Oops......yeah....forgot to bite my tongue!

Vicissa · Sep 24, 2007

I also posted this in the WD, but figured I'd get some guy responses.

Well today hasn't started out on the greatest note, but I'm hopeful it will get better. This morning the DH has to take out the laundry, and we have LOTS of it.

And this situation is the introduction to the "fun" I had this morning....and my more fun response.

Well I'm helping carry out the smaller baskets, and when he comes out with his hands full, he says "Well you're helping me out alot, you could've moved the car closer to the door." (We live at an apartment complex, and I parked about 50 feet further than I normally do.)

So I tell him, "Did you ask me to move the car?? I'm not a mind reader."

His response: "Well it's not that difficult, common sense would tell you to move it."

And this is the part that earns me brownie points.....my response: "*&^% off."

I was angry, felt like my intelligence was insulted and just went with the first thought that came to my mind. So much for biting my tongue.....how's that for a christian response?

Any insight, advice??? I'm asking, so please do tell. And don't worry, as long as you don't insult me, I won't tell you the same thing. Just joking.

Redguard · Sep 24, 2007

You'll find that conversations become a lot easier for both of you once you make it a rule to eliminate all forms of sarcasm.

For your husband, his sarcastic remark could have easily been replaced with a simple request like, "Darling wife... can you go grab the keys and bring the car closer please?"

And for you, the "I'm not a mind reader" part goes without saying.

Redguard · Sep 24, 2007

Oh, another thing.

When I was a kid, my parents had one of those really cheesy "inspiration" type paintings up on the wall (it was more of a photograph of mountaintops rather than a painting).

Anyway, on the bottom it said, "Speak kind words, and you will hear kind echoes."

I've tried as much as possible to make that one of my personal rules in life. I can think of many situations where it's brought me great benefits.

mrsperez · Sep 24, 2007

I agree with Red, sarcasm is just asking for trouble. But I only speak from experience, and I have to work on that myself.

On another note, it's taken me a while, but certain words don't come out of my mouth anymore, not even in anger. Of course, I couldn't do it without the Lord. I've prayed really hard about it.

What can I say, I'm a work in progress.

Tuffguy · Sep 24, 2007

Cursing at each other is really a sign of discust or detest for each other. Nip that in the bud. It is definitely a bad sign.

You should have been the better person and just said, "ok".

DonaldOrwinRenKern · Sep 24, 2007

Vicissa said:
I also posted this in the WD, but figured I'd get some guy responses.

Well today hasn't started out on the greatest note, but I'm hopeful it will get better. This morning the DH has to take out the laundry, and we have LOTS of it.

And this situation is the introduction to the "fun" I had this morning....and my more fun response.

Well I'm helping carry out the smaller baskets, and when he comes out with his hands full, he says "Well you're helping me out alot, you could've moved the car closer to the door." (We live at an apartment complex, and I parked about 50 feet further than I normally do.)

So I tell him, "Did you ask me to move the car?? I'm not a mind reader."

His response: "Well it's not that difficult, common sense would tell you to move it."

And this is the part that earns me brownie points.....my response: "*&^% off."

I was angry, felt like my intelligence was insulted and just went with the first thought that came to my mind. So much for biting my tongue.....how's that for a christian response?

Any insight, advice??? I'm asking, so please do tell. And don't worry, as long as you don't insult me, I won't tell you the same thing. Just joking.

I think you should have punched him in the face... Maybe thrown the baskets on the ground and screamed at him to pick it up. Then ran to the house and locked him out.

or you could live with the fact that you said something we have all said at one point or time. Don't beat your self up about it, but I don't imagine Christ was a regular at this language, although if he had been - it would give a whole new meaning to being Christ like.

It's been my personal experience that when stuff like this happens it's because there is an underlying frustration about something else... I don't think it's disgust... But I'm sure there is something bigger than the car being an extra 50 feet away.

GutterRat · Sep 24, 2007

......what's the problem?

Mskedi · Sep 24, 2007

I'd agree with those that say sarcasm is going to cause problems.

Both of you said some things you shouldn't have, though. I'd personally address it to see if it could be avoided in the future.

Autumnleaf · Sep 25, 2007

Vicissa said:
Any insight, advice??? I'm asking, so please do tell. And don't worry, as long as you don't insult me, I won't tell you the same thing. Just joking.

He was as tired and irritated as you were. You both acted similarly poorly. The first one to initiate makeup... wins.

Brotherfromanothermother · Sep 25, 2007

Autumnleaf said:
He was as tired and irritated as you were. You both acted similarly poorly. The first one to initiate makeup... wins.

GodrockDJ · Sep 25, 2007

Autumnleaf said:
He was as tired and irritated as you were. You both acted similarly poorly. The first one to initiate makeup... wins.

What do they win, a gold star?

Hey you're already over the hard part - you know you made a mistake and you want to fix it. Just go to him when he's had some time to relax and apologize sincerely. Hopefully he will accept and forgive you and you can move on. If he decides to be grumpy, hold a grudge, or drag it out - don't play that game. You've done what you need to do at that point. He'll come around eventually

Bunnaroo · Sep 26, 2007

If I translated what you said correctly, then the situation would have been different for us. After 15 years of marriage, that phrase would have been taken literally. The object of the phrase would have asked, "Really?" and start heading to the bedroom...

All joking aside, I agree about sarcasm - "Urg..." Also, it's true about mind reading. Most of the time we think someone's mad at us when they're actually upset about something else, like the lack of doughnuts in the kitchen. I'll borrow from Howard Tayler's Schlock Mercenary. (http://www.schlockmercenary.com) One of the Habits of Highly Effective Pirates is "A little kindness goes a long way... so use it sparingly."

clycleader · Sep 27, 2007

I agree w/ the sarcasm part. I try really hard not to be sarcastic, but hey, it happens. A few years ago (prior to being saved and also when I worked in a corrections facility) I learned to be super sarcastic and really quick witted. It was fun then. You'd verbally spar w/ your co-workers and they back at you. BUT.... when it came to my husband, he didn't care for it much. AND, now that I'm saved, it just dosen't seem like a nice thing to do to the human that I love the most. Although sometimes I slip and let a bad word or two (insert sarcastic expression here) come out, I try hard not to do it.
I also agree about the "make up" time. First one initiate make up gets the gold star.

bliz · Sep 27, 2007

A few weeks ago my husband went off on one of his rare tirades and was lecturing me for failing to awaken him as early as he wished to be awakened on Saturday morning. Mind you, he had not told me when he wanted to get up, and he almost nightly sets an alarm on his cell phone every night.

So, why was I being lectured for not getting him up???

"Darling, #$*&# off." seemed a very appropriate response. And he had the good graces to laugh at it.

Oops......yeah....forgot to bite my tongue!

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