medival torture vs need4 tears

<sigh> been there - done that, got the t-shirt. I can't give you any advice but will say that I pray for God to calm my heart and to soften it. I pray for Him to give me peace. I write, I vent to friends, I pray. Eventually, the anger subsides, the waterworks flow and then - well, and THEN eagle God can come in and work his miracles. That's what happened to me but it took a long time. I still get angry - I still lose my cool but I'm human and I'm okay with the fact that I am ALLOWED to have these emotions and there is nothing wrong with that - AS LONG as I don't STAY there in the "bad" place. Hang in there. You'll get through it. You really will and the times that you can't feel God and don't think He's there - hon, He's carrying you and getting you through every step of the way. Hugs - Nikki

eagl4 said:

how do you get yourself to start writing down your thoughts, even when you don't want to admit that you'r going through *&*& and that your Lord deserve to have your FULL and HONEST heart .... so that maybe there finally can be prayer

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I find that writing allows me to release alot of my anger, hurt and confusion, and helps me to express what are often very jumbled up thoughts racing around in my head. I am very much a computer-person and my thoughts flow naturally when I'm at the keyboard. I have a private online prayer journal as well as another private journal -- both are very helpful. One I use just to put down thoughts and feelings, just to generally vent. The prayer journal is just that -- prayers to God. Often rambling, disjointed, but very heartfelt prayers -- pouring out my heart to Him. I have cried many tears while doing so, but I find that it is healing.

How to start? Just sit down and start anywhere, with whatever thought comes to mind, and just let your thoughts flow. They don't have to "make sense" or have any kind of form whatsoever. Just let your heart and your mind open up and let the words flow. I think you will find out alot about yourself in doing so.

God bless you.