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More prayers for my mother and myself

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MissLady

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We have an appt. with a specialist for the electrical system of the heart on the 28th. This is out of town. But today when we saw our GP he said she's still got some congestive heart failure. Plus her nutrition is awful (I could told him that even without the labs). He told me that if he was a spell again (we can now tell when she's going into atrial flutter) to get her to the local ER right away and have them transport her to the out of town hospital. My health isn't good either. I am starting a round of steroids tomorrow and praying they don't cause me more problems than they solve. The stress from her being sick is making my issues worse. She feels guilty about my being stressed. And my "not living my life" since I've had to skip some functions to be with her. So I'm guessing that's not making her health any better. Please pray for us. I've already packed a bag in case I have to get her out of town right away. But I'm praying we can wait and not be stressed these next 2 weeks.
 
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MissLady

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Her heartrate has been up ever since around noon yesterday but she's not in pain. I however had a horrid night. Sick with tummy troubles. At this rate if God forbid she did have to go out of town I'm not in any shape to go with her. And I'm not sure if I got sick enough to warrant my own hospital stay who would stay with her cause no way will I leave her alone. The stress is killing me. Then of course her having to take care of me makes me feel bad. Oh yeah and I was supposed to start a round of steroids today for another issue but I've laid off that due to the tummy troubles. I want to give it to God and trust it'll all work out but I'm so angry. Why won't He just fix it. And for crying out loud, if SHE is having a good day why can't I have one?!
 
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MissLady

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Had to rush her to the ER last night. In ICU I'm guessing will be sent out of town to the specialist sometime today. My Sunday School teacher will be taking me down there. Haven't slept any but amazingly I don't feel bad other than my tummy a little blah. All packed and ready to head out whenever the doc says.

Also instead of starting a separate thread, one of my best friends lost a brother in a motorcycle accident. Please pray for that whole family, esp. the brother who found him.

Thanks and God bless.
 
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MissLady

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Things seem to be getting worse not better. Her heartrate went back up last night. Got it back down. But 1) the meds make her dizzy. 2) she's gathering fluid again. which led to 3) they had to give her Lasix which makes her pee but 4) she gets too short of breath getting up on the bedside toilet so they put a catheter in. She doesn't like to eat much and is picky when she does eat. But now being on a blood thinner she had to watch what she eats...well being a diabetic and cardiac patient as well makes for a super strict diet. Her nutrition is awful cause she doesn't eat much. Despite her not eating much her blood sugar's are sky high. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My brother is stressed. My sister-in-law has had a migraine for several days. I wish Jesus would come back for us all. I mean ALL. Cause I can't for various reasons live without my mother. And even though he can be aggravating, after what my friend's going through I'd like to keep my brother!
 
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MissLady

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She's doing better. Probably coming home tomorrow and go back in 6 weeks to be shocked. Please pray she stays in good enough condition and other things don't go down. And pray I can relax. I am on edge even when she's feeling okay. Also pray my eye stops twitching. It's been doing it off and on for several weeks. I realize now coinciding with her getting so sick. It's driving me nuts the last few days though. Thanks and God bless.
 
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MissLady

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They shocked her this morning and her heart got too low. She's on dopomine now to get keep her heart up in a normal rhythm. And while she's not in atrial fib or flutter she's still not in a proper rhythm. I've had 2 breakdowns today. My poor sister-in-law has had a migraine since they've been here (she has had them for years). Now she's having some chest pain...we think it's her medicine causing it but she had a heart attack when she was in her 20s. Ugh! I don't know how much more my brother and I are supposed to take. I don't want to live my life as it is at this moment, bad health of my own, no job, no husband and children...without my mother. But I can't stand her going through this either.
 
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MissLady

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So she's home and I SHOULD be happy right? Yeah I'm glad they got her heartrate lined out. But I'm ticked off that she's still short of breath VERY easy. And thanks to the blood thinners her nose is bleeding. I'm also feeling very inadequate thanks to the fact that I have attempted to do things that I thought would help her out but instead just made things worse. I'm tired of us living like this. I've come to the conclusion that God does not want me to have a life and obviously does not want me to have anything good in my life that my mother can enjoy with me. I can't attend church functions in peace wondering what in the world will I come home to. I'll never meet a good man and have babies. Saw a very cute nurse when she was in the hospital...turned out he wasn't a candidate for me for several reasons. But really do I want to meet a man due to my mother's health falling apart? And since I'm a lousy daughter to her why bother wanting to be a wife and mom?
 
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