Need a guys perspective

afollower · Jun 21, 2004

Recently I was dating a Christian guy but was told by him that he is not attracted to me "religiously" anymore. And then I find out from someone that he is attracted to this girl's "Christian character"
He never told me that someone else was in the picture when we broke up and i found out recently about this.
So basically does this mean he is attracted to someone else and lied and used Christianity as an excuse since we were compatible for the longest time?
When guys have a change of heart, will they say anything to make themselves clean and not be the bad guy?

Xul · Jun 21, 2004

Sorry to break it to you, but it sounds like her "christian character" may be code for "I'm not interested in you anymore". If you and this other girl are both christians then that is a cop out. I could see it if you were NOT christian and he was, but not if you are all christians. Sorry, he's just being an eggheaded male as we sometimes can be.

herev · Jun 21, 2004

afollower said:
Recently I was dating a Christian guy but was told by him that he is not attracted to me "religiously" anymore. And then I find out from someone that he is attracted to this girl's "Christian character"
He never told me that someone else was in the picture when we broke up and i found out recently about this.
So basically does this mean he is attracted to someone else and lied and used Christianity as an excuse since we were compatible for the longest time?
When guys have a change of heart, will they say anything to make themselves clean and not be the bad guy?

Just curious, no judgement, but afollower, your icon suggests you are a guy, do you need another guy's perspective? is that too forward a question? sorry if it is.

Gerry_NY · Jun 21, 2004

afollower said:
Recently I was dating a Christian guy but was told by him that he is not attracted to me "religiously" anymore. And then I find out from someone that he is attracted to this girl's "Christian character"
He never told me that someone else was in the picture when we broke up and i found out recently about this.
So basically does this mean he is attracted to someone else and lied and used Christianity as an excuse since we were compatible for the longest time?
When guys have a change of heart, will they say anything to make themselves clean and not be the bad guy?

You are 100% sure he was a Christian and didn't say it just to make you his flavor of the day? He could have possibly used Christianity as an excuse to not only get close to you however long ago, but he could have also used it to get away from you.
From what I am understanding from this, is that he had another young lady lined up before he "dumped" you...this guy sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, when all the while it could be just as green on his side, if you know what I mean.
When guys have a change of heart...especially your typical "manly man", it's hard for them to admit they have a weakness. Maybe their weakness is of the flesh. Maybe he thinks she is prettier or more interesting. But in all actuality, its an act be the other female, because she thinks he has a great personality or maybe he has made himself someone who he really isn't. It's all in the viscious game of courting (though it shouldn't be a viscious game at all).
To me it sounds like he didn't want to hurt your feelings for one reason or another, because it appears to me that he wasn't man enough to actually share his feelings...his true feelings to you.

WolfGate · Jun 21, 2004

afollower - Yeah, I saw the "oops" on the gender icon too, but the last sentence made it clear that you're a girl.

Look, sadly from personal experience and what's I've heard from many of my peers, too many men are passive when it comes to issues that involve conflict of any emotional sort. And, as a result, we handle them really stupid ways. I've shared many stories with now (hopefully) wiser men about the poor ways we broke up with women, all because we were too passive to deal with it forthrightly.

Having said that, I've seen women do similar things, though I promise you I don't understand how women's thinking works.

So, I think it's more a factor of immaturity and passivity in relationships and not a "guy" thing.

Finally, from what you've said, does sound like he used it as a cop-out.

afollower · Jun 21, 2004

Sorry guys, it has a male icon since it won't let me post. I am a female.
I was desparate and needed a guys opinion. I needed a guys opinion since I didn't understand what was really happening. It hurt that I had to find out myself and yes I was attracted to him initially for being such a great Christian and "manly man". He also calls himself a strong Christian but often judges people and even said I am not his type of Christian after 2 years?????
Thanks alot for all your opinions.

Raanan · Jun 22, 2004

Got 2 words for this. COP OUT!

Had that used on me once by a girl. Sucks. I'm sorry you had it happen to you, afollower.

Harry the Heretic · Jun 22, 2004

Yes it is a load of..... And it is in especially poor taste to attack your faith in that way. You are better off without someone like that imo.

DaveKerwin · Jun 22, 2004

I think he didn't really follow what he may have always wanted. He may have ignored his deeper longing for a long time. Using the religious excuse CAN be lame, but sometimes its legit. Either way, the break up was in poor taste.

Here is my advice: Don't worry about who you will date next, and when you will date him. Concern yourself with things above, serve the Lord. Grow in Jesus and let him lead your future. Peace.

Sketcher · Jun 25, 2004

Religious cop out, just as bad as misusing the Lord's name. Girls do that all the time too.

SirKenin · Jun 25, 2004

I think the reason stated is legitimate. If his views don't line up with your views, perhaps he viewed that as being a significant enough factor to move on.

After all, a spiritual connection, no matter what the sort, is very important.

Herzen · Jun 25, 2004

I had a roommate whose ex broke up with him and didn't give a reason. She finally said that she felt he was pulling her away from her religion (keep in mind that he is very religious). He asked where she would get an idea like that, and she said point-blank that she talked to her youth minister and that she told her that was what he was doing and she needed to drop him pronto. You may think that it was legitimate, but the next boyfriend did little for her in the area of spiritual support (not to be judgmental). Some people just need an excuse sometimes and hide the truth.

Herzen · Jun 25, 2004

drfeelgood said:
I think the reason stated is legitimate. If his views don't line up with your views, perhaps he viewed that as being a significant enough factor to move on.

After all, a spiritual connection, no matter what the sort, is very important.

An excellent and valid point. It is extremely important. He seemed a little too deceptive and sneaky though, but that's just my take.

afollower · Jun 26, 2004

Thanks for your help guys.

I guess after a few days and looking back, I feel that religion can be an issue, but after finding out that he started dating someone else right away, it makes me wonder if religion was really an excuse in our case since he was attracted to someone else and tried dating her after our breakup.

Can I get somemore feedback guys. I guess I am looking for answers.....

SoldierofChrist · Jun 26, 2004

Definately sounds like a cop out. I would say though that this guy doesn't know what he wants. That's really strange if you have been dating this guy for a long time. Sounds like he just has a lot of growing up to do. I don't think two people should date each other unless both are agreed upon an understanding of the relationship being for the purpose of pursuing the possibility of marriage. ie: the two should be good friends first. In my experience that's the best way to go. I'm sorry for what you're going through, but keep your options open. I dated a non-Christian girl in high school who ended up "cheating on me" for another guy. It was clearly obvious to me later on that she had no real life experience and a lack of meaningful friendship during our dating period that led to it. The second relationship I got into was only after developing a friendship with the girl for almost a year and then going from there. This was July of 2002 and it will be two years for us on the 6th... engagement is on the way and marriage will follow in the next year or so. Seek God's will above all else and rely on Him to settle this issue in your heart. It's what I did, and God brought this wonderful girl into my life without me even expecting it to happen.

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