Missing Christianity but not wanting to go back...advice?

SoAmazinglyBlessed said:

Yeah, it is that hard to believe. I mean, I can feel what I think is God's love, but when it comes to taking the Bible literally, I just can't. I cannot make myself think that my bisexuality is wrong. I can't make myself think that being lazy and gluttonous (which are both side-effects of my depression) are wrong, especially since they're not exactly under my control. I can't make myself believe that there is an infinitely-loving god who would kill people for any reason (and I'm not talking about normal, natural deaths. I'm talking about the mass murders that God committed in the Old Testament.). There are just so many parts of the Bible that I cannot make myself believe, even if I force myself.


Yeah, I think that has to do with: a) The fact that my family members are largely against Christianity, and b) The fact that it's hard for me to accept any sort of love into my life, since I've been betrayed so many times before by my friends. And "a)" especially makes me not want to convert again. I mean, my dad is Jewish and he has said multiple times that he doesn't like Christianity. And I don't want to hurt him. So what do I do?


I envy that about you. I wish that, at this point in my life, I could feel okay about letting God into my life. But I don't. Nor do I feel okay about taking the Bible literally. So I'm pretty much stuck.


Thanks so much for praying for me, and for providing that Bible verse for me. I will seriously think about trying to re-structure my life so that I can allow God in...though I don't know how I'll get myself to take the Bible literally, but, hey, one thing at a time, right?

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First off dont envy me, you wouldnt if you know what i go through, With my illnesses i have seen and heard some of the most horrid things..i have sever OCD amongst other things.

About the Old testement first off you have to understand is one thing people were dying for a reason.

Those people were evil end of story( read the OT very carefully) they were constant wars amongst the people and God saw fit to have them destroyed so His people can have peace.. God is above our thoughts and alot of people dont really see that. Those people were rapists murders idolaters amongst other things. Do you not know we were called to be Holy people, we were meant to glorify God. The evil will pay in this world. Imo God is the greatest love He will always be with y ou, to comfort you, and give you strength when you need it the most.. But dont do Evil in His name, and totally p*ss Him off. You are with Him or against Him. You will reap what you sow, and for alot of people that is their own destruction. And believe me it saddens me greatly as it does God.


Why do people think we have a right to live? We dont and maybe that is my oppinion, i mean look at the world we live in, it is so corrupted and tainted by Sin. People only care about their only selfinsh desires. i know this i was one of them.

Another thing you need to come to face with is. God give it He can take it away. Job found this out.

Also why are you afraid to make youre father mad? Would he disown you for believing in God, and accepting His love??
If he would get angry or even worse than shake the dust off youre feet. (i know it is easier said than done) Not one person has a right to keep you from Having a loving relationship with God, if he does than He doesnt truly respect you. (Hence the shaking the dust off youre feet)

SoAmazinglyBlessed said:

Because I've tried before (and this was quite recently...I was a Christian from March of this year until July of this year) and I wasn't able to believe in God then, so why would I be able to believe in God now, just a few short months later?

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If you weren't able to believe in God, then - you weren't a Christian, sweetie! Wanting to be is not enough, nor is calling yourself a Christian, or going to church, singing worship songs, etc. Becoming a Christian is coming into a relationship with a living God - you can't do that without *knowing* (not just wishing!) that He is real.

Thing is, faith isn't something you do - it's a gift. And you will never get it by trying... because you can't make yourself believe.
The good news is, that God loves you, and wants you to come to Him. And if you ask, He will give you faith.

Praying for you.

SoAmazinglyBlessed said:

I miss Christianity.

There, I said it. And I mean it. I miss the feelings of belonging, of being loved, and of being protected. I miss having someplace to go once a week (church, of course) and I miss being able to see my friends there. Even though I wasn't actually a believer, I did honestly like being a Christian. Yet the fact that I don't (and can't) believe in God is enough to make me not want to go back to church, since I would feel like a "wolf in sheep's clothing," so to speak. And that's how I always felt in church: like everyone could tell that I wasn't really a believer and that I didn't believe the worship songs that I was singing. Really, the only reason I went to church was because I liked the loving atmosphere there. It was like the ultimate "medicine" for my thoughts of self-hatred...it really made me feel good about myself, especially when my friends would come up and talk to me and I could tell that they really enjoyed talking to me, and weren't just talking to me because they pitied me. And I loved singing the worship songs because a) I love to sing, and b) they were so up-beat and positive. Even though I didn't believe in God, I did love to sing songs that were filled with love towards him. I think it's just that I have so little love in my life right now that I am craving anything that has ever brought love into my life.

Also, I really want to listen to some worship music, but I feel like I would be being a bad atheist by doing that. I already feel guilty enough that the song "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe is running through my head. Imagine how guilty I'd feel if I actually listened to it. And I also fear that by listening to worship songs, I'll be sucked into converting again, even though I still don't believe in God. After all, the first time I converted, it was partly because of the worship songs I'd been listening to, so I don't want to repeat that mistake again. After all, I know that I don't actually believe in Christianity, so converting would do me no good.

But, yeah.
I really do miss all that.
But, like I said, I can't go back.
So I'm stuck.
Anyone have any advice for me? Thanks.

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I have found that I can't come up with credible reasons not to believe that God exists, nor that he isn't who he says he is. In the bible it says that God is a patient God because of his mercy and that we live in a fallen world. So when I look at the world I see the evidence of God's mercy. People misbehaving because they mistake mercy for non-existence, tolerance, inconsistency and weakness (instead of regarding it as a gift).

I suppose what christianity is to me is a relationship with God, a relationship with people (christians and non-christians to an extent) and living the life God wants me to.

It seems to me like you had a relationship with people but not the relationship with God or some focus on living the life Christ came to win for us. Compared to your relationship with God, your love for your parents according to Jesus should be like hate, which is a hyperbole not to be confused with real hate. This is a tough teaching and could be a excuse to refuse Christianity.

You have to ask yourself why is believing in God wrong, if you believe there is evidence for God (which I believe there is ample of).

I never had any kind of religious experience in church. For me, church has been a source of pain.

I began to follow jesus from reading about him in the Gospels. His love for humanity really grabbed me. Anymore Christianity seems to have nothing to do with Jesus. But I don't believe in an institution. I believe in a person.
If you enjoyed church, then by all means go. We are meant to be social creatures. You don't have to lie about anything or fake belief.

Why do you have feelings of guilt when listening to Christian music? As an atheist, it's just music. Sure, they sing about things you might not believe in, but so what? If you like the songs, you like the songs.

As for your desire to have someplace to belong: is there a Unitarian Universalist church in your area? If so, you should attend a service -- they don't subscribe to one specific dogma or creed and claim many agnostics and atheists among their number. As an atheist you will be welcomed, hear moral messages and be surrounded by plenty of positive people.

Good luck!

SoAmazinglyBlessed said:

Um, can someone close this thread, please? I re-dedicated my life to Christ weeks ago, yet people are still replying to this thread as though I hadn't.

Thanks!

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aw, that's awesome!

hugs...

I'll report this post, with your message to close so they see to close it...you'll get a notice that it's been reported I believe, but can ignore it, as am just reporting it to have it closed.

Wonderful News Hannah!!

Will keep you in my prayers!

closing per OP request.