Hello, I'm from Brazil, I'm still learning English, so I'll use Google Translate. Well, I'd like to hear some advice because I don't know what to do anymore.I was diagnosed with OCD in 2019. I went to the psychiatrist for free. In Brazil, we have a public medical system, but it takes a while to schedule an appointment. Anyway, I went to the psychiatrist and he quickly said it was OCD, because the symptoms were clear. He prescribed me some medicine and told me to go to therapy, but I didn't care about the severity of the problem and didn't seek therapy. I went back to the doctor again and he said everything was fine. That was at the end of 2019, and then 2020 came and the pandemic hit and everything closed. Brazil only returned to normal in 2022. But I had already come to terms with the disorder.I got used to it, and I was managing to live much better, so I neglected the treatment. In this period from 2019 until today I have had several OCD issues. But what is killing me is the religious one. In 2019, I converted to Christianity, just me, my family and group of friends, so I was "alone", me and OCD, so ocd fed and created a false God in my mind and I related to this false God, I was alone and could only ask questions on the internet. Well, 2022 passed (I met Christian people) and then in 2023 I started attending a church, but I didn't tell anyone in the church that I had OCD because I was afraid people wouldn't understand. But I stayed in that church for a year, getting to know it and OCD killing me more and more. Here's where the problems begin: I live in the interior of Brazil, in my city there are few churches. I started attending one, but I didn't have communion, I felt invisible, it was very bad, it hurts me a lot. I spoke to the pastor, and took the opportunity to talk about OCD, but that was it. It didn't change, I continued to feel invisible. , I went looking for another church, and the same thing happened, invisible. I don't want to be like a superstar, but basic things. I'm without a church. Another problem, the OCD became a huge snowball, I can't do anything anymore, I can't read the Bible, pray properly, listen to praise, the OCD kind of traumatized me. I don't know what else to do, I really wanted to believe, but I don't think I can, I'm trapped in a cage, I can't connect with GOD, it's all very difficult for me. I can't stand so many doubts anymore, I'm always having doubts about Christianity, like I want to have an answer for everything, I can't have a doubt. I can't look at God, I always think he's disappointed in me, sometimes I feel like I need time, like a turtle's pace, you know, one step at a time, but I don't see God like that, I just think of God rushing me, telling me to do and do and do. I don't have money to pay for therapy, and I wanted to work, but with this mindset, I can't. I'm stuck in this cycle. I'm losing hope in life, my dreams are fading away. How am I going to go to college like this? OCD is attacking my gastric system. I have gas and nausea. College is in another city. Since I'm going to travel, my OCD is going to tell me that I'm going to get sick on the way.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I NEED HELP. DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A FREE RESOURCE?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I NEED HELP. DOES ANYONE KNOW OF A FREE RESOURCE?