Permanent Impotence

Sir Robbins · May 24, 2015

I am still after 3 years awaiting any kind of diagnosis on a mysterious disease they think is MS. One of the rather sad and frustrating symptoms is there is permanent nerve damage in the penis and I have not only lost the ability to feel the urge to urinate but have lost the ability for erections, ever. I still have a drive, yet, I cannot do anything with it. The urologist said there is not a way to repair nerve damage and if the brain cannot communicate with a part of the body, I have to live with it. How do you go out in life explaining to someone you can't have sex, kids, ect at 25 and expect to find someone? Is even attempting to date worth it? I have never dated in my life and this condition certainly will keep me from doing so. My depression has caused the desire to pretty much fade away so the drive is not an issue really but the reality of being alone for life kind of is. I was from a family of attention and affection. The last 7 years, I have had ZERO of either of those. Does anyone else have something like this? I am basically in the involuntary celibacy category except that I actually cannot change it.

Kristen.NewCreation · May 25, 2015

There is such difficulty in learning that our body betrays us, and that nothing stops the process or no repairs can be done.

I think that not dating misses out on the potential relationship that could be a permanent one. While sex is a perk of marriage, it is not the basis nor main focus of marriage. Should you find the one you are in a place where this would be important to share, you will have already started to love each other for who you are, not because of sex.

There are ways to be sexual without having sex. Seeking counsel from a sex therapist should you find the one you love who would be willing to stand beside you is always an option. There may be techniques that a counselor can work with a couple on to help them adjust to situations such as yours, to pleasure each other, depending upon what you really want.

I hope others who have something similar will respond to you. Perhaps they can share what they've learned about themselves, and at the very least, allows you to be supportive of each other.

Sir Robbins · May 27, 2015

While your suggestions are nice, I am avoiding any sexual contact possible. There will be no counselor or therapy as I do not want anything to do with the subject not just because I physically can't but because I just don't want to be that close to someone. Never doing that. Too many people have betrayed, humiliated and insulted me for who I am. Thanks for the response though. I feel my inability may be a gift. It makes me undesirable to others and that keeps the weight off my shoulders of having to say no, be told no and so on.

Matthias Rose · Jun 23, 2015

Hi SirRobbins: if you you feel this is a gift, an opportunity to open your heart into a state of spiritual celibacy, then that IS a gift!

In your original post, however, it did not sound like a gift. It sounded like there was a lot of frustration and grief. As Kristen pointed out, there are ways to be sexual without an erection. You *can* give and receive sexual pleasure, including [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. And unless you are no longer producing sperm at all, you can probably even have children.

I don't want to convince you that you should do any of those things: perhaps that is not your path, and you are right to steer toward a life of celibate commitment to God. But I encourage you not to do so out of fear -- fear of rejection, fear of disappointing someone -- or out of a place in which you do not believe yourself to be worthy of relationship. You do have options: and whatever option you choose, if you choose it out of love and enthusiasm, it will work out perfectly for you, I am sure.

Sir Robbins · Jun 24, 2015

Thanks for the reply Matthias. What I meant by "gift" was that I would not ever have to endure the difficulties of relationships since I would never have one and with all of the chaos in this day and age, I don't feel it's such a bad thing. I get to sit back and watch the problems from a distance rather than experience them and but at the same time, watch the success of some and never have that either. I am by no means voluntarily celibate and may even fall into the involuntary celibate category by circumstance more than choice. I have no interest in receiving or giving any kind of sexual pleasure. I know that's where my fault lies on top of the medical complications. The ideal relationship for me is one that is free of any kind of romantic stuff. I don't like being touched, not hugged, kissed or anything, even from family. It makes me extremely anxious, uncomfortable and just unnatural to me. I prefer to avoid simple hand shakes too. I just don't want to be "that close" to another person which again, is the reason I saw my situation as a gift because it makes me untouchable by others so to speak. It makes me unappealing which leaves me to my own ways and life without others which is better than having to deal with others. I want no part of or anything to do with kids. I avoid places with lots of kids as I get extremely anxious around babies crying and uncomfortable around kids.

Matthias Rose · Jun 25, 2015

SirRobbins -- you might want to research Social Anxiety Disorder. Obviously not something that can be diagnosed over the internet! And whatever you choose to do with the reality of the life you are living is wholly your choice.

I recognize the substantial hardship that you are experiencing, and will pray for peace of mind and spirit.

If there is any other support we can offer you in this venue, please know that you have been heard, and yours is a difficult road. But God gives us challenges for a reason, and it may be that the challenges you face have yet to open into the fullness of possibility for your service to the divine.

dude99 · Jul 12, 2015

Sir Robbins said:
Thanks for the reply Matthias. What I meant by "gift" was that I would not ever have to endure the difficulties of relationships since I would never have one and with all of the chaos in this day and age, I don't feel it's such a bad thing. I get to sit back and watch the problems from a distance rather than experience them and but at the same time, watch the success of some and never have that either. I am by no means voluntarily celibate and may even fall into the involuntary celibate category by circumstance more than choice. I have no interest in receiving or giving any kind of sexual pleasure. I know that's where my fault lies on top of the medical complications. The ideal relationship for me is one that is free of any kind of romantic stuff. I don't like being touched, not hugged, kissed or anything, even from family. It makes me extremely anxious, uncomfortable and just unnatural to me. I prefer to avoid simple hand shakes too. I just don't want to be "that close" to another person which again, is the reason I saw my situation as a gift because it makes me untouchable by others so to speak. It makes me unappealing which leaves me to my own ways and life without others which is better than having to deal with others. I want no part of or anything to do with kids. I avoid places with lots of kids as I get extremely anxious around babies crying and uncomfortable around kids.

I believe it is very important to see a doctor about it and a psychologist about the problems of not wishing to be touched, hugged or kissed.

Do you go to a church? Plus it is highly recommended you mention your condition to your church pastor if you do go to church.

I will pray for you and God bless

Sir Robbins · Jul 13, 2015

I would see a specialist if I had the time or the motivation to do so. I am not involved in any church after years of frustration and disappointment with them. I don't feel bad or regret not going either as it never did anything for me to begin with. I have pretty horrid memories in them too but that is more due to my father rather than the actual churches themselves. I feel I'm better off this way and of course, I started this thread to see if anyone else was in this same or similar boat. It was never what I wanted be then again, who ever really gets what they want? It's a matter of what God wants for us and it's possible I may be dismissing it and not even know it. There is some deep soul searching to do on my part. Thanks for your time and replies all.

dude99 · Jul 14, 2015

Sir Robbins said:
I would see a specialist if I had the time or the motivation to do so. I am not involved in any church after years of frustration and disappointment with them. I don't feel bad or regret not going either as it never did anything for me to begin with. I have pretty horrid memories in them too but that is more due to my father rather than the actual churches themselves. I feel I'm better off this way and of course, I started this thread to see if anyone else was in this same or similar boat. It was never what I wanted be then again, who ever really gets what they want? It's a matter of what God wants for us and it's possible I may be dismissing it and not even know it. There is some deep soul searching to do on my part. Thanks for your time and replies all.

Anyway the Lord values you and you are favoured: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I encourage you to see a specialist. Of course you can be busy. Also I encourage you to attend a church. I know you stated you did not have a good experience with church, but not all churches are alike. When I was your age I did not go to church but saw myself as a Christian. However since I went back to church there has been a huge growth in my christian life. The church I go to now is different from what I attended when I was a child. I prayed for the Lord to lead me to a church and he did lead me to a home church with great people. Of course no church is perfect, but the church is the hope of the world. Christians that attend church are not perfect but are forgiven. Of course not everyone that attends church is a christian eithe

Also when I was your age I often locked myself in my room and isolated from myself of the world. For me I did not see it as a healthy life.

Anyway you are loved and Jesus truly loves you. He can be your best friend and will always be with you and never forsake you.

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