from time to time). Therefore, talk to the people that you're bitter with or angry with; confess your sins and feelings to them. It truly does help. But be careful if you don't do this and remain in this evil, for it may be your doom. And don't say, "But I will ruin my reputation." For if your reputation will cause you to sin, do what Christ Yeshua said and cut off. It is better to lose some reputation than to keep it and burn. Ask God for help as well as Christ and the Spirit of God. They will help you. God has said, "I will never leave you nor will I forsake you."
"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life remaining in him" (1 John 3:15).
But,
If you by the Spirit put to death the deeds of the body, you will live (Romans 8:13).
What I've found is that, when I feel bitter or any form of anger at someone, I can look on them with love. Find a way to do this. Then you will overcome evil with good.
Never justify your sin. If a brother points out your sin, thank them and God.
If God is disciplining you, "Do not forget the exhortation which reasons with you as with a child,
'My son, don’t take lightly the chastening of Yehowah,
nor lose heart when you are rebuked by him;
For whom Yehowah loves, He chastens,
and He scourges every son whom He receives.'
God deals with you as with a child. And what son is there whom his father doesn’t discipline? If you are without discipline, of which all have been made partakers, then are you illegitimate, and not a child. Furthermore, we had the fathers of our flesh to chasten us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? For they indeed, for a few days, punished us as seemed good to them; but God disciplines us for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness. All chastening seems for the present to be not joyous but grievous; yet afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been exercised thereby."
"And without holiness we will not see God" (
Hebrews 12:14).
Therefore,
"lift up the hands that hang down and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that which is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed" (
Hebrews 12:5-12), for "no one can come to Christ unless the Father who sent Him draws them. And those who believe in Christ have eternal life. All those whom the Father gives to Christ will come to Him, and those who come to Christ will by no means be cast away" (
John 6:37; 44; 47).
We can see therefore that God called you to Christ. Not to condemn you, but to save you. And "He who started a good work in you will finish it" (
Philippians 1:6). So repent, turn from evil, and pray for forgiveness. God will heal you. Ask Christ for help. I hope this helps.
שלום