- Dec 8, 2004
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I know that even though my abuser lives a court up from me, its highly unlikely he would ever abuse me again. It's highly unlikely my boyf would ever abuse me, but since he's been away my paranoia has got really bad. Im really paranoid that my boyf may hurt me in some way when he comes back, and that it could lead to what happened when i was younger...even though i know thats ridiculous and have all the trust i can manage in my boyf (trust is a huge issue for me). But its a paranoia i cant shake off.
My other paranoia is now stopping me going out alone, but its now invaded my dreams, creating a cycle where my paranoia has now got worse. Whenever i go out im scared that im being followed by someone who wants to hurt me, im scared of every passer by as i think they want to kill me, im scared of entering a dark room because im scared theres someone in there waiting to hurt me. I know this is totally irrational, but it feels so real.
I havent really told anyone about this in real life because i feel so stupid, but its really starting to get at me, and i know its connected to my abuse...i just wish it wasnt...cus its making me feel like im werid...and alone.
My other paranoia is now stopping me going out alone, but its now invaded my dreams, creating a cycle where my paranoia has now got worse. Whenever i go out im scared that im being followed by someone who wants to hurt me, im scared of every passer by as i think they want to kill me, im scared of entering a dark room because im scared theres someone in there waiting to hurt me. I know this is totally irrational, but it feels so real.
I havent really told anyone about this in real life because i feel so stupid, but its really starting to get at me, and i know its connected to my abuse...i just wish it wasnt...cus its making me feel like im werid...and alone.