Passive vs. Active

Carri20 · Jun 13, 2005

It is my understanding that there are two main beliefs about how to meet the person you'll eventually marry--I'll call them "passive" and "active". The passive side believes that if they pray and submit everything to God, he will bring their future spouse to them without any effort on their part. Even if a person never leaves their house, the passive side believes God will literally bring Mr. or Mrs. Right to their front door. The active side, on the other hand, believes that prayer must be accompanied by effort. They believe a person should pray and then go out into the world and intentionally try to meet people who could either become or connect them with potential dates. So my question is, which side do you take and why? Is either side wrong? And if you take the passive side, do you believe that posting ads on Christian matchmaking sites is morally wrong?

Thanks for your input!

lady_of_god · Jun 13, 2005

I don't think there is a "wrong" approach but i tend to take on the active one. I think that you should pray for a companion but you shouldn't sit in a dark corner and hope someone comes your way and says "your the person i've been dreaming of my whole entire life). I think it's great to put yourself in a position to meet people (personal ads, outings, events, etc). Being active is great because your keeping busy, learning, and experiencing different things. I'm not a person who likes to stay put and wait around (I did that for most of my short 21 years on the planet).

-Lady

invisiblebabe · Jun 13, 2005

Active, definitely.

Think about it. If you pray, "God, make me an Olympic level gymnast!!" and sit on your behind in your room, never even trying to work out, believing God will magically grant you that level of talent.... umm yeah... what do you think will happen? (say it with me people: Nothing!!!)

Same principle applies to relationships, I believe.

findinghope06 · Jun 13, 2005

invisiblebabe said:
Active, definitely.

Think about it. If you pray, "God, make me an Olympic level gymnast!!" and sit on your behind in your room, never even trying to work out, believing God will magically grant you that level of talent.... umm yeah... what do you think will happen? (say it with me people: Nothing!!!)

Same principle applies to relationships, I believe.

i agree completely!

mina · Jun 14, 2005

I think it takes a merge of both. You have to be active in life (not nessacerally fishing around for potential dates), and you have to be praying and trusting God. I don't think hiding in your house is the right approach and I don't think despretely seeking every potential out is the right way either. So I guess I'm a middle of the road kind of person. I do think prayer is an active thing however. There is no power in our lives apart from prayer, even in matters of the heart. It is never God's intention for us to shut ourselves away and not interact with others for any reason.

Marissa · Jun 14, 2005

I have to agree with Mina. I'm right down the middle. I am not actively looking as described in the OP. I'm out and about, but not seeking every date I can get. If anything I have a very laid back attitude. I pray about it and I put it in Gods hands. Then I get on with my life. Which includes leaving the house, and by extension meeting people.

BeautyForAshes · Jun 14, 2005

I conur with other posters that say its a bit of both. I know me personally, I've given this up to God to handle and just stopped worrying about it, but I still continue to get out do activities, look nice, smile ( ), be socialble and what not.

WalksWithChrist · Jun 14, 2005

I took the passive approach most of the time and things worked out more often than not. I agree that a "blended" tack is the best tho. Some people respond well to one or the other so use your judgement. The one time I asked a girl out over the phone without meeting her (we were coworkers at different locations) we actually went out a few times! That was a shock to me. = )

JPPT1974 · Jun 14, 2005

Marissa said:
I have to agree with Mina. I'm right down the middle. I am not actively looking as described in the OP. I'm out and about, but not seeking every date I can get. If anything I have a very laid back attitude. I pray about it and I put it in Gods hands. Then I get on with my life. Which includes leaving the house, and by extension meeting people.

I tend to have a laid-back attitude myself and also put everything in the hands of the Lord and let Him take care of me regardless of what happens in my life.

Sketcher · Jun 14, 2005

The passive extreme you mentioned is not the place to be, and I don't beleive that is how faith really works. However, on the other extreme is over-active: going out looking for something when God clearly tells you He's not in it, claiming a promise that He never promised you, or disregarding Him altogether and just doing whatever. The "active faith" we need should be more like Nehmiah's - He prayed, and took practical steps rooted in faith in God in accordance with His word. When he said to remember the Lord and fight (Neh 4:14), that is precisely what he was doing.

london boy · Jun 14, 2005

There is no right or wrong, but you need to get the balance right. The problem with being active is that some of us end up seeing everyone we get to know on a deeper level as a potential spouse. The key to this is being open and letting God take control over your emotions. I came to faith in a church where dating wasn't allowed and so am now adjusting to the fact that I am free to do so, but I would only date someone I would want to marry. I always try to get to know someone well before I start praying for them as a possible wife. I've made many mistakes by being myself and wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I'm persevering with the knowledge that God will bless someone with me and whatever avenue it takes to get there, ultimately it will be worth it

B®ent · Jun 14, 2005

I am passive -- I am not looking for a date. I believe friendship should come long before dating. However, often I do get a little overboard and I end up flirting, particularly with the type of girl I'm not interested in.

In principle I am passive; but sadly I loose sight of that all too often.

Johannes

Niels · Jun 14, 2005

While God may provide the circumstances, I think it's up to us to act on the opportunities he provides.

God may provide the fish, but it's still up to the fisherman to cast the line or net. This also applies to other matters.

WalksWithChrist · Jun 15, 2005

mrkguy75 said:
While God may provide the circumstances, I think it's up to us to act on the opportunities he provides.

God may provide the fish, but it's still up to the fisherman to cast the line or net. This also applies to other matters.

Yup. = ) God put my fiancee right in front of me but I had to open my mouth and talk to her. ; )

JPPT1974 · Jun 15, 2005

mrkguy75 said:
While God may provide the circumstances, I think it's up to us to act on the opportunities he provides.

God may provide the fish, but it's still up to the fisherman to cast the line or net. This also applies to other matters.

It helps us to grow stronger in Him and that we need to place our faith in Him regardless of the situations He put us in.

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