Need healing from God but I can't get it

headphones777 · Jun 28, 2025

So last year things happened to me that really messed me up both spiritually. It's a long story but I believe it had to do with demonic oppression. I began to have blasphemous intrusive thoughts and even though I have tried to resist it, it's like those blasphemous thoughts have become a part of me. Now I feel I cannot undo the damage the demons did to my soul and I feel like a ruined soul, like what's use of trying. I have asked the Lord for healing but I don't get it, I cannot discern his voice anymore, it's like I am so mentally unwell. I just want the pain to end. I have had my dreams crushed over and over again. I'm also afraid over the state of my soul and that God will send me to Hell because sometimes I feel like I am going there but then again maybe that's my insanity talking. I attend confession almost every week. My life has been one big nightmare, only a few glimpses of consolation and light, and I do not understand why this is. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't understand why God won't heal me through the Eucharist and Confession, because even though I attend the sacraments and pray the Rosary regularly there is no change or healing. I feel like I cannot feel the Holy Spirit anymore and no matter what prayer I do, it just doesn't do anything for me. Currently I feel so dark in my soul and my body is not well either. I don't understand why God would let me go through all of this nightmare (because there was some demonic stuff last year) just for nothing. I'm still sick, depressed, schizophrenic and spiritually unsound. I'm not strong enough to go to Heaven, it would take several miracles with my soul and health for me to get there but God refuses to grant those miracles. My prayers are not working. I need a breakthrough that has been due for 5+ years now. I'm considering switching denominations because I want to encounter the Holy Spirit (like in the pentecostal movement) and I do not get anything from the Catholic Mass, I want healing and deliverance and breakthrough. But my Catholic guilt keeps me away from those denominations like there is this fanatic subconscious voice that tells me "The Catholic Church is the only true church and if you go to another one you are committing a mortal sin and you will go to Hell". What should I do?

Michie · Jun 28, 2025

headphones777 said:
So last year things happened to me that really messed me up both spiritually. It's a long story but I believe it had to do with demonic oppression. I began to have blasphemous intrusive thoughts and even though I have tried to resist it, it's like those blasphemous thoughts have become a part of me. Now I feel I cannot undo the damage the demons did to my soul and I feel like a ruined soul, like what's use of trying. I have asked the Lord for healing but I don't get it, I cannot discern his voice anymore, it's like I am so mentally unwell. I just want the pain to end. I have had my dreams crushed over and over again. I'm also afraid over the state of my soul and that God will send me to Hell because sometimes I feel like I am going there but then again maybe that's my insanity talking. I attend confession almost every week. My life has been one big nightmare, only a few glimpses of consolation and light, and I do not understand why this is. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't understand why God won't heal me through the Eucharist and Confession, because even though I attend the sacraments and pray the Rosary regularly there is no change or healing. I feel like I cannot feel the Holy Spirit anymore and no matter what prayer I do, it just doesn't do anything for me. Currently I feel so dark in my soul and my body is not well either. I don't understand why God would let me go through all of this nightmare (because there was some demonic stuff last year) just for nothing. I'm still sick, depressed, schizophrenic and spiritually unsound. I'm not strong enough to go to Heaven, it would take several miracles with my soul and health for me to get there but God refuses to grant those miracles. My prayers are not working. I need a breakthrough that has been due for 5+ years now. I'm considering switching denominations because I want to encounter the Holy Spirit (like in the pentecostal movement) and I do not get anything from the Catholic Mass, I want healing and deliverance and breakthrough. But my Catholic guilt keeps me away from those denominations like there is this fanatic subconscious voice that tells me "The Catholic Church is the only true church and if you go to another one you are committing a mortal sin and you will go to Hell". What should I do?

Are you Catholic? It says you’re Christian but nothing about being Catholic. Catholicism is not considered a denomination but the Church founded by Christ. You must take your mental illness into account. I hope you are taking your medication and I pray for your discernment and recovery. I really do not think church shopping will help much. I think sticking to your meds and seeking out some spiritual guidance within the Church would be better in the long run.

headphones777 · Jun 28, 2025

Michie said:
Are you Catholic? It says you’re Christian but nothing about being Catholic. Catholicism is not considered a denomination but the Church founded by Christ. You must take your mental illness into account. I hope you are taking your medication and I pray for your discernment and recovery. I really do not think church shopping will help much. I think sticking to your meds and seeking out some spiritual guidance within the Church would be better in the long run.

I am Catholic. I understand your point of view, it is sensible. But why then, if I have a mental illness, does God let me suffer with this illness? What is the justification here? It has only ruined my life. Christ healed people in the Gospels, why can't he heal me?

Michie · Jun 28, 2025

headphones777 said:
I am Catholic. I understand your point of view, it is sensible. But why then, if I have a mental illness, does God let me suffer with this illness? What is the justification here? It has only ruined my life. Christ healed people in the Gospels, why can't he heal me?

My sister suffers from schizophrenia. I can’t answer your question. I just pray she remains functional and God gives her some peace of mind. I know she seeks spiritual help through her Church as well as professional mental health care. I think you doing the same would be extremely helpful to begin with. I know struggling with that disease makes it difficult for patients to want to stay on their meds.

headphones777 · Jun 29, 2025

Michie said:
My sister suffers from schizophrenia. I can’t answer your question. I just pray she remains functional and God gives her some peace of mind. I know she seeks spiritual help through her Church as well as professional mental health care. I think you doing the same would be extremely helpful to begin with. I know struggling with that disease makes it difficult for patients to want to stay on their meds.

I have done all of that and things have only gotten worse the past 10 years. Why does everyone tell me that like it's something sensational? The medicine just poisons you. This illness is a diabolical curse and there is nothing holy or virtuos about it. It's just [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] and it has made my life [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

healingsongprayers · Jun 30, 2025

Hi there, thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. That much pain, confusion, and spiritual exhaustion is incredibly hard to carry. I’m really sorry it’s been like this for so long. I can tell you’ve been fighting and trying so hard, even when it feels like nothing is changing. That alone is a sign of your deep faith, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

First, please know: you are not a ruined soul. Intrusive thoughts, mental illness, and spiritual dryness do not separate you from the love of God. They are not your fault, and they are not evidence that you’re going to hell. Mental illness can be so loud that it drowns out everything else, especially our sense of peace, clarity, and God's presence. But that doesn’t mean He’s gone. In fact, He is especially close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), even when we can't feel Him.

You’re allowed to be angry, confused, tired, and still be held in God’s love. The sacraments are beautiful, but they aren’t magic potions. Sometimes, the healing we beg for doesn’t arrive in the way or time we hope. That doesn’t mean you’re being ignored. It means your suffering is part of a deep mystery. One God understands, even when we can’t.

You mentioned switching denominations, and I just want to say: seeking healing is not a sin. If you feel drawn to a place where you might experience the Holy Spirit more tangibly (in prayer, in worship, in community), it’s okay to explore that. God is bigger than any one tradition, and He honors the seeker who chases after Him with sincerity. No one who reaches for Him with an honest heart will be cast away. Please don’t let guilt paralyze your growth or silence your hunger for healing.

You are not alone. Please consider talking to a trauma-informed priest or Christian therapist who understands scrupulosity and religious OCD. You deserve support from people who see the whole you, not just your symptoms.

You are still beloved. You are still wanted. And even now, in the darkness, God has not let go of you. I'm praying that breakthrough comes — but even before it does, I’m praying you know you’re not beyond reach. There’s still light ahead.

With so much love,
Magdalena

headphones777 · Jul 4, 2025

healingsongprayers said:
Hi there, thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. That much pain, confusion, and spiritual exhaustion is incredibly hard to carry. I’m really sorry it’s been like this for so long. I can tell you’ve been fighting and trying so hard, even when it feels like nothing is changing. That alone is a sign of your deep faith, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

First, please know: you are not a ruined soul. Intrusive thoughts, mental illness, and spiritual dryness do not separate you from the love of God. They are not your fault, and they are not evidence that you’re going to hell. Mental illness can be so loud that it drowns out everything else, especially our sense of peace, clarity, and God's presence. But that doesn’t mean He’s gone. In fact, He is especially close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), even when we can't feel Him.

You’re allowed to be angry, confused, tired, and still be held in God’s love. The sacraments are beautiful, but they aren’t magic potions. Sometimes, the healing we beg for doesn’t arrive in the way or time we hope. That doesn’t mean you’re being ignored. It means your suffering is part of a deep mystery. One God understands, even when we can’t.

You mentioned switching denominations, and I just want to say: seeking healing is not a sin. If you feel drawn to a place where you might experience the Holy Spirit more tangibly (in prayer, in worship, in community), it’s okay to explore that. God is bigger than any one tradition, and He honors the seeker who chases after Him with sincerity. No one who reaches for Him with an honest heart will be cast away. Please don’t let guilt paralyze your growth or silence your hunger for healing.

You are not alone. Please consider talking to a trauma-informed priest or Christian therapist who understands scrupulosity and religious OCD. You deserve support from people who see the whole you, not just your symptoms.

You are still beloved. You are still wanted. And even now, in the darkness, God has not let go of you. I'm praying that breakthrough comes — but even before it does, I’m praying you know you’re not beyond reach. There’s still light ahead.

With so much love,
Magdalena

Thank you very much for a beautiful reply, Magdalena.
Your post is very sensible and gave me a small sense of consolation.
I pray that the Lord sees the urgent need of healing in my poor soul and body and the need of a breakthrough in my life. I just wish I would be healed instantly like the people in the Gospels because I cannot endure this any longer. Because all of these past years have really left their traumatic mark in my soul (and body), in a very negative and twisted way. Of course, the story is more multifaceted than this. And yes, I committed many sins along the way and I still do. But honestly, I was mostly in darkness and was mostly trying just to survive (even though I sinned). And quite shamefully, I still am. I want this spiritual emergency to be resolved so that I can heal. About the sacraments not being magic, I wish they were. I wish I would be miraculously healed as in the gospels. I hope God would see, that my suffering is not simply "a dark night of the soul" for holy mystics that increase their virtue or holiness or something, but a broken person's suffering that only serves to draw him closer to evil and Hell. That is why I need a divine intervention.

Need healing from God but I can't get it

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