My wife I think is cheating on me need advice in this complicated thing .

aiki · Dec 18, 2021

Spiderkiller007 said:
I have terminal stage 4 cancer I was originally given 3 months now it’s 3 years thanks to Gods grace and mercy , it’s been tough failed open heart surgery ( to try and remove the tumour ) I am weak , full of bruises and scars , for most of that time she was by my side going through this awful battle , if you would have asked me how we were doing a week before all this I would have said great !

And in the physical department? Surely, your illness has had an effect on this part of your relationship. Have you talked about it with your spouse? Are you taking every step you can to keep this part of your marriage healthy? (See: 1 Corinthians 6:3-5) A very big vulnerability develops in any marriage when this area is shut off for prolonged periods.

Spiderkiller007 said:
We enjoyed each other’s company, didn’t really ever fight ,but her mom became very ill and she decided to go back to the Philippines to spend time with her before she passed , we agreed 2 months would be lots , when she got there I started to feel something had changed , she was distracted, distant, having a conversation became like pulling teeth ,

Did you ever come straight-out and say this to your wife?

Have you considered that, in light of your terminal illness, your wife is looking beyond her life with you? Imagine her thinking at the initial diagnosis of your disease that she would suddenly be deprived of you, fearful, grieving, preparing herself for life without you, drained emotionally by watching you so sick, helpless to do anything to stop it, and then having to live in this condition not for three months, but for years. This is going to take a serious toll upon your wife.

So, she goes off to the Philippines where the sight of her dying husband does not confront her every day, provoking her grief, fear and sense of helplessness. She's tasting a little of what life beyond the two of you will be like. Are you surprised that it makes talking with you difficult?

Your wife has needs, too; she is suffering also in your time of decline. What have you done to support and encourage her? Especially toward the Lord. Are you the heart and hands of God to your wife, even in your illness? By his power, you can be. (Philippians 4:13)

Spiderkiller007 said:
she goes to a wedding, doesn’t tell me until after the fact and is 4 hours away ( she does not travel for anyone like that by herself) so I thought why did she not tell me because all of a sudden no contact for three days ( apparently bad wi-fi ) so then afterwards she’s great with me tells me “ I’m love you, miss you “ but I know more than likely is she was with someone.

Your wife is your wife, not your prisoner. Only her commitment to her vows keeps her in a marriage with you. That commitment is clearly under challenge - by your sickness but also, it seems, by a shallow walk with God which the difficulties of your situation is revealing. Far more than being good with you, your wife needs to be good with her heavenly Father. And when she is, this fact will spill over into your marriage, making it what it ought to be. So, pray for your wife. Encourage her in the Lord. Be her example spiritually, leading her by the character of your own life in her walk with God. Show her how to live with God well - and to die. You've no greater purpose than this.

Hazelelponi · Dec 18, 2021

Spiderkiller007 said:
I have terminal stage 4 cancer I was originally given 3 months now it’s 3 years thanks to Gods grace and mercy , it’s been tough failed open heart surgery ( to try and remove the tumour ) I am weak , full of bruises and scars , for most of that time she was by my side going through this awful battle , if you would have asked me how we were doing a week before all this I would have said great ! We enjoyed each other’s company, didn’t really ever fight ,but her mom became very ill and she decided to go back to the Philippines to spend time with her before she passed , we agreed 2 months would be lots , when she got there I started to feel something had changed , she was distracted, distant, having a conversation became like pulling teeth , when I asked when she was getting a ticket to come home ( she had bought a one way ticket) she got mad blew up and told me she wanted to be there for her second grandchild’s birth ( that was 3-4months more ) so I thought well that’s perhaps that’s why distant , then a few days later my daughter shows me a romantic tik tok video of her singing a sappy love song with the hashtag “ love you miss you I will wait for you “
I saw hearts likes I love you auntie over and over from one particular guy , turns out a coworker , I noticed she had other videos like this and she would post and he would post the same type of video, they did one together at work , I asked what is this ? She’s oh nothing just friends I also saw she put likes on all his stuff on fb tik tok , I said I didn’t like it , it doesn’t look good , and to stop also she went through her fb and erased ten years of memories pictures of me her status is single! When asked why ? Oh it’s nothing, so I thought well maybe it’s emotional affair and I caught it before anything really bad happened , I thought perhaps she got caught up in the flirting and shallow validation of the whole tik tok world ,so I forgave her even though she still never admitted wrong doing , then she goes to a wedding, doesn’t tell me until after the fact and is 4 hours away ( she does not travel for anyone like that by herself) so I thought why did she not tell me because all of a sudden no contact for three days ( apparently bad wi-fi ) so then afterwards she’s great with me tells me “ I’m love you, miss you “ but I know more than likely is she was with someone.

Talk to a lawyer. At the least you don't want her to be your beneficiary if you pass away.

Other than that, adultery is the only biblical reason anyone is allowed to divorce biblically. However, if you can protect your assets from her then you can also choose the path of forgiveness.

Her mom died, she went through a lot expecting you to die at any time for a very long time... Honestly it's a lot to keep it all together emotionally.

I'm disabled but I know the stress of losing loved ones. Both my dad and my daughter died of cancer... If that has occurred close together, I would not have lived through it. My grief was so great both times that together I couldn't have clawed my way out of it back to my own life.

I'm saying this not to excuse her actions - they are more than just a little wrong - but to remind you of where she might be emotionally. She has possibly lost her grip on reality, she just lost it in a different way.

So forgiveness and trying to work through it from the marriage perspective is a positive thing to try. But I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her and I'd make very sure she doesn't see a dime...

Good luck, and I'll pray for you.

My wife I think is cheating on me need advice in this complicated thing .

aiki

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Hazelelponi

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My wife I think is cheating on me need advice in this complicated thing .

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