NOTHING RIGHT

ANGELA CHERRY said:

I dont think of him as controlling. he just has a very assertive personality.

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Controlling by another name. He gets (only) what he wants - if that is true it is control pure and simple.

John
NZ

ANGELA CHERRY said:

I dont think of him as controlling. he just has a very assertive personality.

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Angela - this is a great attitude! Now if he was telling you what to cook, how to cook it, when to have it on the table, and how to place the napkins, that would be controlling - I didn't see that in your OP. Assertive personalities tend to be "blunt" at times and can be tactless. It's the enemy using our strengths against us or in negative ways to cause strife!

I'm guessing he need to learn to be move sensitive to your feelings - and a lot of men have to grow into this as part of their spiritual transformation/journey. Pray earnestly for him to love you as Christ loves the Church! Trust God to convict him (I'm assuming he is in relation with Jesus of course).

My husband's favorite meal is frozen pizza, and although I think I can cook tasty, healthy meals, I just go with the frozen pizza at least once a week! If you can afford to eat out.. that's great.. you don't have to clean the kitchen and usually have left overs, so make the most of it.

I'm so sorry. Your case sounds like a textbook example on why marrying your best friend is a bad idea.

I always get a concerned feeling when the OP's like this never return

Gwen-is-new! said:

Angela - this is a great attitude! Now if he was telling you what to cook, how to cook it, when to have it on the table, and how to place the napkins, that would be controlling

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There's something called "gaslighting" and "subtle covert abuse".....which a LOT of psychologists will say is the most damaging. You're right....he's not coming right out and communicating *what* he'd like, but I find this is worse. Instead....he is causing her to chase her tail trying to figure out the problem (on her own) and how to solve it (again....on her own). Others might call it "denial" (or lack of awareness.....a blind spot).....not a "good attitude".

Abusers carefully take inventory of others. Just in case someone is reading this that's in a similar situation to the OP, another good resource (IMO) is Leslie Vernick's page (and books): The Emotionally Destructive Marriage - Leslie Vernick- Christ-Centered Counseling

Use caution when using the internet, though.....as your conversations may not be private.