- Feb 25, 2006
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I feel like I've shared my testimony on here, but, I can't find it, so I'm just going to share again.
I grew up in a Christian home, church and school my entire life. But, I didn't care about God at all.
I stayed far away from God --- I listened to the worst type of music you could imagine. Never prayed. Never did anything. Even though I knew it all in my head and heart, I didn't care about it.
When I was in high school, I started attending this small youth group. Only had about 15 to 20 kids who attended the youth group. I LOVED it for the most part. I mainly went there for the fellowship and food beforehand and the games/food and fellowship after youth pastor gave the message.
The message, I HATED. I wished I could just skip over it. I barely listened to it and I never paid attention. I couldn't wait for that 20 min-30 min to be over w/ so I could go back to talking, having fun/games and eating food.
Well, this one night... had a great time playing the games and what not. Came in, went back in the room where the meetings and messages are given. Well, that night was different and it changed my world upside down. The youth pastor sat down and said, tonight, we are going to discuss the Rapture. Well, as soon as he said Rapture, it felt like I was struck by lightning. My whole body just shook violently but the funny thing is, no one else saw that happen to me but I felt it. I also felt this nervousness, fear, shakiness come through me. I sat in that seat for a few minutes but, I couldn't take it. I got up and excused myself. I went out to the main area (no one else was around) and I was thinking, what's going on, what IS this, why is this happening to me, how can I get rid of this. Well, inwardly, I figured it had something to do w/ God but I didn't know what yet. I went back to the room and finished hearing the message from the pastor. I didn't say anything to anyone. Went home, didn't say anything to my parents either. I went to bed thinking, this will be gone by morning but it wasn't. I woke up w/ it. That fear/shakiness stayed w/ me on a continuous basis. I couldn't get rid of it. I let this all stay w/ me for about a week. Finally, I contacted a pastor wanting to talk to someone about what I was feeling. At the time, I was going to church even though I didn't believe it --- it was a form of habit nothing other then that. Well, this pastor couldn't help me. This one day at this church, they had a guest speaker. A pastor and the president of Touch the World Ministries. He was talking about how he works w/ teens all the time and helps them find their way to Christ and, I was thinking, maybe he can help me figure this out.
I had emailed him and he gave me both his phone number and his email address and his screen name so I could talk to him. This one day while I was at school, I called him, but when he picked up, I hung up lol bc I was so scared, BUT, he called me back. I did pick up and ended up talking to him for about an hour and a half. He challenged me to go speak to someone I knew and trusted. The only person I knew and trusted at that time was my high school teacher, Mr. Lamitola. I made an appointment w/ him and went to see him and told him what was going on. He asked me if I was a Christian, I said, no, I'm not. He told me I need to find some Christian music to listen to and he gave me a few CD's. So, I began listening to the band Audio Adrenaline.
Btw, this entire time, I was still feeling that nervousness and everything else. But, I found this one song by AA called REST EASY and it was off their live album. Well, this song hit home to me. I listened to it over and over again and I told that pastor, Jeff Boucher about it. He gave me the sinners prayer. He told me to say it when I feel ready to and that he'd be praying for me.
I had been so depressed several days over this whole thing w/ how I was feeling. I must've listened to that 1 song by audio adrenaline over 30 times. It just meant so much to me and this one day, I just gave in and I said the prayer. Nothing actually happened right away. I was still deeply struggling but I accepted Christ. Beleive it or not, that feeling of nervousness, depression, fear, stayed w/ me for years. I became a Christian in 2001, but, that nervousness and fear and trembling stayed w/ me until around 2004/2005 which is when God started to speak to me through peace and although I often did get that peace, I still had that trembling as well. The last time I can remember having that trembling is around 2007 when I went on a missions trip to Africa. But btwn 2004-2007, I was experiencing internal changes which no one I spoke to understood. At one point, I was receiving 21 changes a day, everyday. I can't explain those changes but, some were extremely difficult. Those changes stopped around 2012. Then they started again in around 2016 -- where I experienced changes on and off for about a year. Some were Extremely difficult. Others were good changes and helpful. I have no idea what God was doing or is doing through me and no body else understands any of this.
The one pastor I spoke to a year ago, told me that I"m very sensitive to the spirit and God is working on me in ways that only I can feel. That most Christians don't go through what I'm going through which means he most likely has a special plan for my life.
I have spoken to so many people during my journey. God found me. I never would've turned to look at him or turned towards him at all if it wasn't for him doing this to me and finding me.
7 years ago, God started me on a new journey. I won't go into that on here unless you want to know. I've shared a lot of this story in the prayer requests area but, God started speaking to me in 2011 both audibly and internally about this specific situation and although things are going south w/ this friendship right now, God is still keeping the door open and is still speaking to me about this situation and about this guy. God has a plan. This relationship/friendship btwn me and this guy isn't over yet. I feel it's just beginning, but, right now, God wants this break btwn us for some reason YET he's telling me to be frineds w/ him still.
If anyone wants to hear the remainder of that story too from the last 7 years, I'd be happy to share it. I just don't want to make this text longer then it already is right now.
But, God has done an amazing work in my life so far. He's still speaking, still teaching, still working in and through me evne though times are extremely tough right now.
I grew up in a Christian home, church and school my entire life. But, I didn't care about God at all.
I stayed far away from God --- I listened to the worst type of music you could imagine. Never prayed. Never did anything. Even though I knew it all in my head and heart, I didn't care about it.
When I was in high school, I started attending this small youth group. Only had about 15 to 20 kids who attended the youth group. I LOVED it for the most part. I mainly went there for the fellowship and food beforehand and the games/food and fellowship after youth pastor gave the message.
The message, I HATED. I wished I could just skip over it. I barely listened to it and I never paid attention. I couldn't wait for that 20 min-30 min to be over w/ so I could go back to talking, having fun/games and eating food.
Well, this one night... had a great time playing the games and what not. Came in, went back in the room where the meetings and messages are given. Well, that night was different and it changed my world upside down. The youth pastor sat down and said, tonight, we are going to discuss the Rapture. Well, as soon as he said Rapture, it felt like I was struck by lightning. My whole body just shook violently but the funny thing is, no one else saw that happen to me but I felt it. I also felt this nervousness, fear, shakiness come through me. I sat in that seat for a few minutes but, I couldn't take it. I got up and excused myself. I went out to the main area (no one else was around) and I was thinking, what's going on, what IS this, why is this happening to me, how can I get rid of this. Well, inwardly, I figured it had something to do w/ God but I didn't know what yet. I went back to the room and finished hearing the message from the pastor. I didn't say anything to anyone. Went home, didn't say anything to my parents either. I went to bed thinking, this will be gone by morning but it wasn't. I woke up w/ it. That fear/shakiness stayed w/ me on a continuous basis. I couldn't get rid of it. I let this all stay w/ me for about a week. Finally, I contacted a pastor wanting to talk to someone about what I was feeling. At the time, I was going to church even though I didn't believe it --- it was a form of habit nothing other then that. Well, this pastor couldn't help me. This one day at this church, they had a guest speaker. A pastor and the president of Touch the World Ministries. He was talking about how he works w/ teens all the time and helps them find their way to Christ and, I was thinking, maybe he can help me figure this out.
I had emailed him and he gave me both his phone number and his email address and his screen name so I could talk to him. This one day while I was at school, I called him, but when he picked up, I hung up lol bc I was so scared, BUT, he called me back. I did pick up and ended up talking to him for about an hour and a half. He challenged me to go speak to someone I knew and trusted. The only person I knew and trusted at that time was my high school teacher, Mr. Lamitola. I made an appointment w/ him and went to see him and told him what was going on. He asked me if I was a Christian, I said, no, I'm not. He told me I need to find some Christian music to listen to and he gave me a few CD's. So, I began listening to the band Audio Adrenaline.
Btw, this entire time, I was still feeling that nervousness and everything else. But, I found this one song by AA called REST EASY and it was off their live album. Well, this song hit home to me. I listened to it over and over again and I told that pastor, Jeff Boucher about it. He gave me the sinners prayer. He told me to say it when I feel ready to and that he'd be praying for me.
I had been so depressed several days over this whole thing w/ how I was feeling. I must've listened to that 1 song by audio adrenaline over 30 times. It just meant so much to me and this one day, I just gave in and I said the prayer. Nothing actually happened right away. I was still deeply struggling but I accepted Christ. Beleive it or not, that feeling of nervousness, depression, fear, stayed w/ me for years. I became a Christian in 2001, but, that nervousness and fear and trembling stayed w/ me until around 2004/2005 which is when God started to speak to me through peace and although I often did get that peace, I still had that trembling as well. The last time I can remember having that trembling is around 2007 when I went on a missions trip to Africa. But btwn 2004-2007, I was experiencing internal changes which no one I spoke to understood. At one point, I was receiving 21 changes a day, everyday. I can't explain those changes but, some were extremely difficult. Those changes stopped around 2012. Then they started again in around 2016 -- where I experienced changes on and off for about a year. Some were Extremely difficult. Others were good changes and helpful. I have no idea what God was doing or is doing through me and no body else understands any of this.
The one pastor I spoke to a year ago, told me that I"m very sensitive to the spirit and God is working on me in ways that only I can feel. That most Christians don't go through what I'm going through which means he most likely has a special plan for my life.
I have spoken to so many people during my journey. God found me. I never would've turned to look at him or turned towards him at all if it wasn't for him doing this to me and finding me.
7 years ago, God started me on a new journey. I won't go into that on here unless you want to know. I've shared a lot of this story in the prayer requests area but, God started speaking to me in 2011 both audibly and internally about this specific situation and although things are going south w/ this friendship right now, God is still keeping the door open and is still speaking to me about this situation and about this guy. God has a plan. This relationship/friendship btwn me and this guy isn't over yet. I feel it's just beginning, but, right now, God wants this break btwn us for some reason YET he's telling me to be frineds w/ him still.
If anyone wants to hear the remainder of that story too from the last 7 years, I'd be happy to share it. I just don't want to make this text longer then it already is right now.
But, God has done an amazing work in my life so far. He's still speaking, still teaching, still working in and through me evne though times are extremely tough right now.