My Problem

My wife is Lutheran and while I can sort of go along with their doctrine on the Lord's Supper I certainly deny their doctrine on Baptism. We have two kids, both are being raised Lutheran, though I am certainly working in some Reformed distinctives . My wife's church also has a k-8 school which my daughter attends so the connection is strong. My son is only three so it's not been an issue with him yet...

Unfortunately, there aren't any Reformed churches in my area except one 5-point, progdisp Baptist church not too far away.

And yet, again, I doubt whether I am doing right by my children if I split religion in the family.

So, I attend her church but I don't commune.

I was Reformed about ten years ago in the Orthodox Presbyterian Church and hold to infant baptism though on issues having to do with Church and Culture I am fairly Baptist in outlook.

In short, I am a mess.

Anyhow, thought I'd just throw all this out there for you all to shoot and devour me over.

I can relate to having a spouse that is part of another demonimation. I actually didn't go to church much growing up (if you ask my mom I was brought up Presbyterian) and my husband was raised Catholic.

It is very difficult finding a happy medium. When I couldn't get my husband to come to the Catholic church with me, I decided to go find a church that I was happy with. So I actually ended up at a Presbyterian Church(PCUSA). I am very impressed that you are working so hard to be apart of your childrens religion and not letting it go to the wayside because of differences.

I don't think in my looking I actually made it to a Lutheran church so I don't know what their views are in communion or baptism. I do have heard of people going to both together, Sunday AM at one church, and a Sunday PM or Saturday PM at the other church. I do hate the thought of on parent going to a different church and everyone not going as a family. Would doing something like that be an option for your family?

a personal opinion.

the unity of the family and consistency and peacefulness of major principles(between you and your wife) is more important than most everything else.

God is certainly present in your current church, avail yourself of the means of grace that you are comfort with and grow in grace.
after the kids have left the household, revisit the topic with your wife, with the time and freedom that that stage in life will give you.

edited for clarity.

Hello Irwin,

I think Williams give some good advice. If you are attending a Bible believing Lutheran Church make the best of it. I would also, when given the chance, let your kids know that good Christians differ with one another on issues like communion and baptism. Then explain, in a non-attacking way, how and why you differ with the views of the church y'all attend.

I attended a Lutheran (LCMS) for a while and loved the liturgy and worship style. I hold much closer to Calvin's view of the Supper and baptism (which is far from the Baptist view), than I do to the Lutheran positions. They knew that.

Had there not been a Reformed church (PCA) I could easily have stayed there.

I wish you and your family well,
Kenith

I would also ditto what rmwilliams said, adding pray for your family and trust that God will work in their lives. We don't all start out in reformed faith, God sometimes works that out in us at a later time.

Well you are the spiritual leader household, so if the Lutheran church is not teaching completely sound doctrine, know if you stay there, you will have to give an account before God of why your family (and your wife) did not grow as much as they could have, otherwise. Exercise discernment and biblical conviction and look for a Reformed Bible Church. By "submitting" to your wife by going to her, church I dare say what you are doing could not be biblical, even if done so in love. Realize that even family can become an idol. We are to have Christ centered lives that put God-family-church-ministry. At the same time notice that I am not saying the shove Calvinism done your family's throats as there is also waiting on God, to "enlighten them" yet be a good example emulating that of Christ and the church with you and your wife, and wash her with the word, and encourage practical holiness and sanctification by firmly but loving guiding them to a Biblical uncompromising church, in every detail, including Baptism.

Grace to you brother.
Mar 3:32 And a crowd was sitting around him, and they said to him, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, seeking you."
Mar 3:33 And he answered them, "Who are my mother and my brothers?"
Mar 3:34 And looking about at those who sat around him, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers!
Mar 3:35 Whoever does the will of God, he is my brother and sister and mother."
Luke 14:26 If any [man] come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.